We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all, I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes, I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her than no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his.

I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who hae tried to stop war, prejudice, and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Very well stated and beautifully written. I have tears in my eyes reading this. You just made me realize how much I really want to be a mother.

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~Natalie~


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No babies yet but how beautiful! *Sniff*

OMg THis is beautiful!
I agree w everything..
and its very well n beautifully put!

Yeh, I'm trying not to cry right now, that was really beautiful.

Isn't that amazing how priorities in life change as you get older, and things that you have have never wanted, or even told others with a strong conviction that you didn't want, suddenly become the little voice in the back of your head.

I find myself thinking about being a Mom more and more, and yet at the same time knowing that I'm so not ready for that responsibility. I go back and fourth with myself all the time. Granted, not having a husband makes the chioce rather easy atm ;p But I know that "family" is slowly creeping into my reasons for dating people, and a much bigger priority in how I look at a man, than ever before.

I know that some of it is natural, but I also know that some of it has to do with where my life has gone in the last few years. I've really put my foot into the, "adult" world for the first time. I'm working with people who have been married for years, and have multiple kids. Wheras before I was living anf working with mostly students while I was living in college town. I've seen people get pregnant, and seen their babies after they have given birth (a first in my life). I've watched them bring in their kids to the office on special days, or just on special occasions.

I just really think it's funny how two years ago, had you asked me if I wanted to be a Mom, I would have replied, "No!" and given a laundry list of reasons why kids are bad! Then again, had you asked me if I wanted to get married, I would have said the same thing, "not right now." I never grew up wanting to be a bride and a Mom, like some girls I've known. But I have grew into that idea, moreso now than ever before.

I attribute Spektra in part to that growth as well. I lurk in this section more than I post, but seeing things like 3D Ultrasounds, and just the normal types. Pics of people belly's, as well as discriptions of being pregnant has really changed me. Not to mention the beautiful newborn pictures.

I can honestly say, yes I want to be a Mom. I'm not sure when it will happen, but I do want too.

Awww!!! As a brand new mommy, I must say this touched my heart in such a huge way! Because these are all the things I feel now. Amd I can only imagine telling my daughter these things when she grows older and tells me "Shes going to be a mommy" or "Shes thinking about having a baby" =[ . . . Geez, I know I have years to go untill that happens but I feel like its only around the corner! My daughter is only 1 week and 2 days and I feel like time is flying so fast!!!

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"I let them think what they want. If they just care enough to bother with what I do then, I'm already better than them anyway."

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*sigh* Want to be my mom, too?

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Deep & beautifully written.

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Life is short, Buy the shoes! If you don’t want to know the truth, don’t ask.

And in no time flat, she'll be asking to borrow the car...enjoy her every minute you can...they grow so very quickly...

Everything that was written in Shimmer's post is so very true. I don't have biological daughters, but ever since my stepdaughter's pregnancy (and now my 18-year old nieces'), I constantly think about things like these...how much having a baby changes your life...for the better!

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"Don't think you can....know you can."

Morpheus - The Matrix

It does fly by, my daughter just turned a year old friday, but it feels like it was just yesterday that I was pregnant. Every little new thing is like a mini miracle- rolling over, learning to sit up, crawling, the first tooth, walking, saying Mama for the first time, discovering things like grass and the wiggly puppy. It's gong by too fast for me.

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Expecting baby #2!
Studio Tech-NC44, Studio Fix-NC43 for reference

Im trying to enjoy every moment of her little life. . . I even stay awake at night to watch her sleep. Just to see her little chest move up and down, and hear her little moans and groans. It makes my life so much more complete. I cant imagine her being a big girl yet. But like I said I know its just around the corner.

__________________
"I let them think what they want. If they just care enough to bother with what I do then, I'm already better than them anyway."

My Place on The Space =]Feel Free To Add Me Or Just Say Hello

Oh man. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant, and that feels like just yesterday. And now shes already gonna be 2 weeks tomorrow!!! Its the craziest thing ever. Time never flew this fast in my life, but now that I have a baby it seems like I cant get a grip on it. But wow, I dont know what Im going to do when my baby is turning a year old. Ill probably sit here thinking about how it feels like just yesterday I had her. But until she turns 1 . . . Ill just sit here enjoying her as a brand new baby, with the best smelling "Similac Breath" . . . Ha Ha Ha. . . I love the smell of her breath. Its almost sickening, I smell her breath everytime she yawns!!! =]

__________________
"I let them think what they want. If they just care enough to bother with what I do then, I'm already better than them anyway."

My Place on The Space =]Feel Free To Add Me Or Just Say Hello