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Lizzie
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't forgive him.
He hurt you. And then he lied about it. Who knows what else he could be lying about. Next time he sees you is he going to tell you again that you don't know everything? Once the trust is broken, I don't see how you can believe anything that he tells you. I would not want to live with that doubt in the back of my mind. Knowing that he cheated and lied and wondering every day if he's lying to me again.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I'm sure that whatever happens you'll be ok.
Take care.
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't forgive him.
He hurt you. And then he lied about it. Who knows what else he could be lying about. Next time he sees you is he going to tell you again that you don't know everything? Once the trust is broken, I don't see how you can believe anything that he tells you. I would not want to live with that doubt in the back of my mind. Knowing that he cheated and lied and wondering every day if he's lying to me again.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I'm sure that whatever happens you'll be ok.
Take care.
florabundance
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
Hey girl
Since you've forgiven him, to start to regain trust you have to look at it this way: he could have came to you and acted like everything was all good and nothing happened between him and that girl, but being with you made him see his mistake and he admitted it to you. A lot of men would not do that. But he did, so that's something.
If it was the distance between you guys that caused his confusion then talk to him about ways you can both deal with that.
If you felt that you wanted to forgive him, then you're not a fool at all. x
Hey girl
Since you've forgiven him, to start to regain trust you have to look at it this way: he could have came to you and acted like everything was all good and nothing happened between him and that girl, but being with you made him see his mistake and he admitted it to you. A lot of men would not do that. But he did, so that's something.
If it was the distance between you guys that caused his confusion then talk to him about ways you can both deal with that.
If you felt that you wanted to forgive him, then you're not a fool at all. x
trammie
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
I was in a similiar situation, although my boyfriend didn't cheat, since we weren't dating and nothing happened between them, it was just kinda like a date. But the fact that they lied is the problem. I think if you've decided to forgive him then stick to it. Just make sure he EARNS your trust back because trust is something that can be taken away easily but takes forever to earn and let him know that. Let him know that although you forgive him, it doesnt make it okay. He still needs to earn your trust so that in the future you wouldn't worry and wonder.
It takes awhile but he can earn your trust back, after 1 1/2 years, my boyfriend proved to me that its only me so I'm sure he can do the same! =) Hope it helps and hope the situation gets better!
I was in a similiar situation, although my boyfriend didn't cheat, since we weren't dating and nothing happened between them, it was just kinda like a date. But the fact that they lied is the problem. I think if you've decided to forgive him then stick to it. Just make sure he EARNS your trust back because trust is something that can be taken away easily but takes forever to earn and let him know that. Let him know that although you forgive him, it doesnt make it okay. He still needs to earn your trust so that in the future you wouldn't worry and wonder.
It takes awhile but he can earn your trust back, after 1 1/2 years, my boyfriend proved to me that its only me so I'm sure he can do the same! =) Hope it helps and hope the situation gets better!
gigglegirl
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
I don't think you are a fool for forgiving him.
For me, it sounds like there was so much uncertainty if you guys were even together and would ever meet. So for me, so what he kissed a girl ages ago. He still made a HUGE gesture by flying out to you NOW.
Does he exhibit any questionable behaviours while you are together? Do you think he's the type to have a wandering eye? What does your gut say?
I think there is just so much uncertainty with internet dating but if you've finally met, made some commitment then from now on you guys should/could be faithful to one another.
Thats just my two cents from watching my brother's internet relationship stuff.
I don't think you are a fool for forgiving him.
For me, it sounds like there was so much uncertainty if you guys were even together and would ever meet. So for me, so what he kissed a girl ages ago. He still made a HUGE gesture by flying out to you NOW.
Does he exhibit any questionable behaviours while you are together? Do you think he's the type to have a wandering eye? What does your gut say?
I think there is just so much uncertainty with internet dating but if you've finally met, made some commitment then from now on you guys should/could be faithful to one another.
Thats just my two cents from watching my brother's internet relationship stuff.
rbella
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
Quote:
This is what I would focus on. From what I can tell, it sounds like you hadn't even met yet. Nor were you sure you would meet. I would say that I'd have a hard time being "faithful" to someone I had never met face to face. I would consider the relationship to be started on a clean slate the day that you met him. If he does anything from that point on, then screw it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gigglegirl
I don't think you are a fool for forgiving him. For me, it sounds like there was so much uncertainty if you guys were even together and would ever meet. So for me, so what he kissed a girl ages ago. He still made a HUGE gesture by flying out to you NOW. |
This is what I would focus on. From what I can tell, it sounds like you hadn't even met yet. Nor were you sure you would meet. I would say that I'd have a hard time being "faithful" to someone I had never met face to face. I would consider the relationship to be started on a clean slate the day that you met him. If he does anything from that point on, then screw it.
armi
Member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
I really think that you can't forbid him to talk to that girl.
If he just doesn't get WHY he shouldn't talk to her and why you get hurt by that, he's just going talk to her - and tell you that he hasn't. I think it's much more effective to get him realize your point of view, than just to say "I'll leave you if you talk to her".
I really think that you can't forbid him to talk to that girl.
If he just doesn't get WHY he shouldn't talk to her and why you get hurt by that, he's just going talk to her - and tell you that he hasn't. I think it's much more effective to get him realize your point of view, than just to say "I'll leave you if you talk to her".
jasminbarley
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
*****
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Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
I don't know what to tell you...
