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girlsaidwhat
Well-known member
Re: Gotta ask you for help again
You're acting extremely insecure....
and honestly, there isn't anything /less/ attractive to a man.
If he loves you, he /loves/ you...and you will feel it, and he will /show/ it.
If he doesn't...
he doesn't deserve you, and you should feel good about figuring it out earlier instead of later.
You have to believe that you are /of value/. But it's pretty clear that you don't. If you make your love decisions based from a place of ....not valuing yourself...it will never turn out right. You will choose people unable to value you, because you don't believe you are of value yourself.
No man is worth all of this. If he /loves/ you he will move heaven and earth to be with you and to make sure YOU feel it. If you aren't feeling it, maybe he isn't valuing you in the way that you deserve and you should move on.
The truth is, humans have physical needs that can't go ignored for long or people /do/ cheat. We /all/ need a physical connection. To make a distance relationship like this really work...it's just not likely. I'm not saying it's not possible, only that it's not likely. Both parties would have to be...mature...loving...open...deep...it'd take a whole lot of "right" to make up for the lack of regular physical closeness.
Maybe this is ...simply a reality check for you?
You're acting extremely insecure....
and honestly, there isn't anything /less/ attractive to a man.
If he loves you, he /loves/ you...and you will feel it, and he will /show/ it.
If he doesn't...
he doesn't deserve you, and you should feel good about figuring it out earlier instead of later.
You have to believe that you are /of value/. But it's pretty clear that you don't. If you make your love decisions based from a place of ....not valuing yourself...it will never turn out right. You will choose people unable to value you, because you don't believe you are of value yourself.
No man is worth all of this. If he /loves/ you he will move heaven and earth to be with you and to make sure YOU feel it. If you aren't feeling it, maybe he isn't valuing you in the way that you deserve and you should move on.
The truth is, humans have physical needs that can't go ignored for long or people /do/ cheat. We /all/ need a physical connection. To make a distance relationship like this really work...it's just not likely. I'm not saying it's not possible, only that it's not likely. Both parties would have to be...mature...loving...open...deep...it'd take a whole lot of "right" to make up for the lack of regular physical closeness.
Maybe this is ...simply a reality check for you?
rbella
Well-known member
Re: Gotta ask you for help again
You need to get a hold of yourself, girl. You are way better than this. You are so young and believe me, if it doesn't work out with him, it will with someone else. I dated about 10 men before I met my husband between the time I was your age and when I finally met him. And, I would get nervous and sick to me stomach at the very thought of one of them leaving me.
Guess what? I'm fine, and happier. My gut was right and I couldn't be better because I'm with someone who doesn't make me feel that way.
He shouldn't be correcting you, that's stupid and you sound like you are letting him doubt yourself as person and I think that sucks.
You need to get a hold of yourself, girl. You are way better than this. You are so young and believe me, if it doesn't work out with him, it will with someone else. I dated about 10 men before I met my husband between the time I was your age and when I finally met him. And, I would get nervous and sick to me stomach at the very thought of one of them leaving me.
Guess what? I'm fine, and happier. My gut was right and I couldn't be better because I'm with someone who doesn't make me feel that way.
He shouldn't be correcting you, that's stupid and you sound like you are letting him doubt yourself as person and I think that sucks.
NicksWifey
Well-known member
Re: Gotta ask you for help again
Don't let this get you down. You are a gorgeous girl and I seriously do not mean this to sound rude and am not trying to put you down in any way, but what about getting together with a guy that you can actually see in person a lot more and who is closer to you? Long distance is hard enough as it is, and only being able to talk online when you guys have the chance to is difficult.
Don't get yourself worked up over this guy, there are so many more fish in the sea.
Don't let this get you down. You are a gorgeous girl and I seriously do not mean this to sound rude and am not trying to put you down in any way, but what about getting together with a guy that you can actually see in person a lot more and who is closer to you? Long distance is hard enough as it is, and only being able to talk online when you guys have the chance to is difficult.
Don't get yourself worked up over this guy, there are so many more fish in the sea.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Gotta ask you for help again
You sound a little obsessive. You also sound like there are several issues that are bothering you.
I would talk about how when he makes fun of you that it hurts your feelings. Depending on what it is (talk to someone about the specifics), it could be that you're a little sensitive or that he's being an ass.
Is this his first year in college or is it a particularly crucial year? When I first started college, a friend of mine (later turned into a stalker) was pissed I couldn't spend 4 hours every night talking to her on AIM. We're no longer friends because she didn't understand or refused to understand I was studying or wanted to establish somewhat of a social life. I'd be there for her if something bad happened, but I couldn't always be there for her for everything.
Depending on how overworked he is (college is grueling and if you do a lot of work on the computer, the last thing you want to do sometimes is touch a computer) and how often you're bringing this up, his annoyance may be justified. Some of them aren't very nice things to say, but God knows people have driven me up the wall. You have to be patient and understanding; I was once friends with a couple where the girl managed to breakup the relationship by bringing up marriage every day.
