Trying to make this right.

MissMarley · 02-17-2006, 07:40 PM #1 (**permalink**)

I'm 5'9", 130 pounds. A size 4 or 6, generally. Yeah, I know.
But here's the thing. I'm a "recovering" bulimic. I want this journal to be kind of an accountability thing for me- if I know people are going to read it, then I want to work hard. I want a better relationship with food (yes, I'm in therapy...ugh) and I want to learn to enjoy exercise!

So here are my goals:
Exercise 3 times a week
Drink MUCH more water (at least 2L/day)
More fruits and veggies
Not hide my eating
And of course, not throw it up.

So far...I did my "cardio house cleaning" today (carrying the vacuum up and down the stairs, scrubbed the whole house top to bottom for an hour)
Ate a sandwich with chips, small glass of Coke
One liter of water
One granola bar

If you read this, I would much love your encouragement. But if no one reads it, that's ok too. This is my "healthy" journal. Many times I've seen journals from recovering eating disorder patients that focus on the illness and their readers encourage them to continue in the disorder...I don't want to live like that anymore.

Shawna · 02-17-2006, 08:31 PM #2 (**permalink**)

I'll read it for you. My cousin almost died from bulemia when she was a teenager. The stupid thing was that she was a stick to begin with. It's a hard disease to wrap your head around. Good luck and I promise to check in here as long as you keep posting

IslandGirl77 · 02-17-2006, 09:00 PM #3 (**permalink**)

I hope the best for your recovery. I'm sure you'll get alot of support here.

Glitziegal · 02-18-2006, 03:53 PM #4 (**permalink**)

I know nothing about bulimia, but I'm here to help and support by reading and posting regularly.
You have made a positive step, and the only way is forward now. I believe in you!

Shawna · 02-19-2006, 12:23 PM #5 (**permalink**)

How are you doing? You haven't posted in a couple of days..........

MissMarley · 02-19-2006, 01:20 PM #6 (**permalink**)

Ok...I ate three meals yesterday- english muffin for breakfast, sandwich for lunch,taco salad for dinner...and proceded to get very drunk with a bunch of friends. We decided to have a dance party, and it turned into a workout session- now I'm not sure how effective drunken workouts are, but it definitely got my heart rate up, and made me sweat!
It was interesting- there was a girl there that I'd never met, and she had a seriously amazing ghetto booty- she was bigger than I was, but I wanted my body to look like hers, because she was so curvy and toned. I thought that was really positive- I never liked that before- I didn't want or like curves of any kind. But she just looked so healthy and gorgeous. Haven't purged in a week, which is amazing for me- it's a big change from several times a day. Therapy is ok, I really hate it. But I'm getting more into exercise, and it makes me feel more postive and "in-touch" with my body.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Glitziegal · 02-20-2006, 09:05 AM #7 (**permalink**)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissMarley

Ok...I ate three meals yesterday- english muffin for breakfast, sandwich for lunch,taco salad for dinner...and proceded to get very drunk with a bunch of friends. We decided to have a dance party, and it turned into a workout session- now I'm not sure how effective drunken workouts are, but it definitely got my heart rate up, and made me sweat!
It was interesting- there was a girl there that I'd never met, and she had a seriously amazing ghetto booty- she was bigger than I was, but I wanted my body to look like hers, because she was so curvy and toned. I thought that was really positive- I never liked that before- I didn't want or like curves of any kind. But she just looked so healthy and gorgeous. Haven't purged in a week, which is amazing for me- it's a big change from several times a day. Therapy is ok, I really hate it. But I'm getting more into exercise, and it makes me feel more postive and "in-touch" with my body.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. You have no idea how much it means to me.

That is such a positive thing to appreciate curves when you used to dislike them. You are doing really well from the sounds of things.
Try to post daily so we can keep encouraging you.

Keep up the good work chickie

Jennifer Mcfly · 02-20-2006, 11:00 AM #8 (**permalink**)

I'll be here reading as well, as I am keeping my own healthy journal as well! I have some of the same goals as you:

Drink More Water
Exercise three times a week
Eat more fruits and veggies

So, I'll be here supporting you

Shawna · 02-20-2006, 11:51 AM #9 (**permalink**)

I'm happy to hear you are doing ok. I was worried when you didn't post for a few days. Please keep us updated

MissMarley · 02-20-2006, 06:07 PM #10 (**permalink**)

One of the worst things about recovery is retraining my body in how it is supposed to handle food. Either my stomach goes into revolt mode and I feel so nauseous I can hardly stand it, or my whole digestive system clamps down onto the food I give it and won't let go (if you know what I mean...very unpleasant). I'm home sick today because I ate three normal meals yesterday and spent the rest of the night retching. I know that it won't be like this forever, but it really sucks. So no exercise today. Stayed in bed, read magazines, self-tanned, and watched House Season 1 dvds. Going to try to eat a sandwich tonight.

user3 · 02-21-2006, 03:45 PM #11 (**permalink**)

Take it one day at time.

Is there maybe a meal plan that the DR. can give you to follow that will help get your body use to food again?

You know we are here for you!

MissMarley · 02-21-2006, 08:58 PM #12 (**permalink**)

well, he's mostly trying to get me to eat three small meals, with occasional snacks. i didn't do very well today- i helped some friends move, and they bought pizza to thank us, and i came home and purged it.

this is really hard.

Janice · 02-21-2006, 10:01 PM #13 (**permalink**)

I can't imagine. I know you're trying hard, it sounds like if you can get the psychology of "good" food choices and intake amounts down then you should be able to overcome this thing. Just wanted to let you know I am reading and supporting you!

rcastel10 · 02-21-2006, 11:17 PM #14 (**permalink**)

It sounds like if you're on the right track. Just keep it up and I'm sure you'll reach your goal.

Pushpa · 02-22-2006, 12:36 AM #15 (**permalink**)

u'll make a slip up here and there but u keep trying and things will get better

just rem to try ur best not to beat yourself up become an asset to yourself