Ross & Rachel...Who was right? Break or no break?

[euphrosyne_rose]

I'm a self proclaimed Friends freak. I've posted on here before. I watch the DVD sets ALL the time. Basically when there's nothing on, I throw on a DVD and eventually go through them all. Yeah, I'm a geek. What can I say??

I've always wondered what people thought of the Ross and Rachel "we were on a break" situation. Both had a pretty clear view of their stand of the situation and I always thought personally that Ross is the one who screwed up. It's true that Rachel told him they needed a break, but when he was at the bar with Joey and Chandler, he talked to Rachel on the phone and she started to tell him she didn't mean what she said but he learned Mark was there with her and before she could explain, he hung up on her and then that led to him having sex with the girl from the copy place, Chloe.

In his mind, they were on a break and I see his point as well since in a way, once he hung up with Rachel at the bar, it was done. Later, he kept mentioning that he wasn't the only one at fault, but to me, Rachel never truly did anything wrong. I always thought the scenes from before they broke up where Ross went to her office without her permission to do the romantic dinner were good ones and it always annoyed me that Ross did all that and then expected Rachel to do the apologizing. Sounds like plenty of real life relationships in my opinion!

What do you think? On a break or not on a break? Ross's fault totally or did Rachel have a hand in it as well??

 

[kaliraksha]

I'm also a Friends fanatic, I totally put it on in the background when I'm cooking or cleaning. I've seen it so many times I don't need to look at the screen, haha. While it isn't on par to the TV shows from today I love the characters and how it's almost a complete banter of endless jokes. You have to accept that it's very 90s. I've seen the whole series at least 10 times and the other day I caught a joke I missed the other 10 times. Oh, Chandler!

Anywho, I'm done with the praise!

I don't think anyone was clearly at fault with the "we were on a break!" and maybe that was part of the problem. It was a misunderstanding, Ross thought they were over. But, as a relationship courtesy Ross was totally in the wrong. I'm sorry, but I can't get down with being with someone else within 48hrs of breaking up with someone you loved. It just seems disrespectful.

 

[Geraldine]

Mmmmh, this is a difficult one. I think he screw it up by sleeping with the copy place girl. Like, it didn't even passed a week.

 

[fairbrother87]

I feel like I should chime in and add a differing opinion on the topic. Clearly, Ross was far too quick to "move on", but I feel that it is 90% Rachel's fault ( or more). When she said she wanted a break she took a moment after Ross said "let's go get some yogurt" and made the decision to say it. Ross called at the bar only to hear Mark in the background, which incidentally was one of the reasons Rachel decided to take a break ( she couldn't handle going through the same fight again and again). How she can throw it his face so often throughout the series is baffling and always stirs up a conversation between myself and my girlfriend ( her taking Rachel's side simply for the fact that Ross is a guy and must be wrong and a pig). When pushed to the edge you'll react in ways you thought you wouldn't. If Rachel knew Ross was with another woman I question what exactly she would have done with Mark that very same night. PS If the tables were turned I'd be on Rachel's side....but that isn't even close to being the case!

 

[Haribu]

Clearly Rachel took too much on herself! Yes, Ross was a little bit crazy about there relationship and too much jealous of Mark but Rachel was the one who wanted to take a break and it doesn't matter how fast Ross has found a new girl (not to mention he was upset and drunk) she had no right to judge him and then act like a victim! BTW in her younger years she's slept with a bunch of guys so speaking honestly she's kinda way worse than Ross!

 

[sayah]

Well, I think Ross acted the worst. Even if they had broken up and were not just "taking a break" his sleeping with another girl so soon after is a huge red flag for me. Add the jealousy and I'm not his no 1 fan.

 

[matowar]

So Rachel breaks up with Ross and he can't do what he wants? She dumped him! He didn't cheat or do anything wrong. If they weren't broke up then why did she ask if she could be his girlfriend again when she got to his apartment and also on the answering machine she said she didn't want to get back together over the a machine. The plain and simple truth is this; once she said they were done she had no right to but into his business. She cannot dictate what or who he does. Rachel is 100% in the wrong and Ross is completely blameless.

 

[rossisright]

Well first of all, most of your responses are completely biased towards Rachel...

Ross has done nothing wrong.... She was a filthy b***h ... she was not a wife material.... she never respected Ross... Definitely they were on a break... and if she feels that they were not on a break then what the hell was Mark doing at her place.... he could sleep with any girl anytime.. there is no rule that he has to wait for 48 hours....

Rachel was never suited for Ross... Ross was sincere,, Rachel was a b***h..