If you decide to stay with him, you are going to out yourself through some hell. Every time an infidelity story comes up, I always talk about the one that almost happened with my current boyfriend. He "almost" cheated on me. He lied to me about it when I confronted him about it (said he just slept over at some chick's house) and then a month later confesses to me on my birthday (that he shared a bed but didn't even kiss her).
It kind of made me sick when I found out. It still does when events I think are similar occur (him going to hang out with friends he hasn't seen in a while). However, I chose to forgive him, so I also chose to deal with my own issues on the matter. Are you willing to do that? He has yet to do anything shady, but I am hurt still and occasionally feel bad and angry and worried. As he works to regain my trust, I work on trusting him. You have to be willing to do that.
I think it's odd he cares about what this other girl thinks of his behavior towards her. I think, if he is truly friends with her, he needs to come clean to her about you. He isn't this other girl's boyfriend; he has no reason to look suspicious to her. He looks bad, sure, but what he did was bad.
If you're fearful about the relationship and your decision, you need to keep an open line of communication with him. That's what I'm doing. It's much better than letting it fester and being angry about it and fighting over something that's maybe tangentially related.
Forgive me if you have mentioned this before, but are you his first relationship? I'm my boyfriend's first real girlfriend, and that's why I strongly believe he occasionally struggles.
I can't tell you what's right for you, but if you choose to forgive him and stay with him, you really must forgive him in order for it to work.
I don't know what to tell you...
If you decide to stay with him, you are going to out yourself through some hell. Every time an infidelity story comes up, I always talk about the one that almost happened with my current boyfriend. He "almost" cheated on me. He lied to me about it when I confronted him about it (said he just slept over at some chick's house) and then a month later confesses to me on my birthday (that he shared a bed but didn't even kiss her).
It kind of made me sick when I found out. It still does when events I think are similar occur (him going to hang out with friends he hasn't seen in a while). However, I chose to forgive him, so I also chose to deal with my own issues on the matter. Are you willing to do that? He has yet to do anything shady, but I am hurt still and occasionally feel bad and angry and worried. As he works to regain my trust, I work on trusting him. You have to be willing to do that.
I think it's odd he cares about what this other girl thinks of his behavior towards her. I think, if he is truly friends with her, he needs to come clean to her about you. He isn't this other girl's boyfriend; he has no reason to look suspicious to her. He looks bad, sure, but what he did was bad.
If you're fearful about the relationship and your decision, you need to keep an open line of communication with him. That's what I'm doing. It's much better than letting it fester and being angry about it and fighting over something that's maybe tangentially related.
Forgive me if you have mentioned this before, but are you his first relationship? I'm my boyfriend's first real girlfriend, and that's why I strongly believe he occasionally struggles.
I can't tell you what's right for you, but if you choose to forgive him and stay with him, you really must forgive him in order for it to work.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
I will tell you that it gets a bit easier once you realize that he hasn't done anything bad. I feel sort of bad, but I felt very relieved when I saw him and his parents the next day and heard he did come home at a reasonable hour.
I think it's probably normal to be suspicious slightly for a while, but I don't think you should tell him what to do. It isn't fair, and I think the more you let go, the more
The way I look at it is if my boyfriend would've cheated on me with the first girl, he's a fucking loser. I'm a catch (sorry if that's arrogant). I would've be humiliated and dumped him (I still feel kind of humiliated), but I also know I'm worthwhile to date.
If you want to talk about this via PM, feel free. I find keeping a journal has, in general, helped me sort through all my emotions and get to the root of my actions.
I will tell you that it gets a bit easier once you realize that he hasn't done anything bad. I feel sort of bad, but I felt very relieved when I saw him and his parents the next day and heard he did come home at a reasonable hour.
I think it's probably normal to be suspicious slightly for a while, but I don't think you should tell him what to do. It isn't fair, and I think the more you let go, the more
The way I look at it is if my boyfriend would've cheated on me with the first girl, he's a fucking loser. I'm a catch (sorry if that's arrogant). I would've be humiliated and dumped him (I still feel kind of humiliated), but I also know I'm worthwhile to date.
If you want to talk about this via PM, feel free. I find keeping a journal has, in general, helped me sort through all my emotions and get to the root of my actions.
PolyphonicLove
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
You aren't foolish in the least. The fact that he flew THAT FAR just to see you and confessed what he did shows that he does care, and actually has some balls.
However.
It will take a while to regain trust in him, since he's VERY far away. You should talk to him about this other chick, and make sure she knows that he's with YOU - so there will be no more kissy foo foo's in the future.
You aren't foolish in the least. The fact that he flew THAT FAR just to see you and confessed what he did shows that he does care, and actually has some balls.
However.
It will take a while to regain trust in him, since he's VERY far away. You should talk to him about this other chick, and make sure she knows that he's with YOU - so there will be no more kissy foo foo's in the future.
seonmi
Well-known member
Re: Mi & Mi boyfriend update. Am i the local fool?
Alibi, I'm glad to know that he got to Moscow safe and sound and you guys finally got to see each other face to face
About the cheating part, honestly, if I was him, I wouldn't say a word about that
because how could you ever find out? So, considered that, I think he's a good guy. And he flew such a long way to see you. So I hope you can give your relationship a fresh start and enjoy the valuable time together (trust me, I know how valuable it is)
Alibi, I'm glad to know that he got to Moscow safe and sound and you guys finally got to see each other face to face
About the cheating part, honestly, if I was him, I wouldn't say a word about that
