18 and 26

[Verient]

I'm 17 (about to turn 18) and the guy is 25 (about to turn 26). So there is a 8 year age gap.

This doesn't bother me at all. However, it bothers him. He says that people change a lot between my age and his. I consider myself quite mature for my age and mature in a relationship. Yes I agree everyone changes as they get older to a certain extent - but the feelings I have for him are strong and I can't see that changing!

I see him probably twice a week...for sex. It does bother me, as I feel used, but at the same time - he's freaking hot!! However, every time he leaves mine, or we get back from going to the cinema together, I always miss him.

What are everyone's opinions on this? Any advice? xxxx

 

[ShesAFoxyLady]

I'd be more bothered about the fact that he just appears to be using you for sex, rather than the age gap!

An 8 year age gap is nothing. Ok, yes people do change a lot between teenage years and mid-late twenties, but to be honest I doubt this is even a genuine concern of his... why? well, because if he cared about you that much to worry over you 'changing your mind' or 'moving on' he wouldn't just be using you for sex in the first place! Sounds like a good excuse not to get too serious with you, if you ask me.

I'm 17 (about to turn 18) and the guy is 25 (about to turn 26). So there is a 8 year age gap.

This doesn't bother me at all. However, it bothers him. He says that people change a lot between my age and his. I consider myself quite mature for my age and mature in a relationship. Yes I agree everyone changes as they get older to a certain extent - but the feelings I have for him are strong and I can't see that changing!

I see him probably twice a week...for sex. It does bother me, as I feel used, but at the same time - he's freaking hot!! However, every time he leaves mine, or we get back from going to the cinema together, I always miss him.

What are everyone's opinions on this? Any advice? xxxx

 

[Verient]

Thanks for your reply
He said to me that there is nothing wrong with me, but that it's just the age but I do agree that if he liked me that much the age wouldn't cross his mind.

 

[ShesAFoxyLady]

No problem, sorry if it sounded harsh but you need to get a better man - I'm sure you're worth much more than just being someone's booty call!

If he thinks you're that immature and unsure of your own mind, he shouldn't be having sex with you...

 

[Cydonian]

8 years is not a big age gap once you get past your teen years. Before that, I'd say it's near impossible to carry on a strong relationship.

I wouldn't worry about the age gap until it actually becomes a problem. The issue is that usually when a girl gets attached to someone, we won't necessarily take the steps to sever the connection when we really should. I was in a relationship from the time I hit 18 until about 21 and the entire reason I ended it was because I changed. I had no interest in him anymore and we had moved our separate ways. What's funny is that I try talking to him now and I can't even listen to him because he's so far below me in terms of maturity (I'm almost 24 now). That guy was the same age as me, but I'm trying to use the story as an example of what you will go through. Your tastes could completely change... in fact, they WILL change. "Your man" is 25/26, and a lot more stable but even men tend to change right before their 30s. I like to call it a pre midlife crisis ;-)

I saw a red flag when you said 'sex' and '17'... but I realized you're probably in Europe so the age laws are different there. I would still be very wary, you're young and if you can already tell what he's after... why are you bothering? I can tell you for CERTAIN that if he's got the mindset of you as a sex buddy, that cannot change. He will always see you as a sexual object and nothing more. Once you've gone into that category, it's really difficult to reverse and start over.

Best of luck, but I would look at moving on soon.

 

[LMD84]

yeah i honestly don't think the age gap is anything to worry about. but the fact you only usually see him twice a week for sex is what is worrying. why is he treating you like that? to me that is not a good relationship if you are starting to feel used for sex. maybe you should try and go a couple of weeks without any sex and see what kind of relationship you have left when that is taken away. and if there isnt really anything there perhaps it is time to move on.

 

[Meisje]

If he's only seeing you twice a week for sex, he sees you as a booty call.

 

[Verient]

Thanks everyone. Didn't text him for a few days and he text me today and I'm trying to resist seeing him

 

[LMD84]

Thanks everyone. Didn't text him for a few days and he text me today and I'm trying to resist seeing him

yeah put the phone away and just ignore him. or suggest going out somewhere for a coffee where nothing sexual could possibly happen.

 

[hello_my_apple]

I won't beat that dead horse about the sexual part. One has to wonder why your age isnt a problem regarding sex - but only when matters concern a relationship. I would TRY NOT to stress the relationship aspect of it, but if you want the sex because he's hot, then proceed with caution! I swear if you stopped talking to him today, in a few months when you "change" as he loves to put it, you wont even remember what his favorite color is. lol. Good luck hun

 

[LMD84]

I won't beat that dead horse about the sexual part. One has to wonder why your age isnt a problem regarding sex - but only when matters concern a relationship. I would TRY NOT to stress the relationship aspect of it, but if you want the sex because he's hot, then proceed with caution! I swear if you stopped talking to him today, in a few months when you "change" as he loves to put it, you wont even remember what his favorite color is. lol. Good luck hun

exactly! i totally agree

 

[NutMeg]

The age difference doesn't have to be a big deal. I started dating SO when I was 20, and he was 29 (almost 30). However, I wouldn't have been ready for that a year before. I needed to grow up and be on my own. We had a lot in common, we were both students... If I'd still been living in dorms it wouldn't have worked as well.

And, as PPs have said, why is your age a problem for a relationship but not sex?

 

[WhatWouldJoanDo]

I dunno. First I would figure out what exactly you want. If it is a complete relationship with him, then make yourself available at times that foster balance in your all sex relationship ie. 'i can meet for lunch'.
(Be careful with your heart continuing on path, because it sounds like he is trying to push you away with his comments about how much people change; without the add-on but I hope to be there and our relationship grows with you .... )

If you really don't want a relationship with him in the long run, then have fun with it acknowledging that this is not serious; or make yourself available to someone who you really think you could like the whole package.

my 2 cents.

Thanks everyone. Didn't text him for a few days and he text me today and I'm trying to resist seeing him

 

[Boasorte]

If he's so worried, why is he having sex with you? Also, why are you missing a hook up buddy? Seems like he just wants to bang you...

 

[gujifijian]

ok I only read few comments so not exactly sure what everyone is saying..but i do agree with most of them when they say that this guy is definitely using u for sex...If a guy meets a gurl only twice a week, he's not interested in having a relationship with her..he is merely looking for sex with no strings attached. Most guys r jersk n' they are so many better guys out there who don't treat gurls this way...if u say he's hot then just let it be for sex, don't have ur hopes up high into thinking there could be more than just sex and I'm sure it won't be...u deserve better in fact all women do..u'll find him one day but in the meantime if having fun is wat u want to do then so be it, have fun. If u want a relationship then u need to let this guy go and find a real man!

 

[StandingRoom]

I won't beat that dead horse about the sexual part. One has to wonder why your age isnt a problem regarding sex - but only when matters concern a relationship. I would TRY NOT to stress the relationship aspect of it, but if you want the sex because he's hot, then proceed with caution! I swear if you stopped talking to him today, in a few months when you "change" as he loves to put it, you wont even remember what his favorite color is. lol. Good luck hun

Yes, exactly this. I was dating a 37-year-old when I was 18 (but I wasn't sexually active,) and once I realized what a mistake it was, I instantly seemed to forget all about him. I truly don't even remember his last name right now.