I need some help ladies!

sTaRRYeYeD · 11-17-2006, 08:33 PM #1 (**permalink**)

Ok girls! So I am about 5 months pregnant. I just told my big sister about 2 weeks ago. And I feel so much better knowing she knows. Now its just telling my mom. Its the weirdest thing ever. Because Im so scared to hurt her feelings. Im scared to dissappoint her. But at the same time, me and my mom have never had the best relationship. We havent lived together since I was 14. She kicked me out a year and a half after my dad passed away, when her boyfriend of 1 month decided to move in. Before he moved in we constantly fought. She would litereally fist fight me. As I was growing up and my dad was sick with an unknown brain disease, I pretty much raised myself and helped all of my other sisters take care of my dad. My mom would party and drink alot. I know that this was her way of dealing with the fact that the love of her life was slowly dieing. So I never held that against her. It hurt me. But I was much more interested in taking cae of my daddy and making sure he was comfortable. But Ive always been so concerned about what my mom thinks of me. I always wanted to be perfect for her, I never wanted to dissappoint her. I always looked at the great relationship she had with my older sister, and wanted it. I was so jealous. Everyone says that the reason my mom strayed away from me while my dad was sick and since he has passed away, is because I am thier only child together. And that Im her constant reminder of what she lost when my dad passed away. But now Im 18 and pregnant, and Im so scared to tell my mom. I dont know how to break it to her. I mean I know that shes going to flip out and cry. But I just feel like I cat do that to her. I have to though, I have to tell her. My over-joyed feelings of being a mom are now turning into a bittersweet taste that I just cant get over. Alot of people have told me that there is not much my mom can say or do, that will make her feel like she could have prevented it. Since she hasnt wanted to be a mom to be since I was alot younger. But I dont know. Ive forgiven her for all that. And I just dont want to hurt her. Hmmm. Im sorry if I took up way too much of your time. But thank you all for reading it and allowing me to vent!

mzcelaneous · 11-29-2006, 02:46 PM #2 (**permalink**)

It's true. Your Mom can't say much about it. I was 18 when I was pregnant, 19 when I gave birth. I also don't have the greatest relationship with my parents. If anything, make sure you tell your mother in public, at a restaurant or something. That way she can't go off on you (well, not out loud at least!) and there will be less tension. That's how I told my parents. Hope things turn out well

Shimmer · 11-29-2006, 02:52 PM #3 (**permalink**)

I got pregnant at 16, gave birth at 17. It's not easy to tell the parents, but it has to be done.
Once you do tell her, focus on taking care of yourself and keeping yourself and your baby healthy!

macface · 12-01-2006, 08:04 PM #4 (**permalink**)

I got pregnat at 20 and had my baby at 21 and I was still scared to tell my mom.to her I was still her baby

quandolak · 12-02-2006, 03:11 AM #5 (**permalink**)

...........

*Stargazer* · 12-04-2006, 01:39 AM #6 (**permalink**)

Maybe she'll be thrilled. Maybe she won't. All you can do is tell her. But if she isn't thrilled or supportive, you should probably avoid her during your pregnancy and your child's life until she can be thrilled and supportive. It honestly sounds like you a have a very toxic relationship with her and that is not good for your pregnancy or for your child

Good luck.

giz2000 · 12-06-2006, 12:17 AM #7 (**permalink**)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladybug10678

Maybe she'll be thrilled. Maybe she won't. All you can do is tell her. But if she isn't thrilled or supportive, you should probably avoid her during your pregnancy and your child's life until she can be thrilled and supportive. It honestly sounds like you a have a very toxic relationship with her and that is not good for your pregnancy or for your child

Good luck.

Totally agree...it's about you and your baby now...hang in there and take care of yourself and that baby!!!

Congrats, by the way!

jenii · 12-06-2006, 12:34 AM #8 (**permalink**)

Don't do this to yourself. If you're happy and excited about becoming a mom, DO NOT let anyone else's reaction ruin it for you. If she has a bad reaction, just chalk it up her usual shitty behavior towards you and move on. Be happy.

Besides that, you never know. She might actually be nice about it. Maybe she grew up a little, and decided to stop taking it out on other people.

Either way, this is your life, and you are the ONLY one who needs to be happy with it. Congratulations on the pregnancy, BTW!

M · 12-06-2006, 12:49 AM #9 (**permalink**)

WOW! Your home life sounds like mine when I was growing up

It sounds to me like your mom took a lot of her unhappiness out on you. It's not excusable, but just because someone is a parent, doesn't make them mature. I'm sure you've figured that out!

I don't know if I missed something in your post about your age since others reponded about being young when they had babies, but I think sometimes Mom's get upset because they know how hard it can be to raise a child. I have 2 and trust me it's the most exhausting job I have ever had. You can't just give your 2 weeks notice. There is SO MUCH you learn on your feet. You don't sleep. Sometimes you want to jump out a window. Children are always changing and your "plan" has to change to. If my DD got pregnant young I would be heartbroken for her because I know there would be a lot of her young life that she couldn't enjoy. BUT, children are so wonderful. And it sounds like you are happy about having a baby-? Do you think you mom would be hurt because she would feel like she failed you? Or would she be hurt because she would feel like you failed her?

My realtionship with my mom never healed even tho I did forgive her. I just had to let it go because eventually it got so toxic and it wasn't healthy for me. I hope that you have a good support group and wonderful people to be around once the baby comes. To me family isn't just who you grew up with-it goes beyond that.

xmrsvindieselx · 12-06-2006, 12:52 AM #10 (**permalink**)

first off...CONGRATS!!!!!!!!

your mom may not agree with your situation you are in, but i believe she should be there for you 100%. I know if I was your mom, i would help you out as much as possible. but please DO NOT stress yourself out. you will be a great mother regardless of other opinions and no one can change that. =]

once again..congrats!

M · 12-06-2006, 12:57 AM #11 (**permalink**)

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmrsvindieselx

first off...CONGRATS!!!!!!!!

your mom may not agree with your situation you are in, but i believe she should be there for you 100%. I know if I was your mom, i would help you out as much as possible. but please DO NOT stress yourself out. you will be a great mother regardless of other opinions and no one can change that. =]

once again..congrats!

Raerae · 12-08-2006, 02:25 PM #12 (**permalink**)

Lots a credit to all you teen/young moms who go through with it. It's never easy raising a child, and even harder when your younger.

Just think positive, things are never as bad as they seem, and are usually better than you think.