You have two choices really. You either break up with him because of the long distance factor (I wouldn't blame you; long distance is so hard) or you stay with him and try to change your behaviors. Don't suspect something if there's nothing there. It'll just cause problems that didn't need to exist and make you anxious and unhappy.
You sound a little obsessive. You also sound like there are several issues that are bothering you.
I would talk about how when he makes fun of you that it hurts your feelings. Depending on what it is (talk to someone about the specifics), it could be that you're a little sensitive or that he's being an ass.
Is this his first year in college or is it a particularly crucial year? When I first started college, a friend of mine (later turned into a stalker) was pissed I couldn't spend 4 hours every night talking to her on AIM. We're no longer friends because she didn't understand or refused to understand I was studying or wanted to establish somewhat of a social life. I'd be there for her if something bad happened, but I couldn't always be there for her for everything.
Depending on how overworked he is (college is grueling and if you do a lot of work on the computer, the last thing you want to do sometimes is touch a computer) and how often you're bringing this up, his annoyance may be justified. Some of them aren't very nice things to say, but God knows people have driven me up the wall. You have to be patient and understanding; I was once friends with a couple where the girl managed to breakup the relationship by bringing up marriage every day.
You have two choices really. You either break up with him because of the long distance factor (I wouldn't blame you; long distance is so hard) or you stay with him and try to change your behaviors. Don't suspect something if there's nothing there. It'll just cause problems that didn't need to exist and make you anxious and unhappy.
Cinci
Well-known member
Re: Gotta ask you for help again
I have to agree with girlsaidwhat and beauty mark. have you ever read the book He's Just Not Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo? I'm not saying that he's not into you.. but I think it has alot of good lessons about handing situations and behaviours.... and points out alot about what a woman should and shouldn't put up with....
i think you need a boost of self confidence... start putting yourself first, and not him. Focus on yourself for a bit... As I said to a friend recently.. No man will be interested in a woman, who's only interest is him.. (and im not saying you have no outside interests.. but it just sounds like he is consuimg all your thoughts/time).. If i were in your situation, i'dtry giving him a bit more space and keeping myself a little more busy...
sorry if any of this sounds hurtful..
I have to agree with girlsaidwhat and beauty mark. have you ever read the book He's Just Not Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo? I'm not saying that he's not into you.. but I think it has alot of good lessons about handing situations and behaviours.... and points out alot about what a woman should and shouldn't put up with....
i think you need a boost of self confidence... start putting yourself first, and not him. Focus on yourself for a bit... As I said to a friend recently.. No man will be interested in a woman, who's only interest is him.. (and im not saying you have no outside interests.. but it just sounds like he is consuimg all your thoughts/time).. If i were in your situation, i'dtry giving him a bit more space and keeping myself a little more busy...
sorry if any of this sounds hurtful..
revoltofagirl
Well-known member
Re: Gotta ask you for help again
if your gut is telling you something isn't right, then maybe it isn't. he cheated on you once and he could possibley do it again. I'm not saying he is, but it's possible. so it makes sense that you're a little insecure about it, especially at a vulnerable time like this.
I dated someone and it was long distance (not a different country but on the other side of the US). we had a great internet relationship for about a year before we got to meet in person. some things went wrong during our week together and we just weren't communicating well. when I returned home I was full of doubt and worry... if my SO didn't get online everyday or message me or something, it didn't feel right.
turns out that I wasn't everything that my SO thought I would be... we had let our relationship go online for so long that we each built up this ideal version of the person we were with and it just didn't turn out that way in reality. so my now-ex cheated on me and then broke up with me over email... I'm not saying that will happen to you, and I don't mean to make you worry more but that's just my experience with something similar.
it's possible that he's stressed right now and has a lot on his mind and a lot of school work he needs to focus on. maybe meeting you in person has made him more comfortable so that he feels he can go a day or so and not talk to you as much... he's trusting you to be there for him regardless. do you get what I mean? you might try to give him a little space -- let HIM come to YOU, and just try not to worry yourself sick. if it's meant to be, it will happen.
if your gut is telling you something isn't right, then maybe it isn't. he cheated on you once and he could possibley do it again. I'm not saying he is, but it's possible. so it makes sense that you're a little insecure about it, especially at a vulnerable time like this.
I dated someone and it was long distance (not a different country but on the other side of the US). we had a great internet relationship for about a year before we got to meet in person. some things went wrong during our week together and we just weren't communicating well. when I returned home I was full of doubt and worry... if my SO didn't get online everyday or message me or something, it didn't feel right.
turns out that I wasn't everything that my SO thought I would be... we had let our relationship go online for so long that we each built up this ideal version of the person we were with and it just didn't turn out that way in reality. so my now-ex cheated on me and then broke up with me over email... I'm not saying that will happen to you, and I don't mean to make you worry more but that's just my experience with something similar.
it's possible that he's stressed right now and has a lot on his mind and a lot of school work he needs to focus on. maybe meeting you in person has made him more comfortable so that he feels he can go a day or so and not talk to you as much... he's trusting you to be there for him regardless. do you get what I mean? you might try to give him a little space -- let HIM come to YOU, and just try not to worry yourself sick. if it's meant to be, it will happen.