 

[pyscho23]

I really think both of them had equal parts to blame. They both did something wrong and could have avoided those mistakes they made but that doesn't make either of them an a**hole. The only a**hole was Mark in my opinion. I mean, yea, sure he wanted to date Rachel but as a guy would u really want to break off someone else's 1 year long relationship because u have a crush on the girl? I know i wouldn't.

Its true Ross was a little too insecure about Rachel and Mark. But thats only because he loved her so much. The fact that Rachel wanted a break from them broke his heart and he obviously was too hurt and drunk to be thinking and doing the right thing. Many people said Ross is the bad guy in all this but I really don't think so. If I were him, I don't think I'll be doing anything different. After the story in Ross' perspective goes like this:

The girlfriend he loves all of a sudden receives a job offer from a stranger, and like many guys, he become a little jealous. And on your 1st anniversary, she ditches him because she has to work (with the guy he is jealous of) and you get into a little fight. During the fight, his girlfriend suggests they should take a break, not from yogurt, but from them. Most people would take this as we should stay away from each other for a while. Angry and heartbroken, he goes to a bar, but tries to mends things up. But finds out that the guy that he suspected Rachel was seeing is with her. A pretty girl at the bar offers some sympathy sex. Most guys would not have done anything different.

Now lets look at the story from Rachel's perspective: Her boyfriend has a slight problem with the big break she is having as her careers is finally going somewhere. He cant even understand the fact that she is very busy with her work and most importantly, her boyfriend doesn't trust her about the fact that she is not cheating on him with her coworker. All she wanted was that little room of space and out of frustration she suggest that they need some space in-between them. She takes the next opportunity for company (even though she denied at first) to vent about the needy boyfriend she as. Out of wrong timing, her boyfriend finally has enough prove she is indeed seeing her coworker she feels absolutely guilty and tries to make things right with her boyfriend. The only thing she did wrong in my opinion was to allow Mark to go to her place. Understandably, she is out of friends at that time (Monica and Phoebe were on a double date) but she still shouldn't have let Mark in. I mean, if i love my girlfriend and she a little jealous of some other girl, I would avoid to be with that girl alone completely.

So I really think if they worked things out, they could have gone back together easily. Once again, miscommunication and not thinking right in the aftermath of Ross sleeping with the other girl caused problems. But one think that I think was too subtle in the show was Rachel keep mentioning how much Ross hurt her but what Rachel didn't realise was that she hurt Ross equally as much.

 

[Majestic12]

First of all, "taking a break" is female language for splitting up. In all my life, I've never seen anyone get back together once they've gone on a break. For Ross, it was over and although he blew one chance to make it back up, he was upset for a reason.

Basically, I have to side with Ross all the way. Let me tell you why:

Imagine if the roles were reversed: Ross got a job but barely got to spend any time with Rachel. Rachel then decides to surprise him at his job and they have a great time together. He blows her off and ... he'd be the massive jerk. Yet somehow, we are supposed to forgive Rachel because she's supposed the be a model for a strong woman? No, Rachel screwed up here.

Second point: Mark. Why is Ross so worried about Mark? I've been in an identical situation and I understand 100%: if a guy comes out of nowhere to go out of his way to help your gf, it's not because he wants to be friends. I've seen it all too often: the guy will fill her head with doubts, will slowly turn her against you. And after Carol left him for Susan, Ross was already in a place where he didn't want it to happen again. It's not about trust - "trust" is a cheap word to use in a relationship because it's an ideal. In truth, a guy may well succeed at breaking a relationship apart and from a guy's point of view, why would it be worth taking the risk?

Third point: she asked for the break. She demanded an excuse from him despite her being in the wrong. An anniversary can be a big deal to people and YES, it's JUST a job. It doesn't matter that it means a great deal to you, it doesn't matter that you're good at it. A job should only be there to provide you with the money needed to live your life. And if you think losing a boyfriend is worth it over a job, you shouldn't have a relationship in the first place.

Fourth point: she should NEVER have let Mark into her place. She wasn't drunk like Ross, she was the one who broke it off and insisted there was nothing between her and Mark and while she obviously regretted what she said, if the roles were reversed, Ross would have been "the bad guy".

So yeah, Ross was right, no contest. He was drunk, emotionally crushed and all this because of Rachel. She put him there. He didn't sleep with her out of choice and obviously he regretted it happened when he was sober, but Rachel screwed up while she wasn't drunk, while she had only to blame herself.

 

[MaitaiFluff]

So I really think if they worked things out, they could have gone back together easily. Once again, miscommunication and not thinking right in the aftermath of Ross sleeping with the other girl caused problems. But one think that I think was too subtle in the show was Rachel keep mentioning how much Ross hurt her but what Rachel didn't realise was that she hurt Ross equally as much.

That actually kind of makes you think that had they worked on their communication a little better they would've been the power couple that stays together.

First of all, "taking a break" is female language for splitting up. In all my life, I've never seen anyone get back together once they've gone on a break. For Ross, it was over and although he blew one chance to make it back up, he was upset for a reason. Third point: she asked for the break. She demanded an excuse from him despite her being in the wrong. An anniversary can be a big deal to people and YES, it's JUST a job. It doesn't matter that it means a great deal to you, it doesn't matter that you're good at it. A job should only be there to provide you with the money needed to live your life. And if you think losing a boyfriend is worth it over a job, you shouldn't have a relationship in the first place.

My SO and I have broken up and have gotten back together a year later. We also took a short break and decided to stay together. It works out sometimes. Also, I think this was much more than a job to Rachel. This was the start of her career, and, to me at least, that's a big deal. My SO understands that it is one of the most important things in my life and. for the most part, we both understand when one of us has to work late, even if one of us ends up stood up. We will always be there for one another, but opportunities to move ahead with our careers won't always be.

 

[KiarieHanata]

Like some of the previous posters, I'm also a Friends fanatic (it's actually currently playing in the background). This is a question I've thought a lot about and I think they are both in the wrong, but Rachel more so than Ross.

Rachel is in the wrong for calling him a cheater. He never cheated on her. Yes, he slept with another women, AFTER Rachel called off their relationship. As a girl that has been in a similar situation, I understand why Rachel was upset, but they were no longer together, therefore, Ross could do what he wanted with who he wanted.

Ross is in the wrong for jumping to conclusions. He just assumed something was going to happen because Mark was over at Rachel's. He should have waited for Rachel to explain. I believe that Ross wouldn't have slept with Chloe if he given Rachel the chance to talk. He's also in the wrong for trying to hide it from Rachel. He should have come clean from the start.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Majestic12
So yeah, Ross was right, no contest. He was drunk, emotionally crushed and all this because of Rachel. She put him there. He didn't sleep with her out of choice and obviously he regretted it happened when he was sober, but Rachel screwed up while she wasn't drunk, while she had only to blame herself.



Ross may have been drunk, but that's no excuse. He wasn't forced to drink, he wasn't forced to sleep with Chloe, those were both his choices. Granted, one happened because of the other, but that's just a perfect example of cause and effect.

Anyway, that's just my two cents.

~Kiarie

 

[Guardian94]

I am a huge Friends fan. I watched all 10 seasons in a week during my holidays. I hate Ross a LOT because hes very annoying. I think Rachel is slightly wrong here and Ross is completely wrong.

First of all, Rachel had finally found her dream job, something she was passionate about. If she just forgot about the job she could have been fired and she would never have had another opportunity to get such a good job again. They could always have celebrated the anniversary later or the next day. Remember on their first date, Ross had a problem at the museum. If he didn't care so much about his job he could have just ignored the problem and enjoyed their first date together. But they went to the museum anyway and it took several hours for Ross to finish his work and by that time it was already late. Despite that, they found a way to make up for it and they had a REALLY enjoyable night. Anyway, people forget that many men put their job ahead of family and their girlfriends and barely spend any time with their loved ones. Its easy for a guy to just tell the girl to put her job on the line but they wouldn't do it themselves.

Also, when Ross had to give a speech in 3rd season 2nd episode, he was so worried about being late that he shouted at Rachel for not being ready even though she was trying to look good for his speech. It seems like he cared more about his speech than he cared for his girlfriend.

Rachel was very stressed out after working late and all the crap that Ross did in the office that when she got home she was very tired and irritated. Ross was annoying her even more accusing her of ruining their night. Rachel said that "MAYBE" they should take a break. Ross doesn't even try to argue, he just walks out the door and heads to a bar. In the fight at the end of the episode "The morning after", Ross asks Rachel if she wants to fight for their relationship or not but he never fought.

It was wrong of Rachel to allow Mark to come to her place just after Ross left. It felt like Mark was just barging in to her place. Rachel refused at first but he just ignored her and did what he wanted. Rachel needed her friends since she was upset with what she had said but since her two best friends were not there, she allowed Mark to listen to her story and cheer her up as a friend.

When Ross called Rachel from the bar, he didn't even listen to what she had to say. As soon as he heard Mark's voice, he just hung up and went off to drink.

It infuriates me when people keep talking as if a relationship is a contract, as if when one party wants to cancel the contract, the other party is free to do what they want. A relationship is about love and feelings and caring about each other. Ross and Rachel were supposed to be in love. Just because he thought they had broken up was no excuse for him to have sex with another girl a few hours after "breaking up". It doesn't even feel like he loved Rachel. He had no excuse to get drunk either. He didn't do that even when his wife whom he loved for 7 years declared she was a lesbian and wanted to divorce.

Also, Rachel tried to make up for it the morning after. She did her best to get back together but Ross didn't even bother except to fight with her in the end and act as if everything was her fault.

To summarise, Ross acted like a dick(like most guys do).

BTW I am a guy and I am partial to girls cause I think they're more sensible and the world would be better if they were managing it.

 

[Majestic12]

Quote:
First of all, Rachel had finally found her dream job, something she was passionate about. If she just forgot about the job she could have been fired and she would never have had another opportunity to get such a good job again. They could always have celebrated the anniversary later or the next day. Remember on their first date, Ross had a problem at the museum. If he didn't care so much about his job he could have just ignored the problem and enjoyed their first date together. But they went to the museum anyway and it took several hours for Ross to finish his work and by that time it was already late. Despite that, they found a way to make up for it and they had a REALLY enjoyable night. Anyway, people forget that many men put their job ahead of family and their girlfriends and barely spend any time with their loved ones. Its easy for a guy to just tell the girl to put her job on the line but they wouldn't do it themselves.


Boy do you have a bad memory. Rachel had neglected Ross for weeks because of her job - that's a far cry from one single date where Ross did his best to make up for it. Compared to that, Rachel was just bitchy when she got home and got very defensive. Do you honestly and seriously think a job should be so important that it would stop you from barely seeing your gf or bf for weeks? If you think even a guy would get away with that, you're naive. Relationships don't work like that. Again, if it had been the other way round and Ross had been blowing her off for weeks, this thread would have been filled with "OMG Ross was such a douche for neglecting poor Rachel!" but once again, the guy is always wrong even if the girl is the one who is selfish. Don't get me wrong, I can see how important a job is, but there are limits. I have a demanding job myself but if a job is so bad it dominates your life and stops you from spending important times with your family friends and lovers, then you're doing something wrong, full stop.

 

[Guardian94]

It was one week. Not several weeks. -.-
Do you have any other silly arguments?

 

[MmeSpark]

Mmmmh, this is a difficult one. I think he screw it up by sleeping with the copy place girl. Like, it didn't even passed a week.

I totally agree. Taking all into consideration, it was too quick and there was no excuse.

I LOVE Friends, and still get upset when I see that episode.

 

[whyslaylessthou]

If people are still reading this thread Rachel definitely overacted as they were on a break. She even tells Monica in the 'Morning After' episode that they broke up instead of having their anniversary dinner. So she knows they broke up and was being unreasonable. Sure what Ross did was an incident which would be frowned upon by some but it wasn't wrong as the two of them were no longer together.

 

[mosha010]

I agree. They were on a break. It hurt cause he did it that same night but still

 

[k3n2s1]

If we're strictly talking about the break/no break situation, Ross is CLEARLY the right one and Rachel is NOT. It isn't even close.

First of all, I think everyone is letting their view of who the better person was during the entire length of their relationship into this argument, which is another argument for another day. Of course Ross was being overly jealous and overstepping his boundaries in regards to her job. But again, another argument for another day.

As for the real argument, Rachel was the one that said "let's take a break," fully knowing what that meant. She even had the chance to stop and think about what she said to prevent it from snowballing when Ross said "let's go get some yogurt." She even says to Monica the next day that they broke up, so that's a huge flaw in her argument to begin with.

The other MAJOR problem is the fact that she LET Mark come over that night. Never really tried to stop him (she gave a half-ass try because she really did want him there). She could have called Monica, Phoebe or even one of the other guys before speaking to Mark about. No guy who isn't clearly interested in a girl would rush to over to their place if he wasn't trying to angle himself into being the next guy. She couldn't have possibly been that naive. Ross had every right to feel the way he felt after he called her and heard Mark in the background. Why should he wait to hear her explanation about why he's there? She didn't waste anytime having her over. That's way more offensive than anything he did. Their relationship is on the rocks and that's the first person she decides to speak to? Definitely not okay. She had to have known how that would make Ross feel. IF the relationship wasn't done before, it was definitely done now.

Ross would've never made the mistake, if Rachel hadn't made several of them first. Ross didn't have sex so soon because of his raging testosterone. He had it because he was seriously hurt and reasonably thought that Rachel was at her apartment possibly having a good time with Mark. Thing that bugged me was that this argument was an afterthought on the show. Ross mentioned it once and never delved deeper into it during the huge fight.


If you want to debate about their relationship I can understand that, but I honestly never understood how there was ever any debate over the Break/No Break thing.

 

[motleyfan]

Y'all gotta remember, when Rachel even said to Monica " we kinda broke up ". She didn't even say on a break