---
- Thread starter User93
- Start date
MACLovin
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
To be completely honest, it seems like you are being kind of obsessive, sorry. I agree with your bf, you need to chill out..lol. Whatever happened, happened and if you are still together after that (especially since maybe your relationship wasn't set in stone at the time), then you need to work out whatever insecurity issues you have and give him a little trust and space.
Being clingy, obsessive, controlling, crazy, etc. are surefire ways to drive your boyfriend further away. Long distance relationships are hard enough as it is so if you can't find some way to occupy your time when he's not available, and stop playing "what-if" scenarios in your head, you are going to go insane. That's great that you love him, but he needs to have a life and not have to account for every second of the day when he talks to you. That will get old really quick. Also, you have to realize that someone may not be available every day at a set time ALL the time.. things happen, people do things that weren't on their agendas, whatever the case it shouldn't be something you give him hell for when he does eventually sign on.
Anyways, I'm just trying to help you see the other side, because I've been in his position and it can really drive you crazy..
Hope you guys work things out.
To be completely honest, it seems like you are being kind of obsessive, sorry. I agree with your bf, you need to chill out..lol. Whatever happened, happened and if you are still together after that (especially since maybe your relationship wasn't set in stone at the time), then you need to work out whatever insecurity issues you have and give him a little trust and space.
Being clingy, obsessive, controlling, crazy, etc. are surefire ways to drive your boyfriend further away. Long distance relationships are hard enough as it is so if you can't find some way to occupy your time when he's not available, and stop playing "what-if" scenarios in your head, you are going to go insane. That's great that you love him, but he needs to have a life and not have to account for every second of the day when he talks to you. That will get old really quick. Also, you have to realize that someone may not be available every day at a set time ALL the time.. things happen, people do things that weren't on their agendas, whatever the case it shouldn't be something you give him hell for when he does eventually sign on.
Anyways, I'm just trying to help you see the other side, because I've been in his position and it can really drive you crazy..
Hope you guys work things out.
NutMeg
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
I wish my thumb was better so I could type more. For now I'll say that while you aren't completely in the wrong, I think the problems you have right now are mostly of your own making. No one wants to be in a relationship where they aren't trusted. I think your obsession is getting really unhealthy. There's so much more I want to say, but its too painful to type. PM if you want to add details and I'll PM you back when I can. Hugs!
I wish my thumb was better so I could type more. For now I'll say that while you aren't completely in the wrong, I think the problems you have right now are mostly of your own making. No one wants to be in a relationship where they aren't trusted. I think your obsession is getting really unhealthy. There's so much more I want to say, but its too painful to type. PM if you want to add details and I'll PM you back when I can. Hugs!
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
Since there's so much going on, I'm going to answer this point by point. But before I begin, you are being obsessive. You need to stop, not just for him but for yourself. You will go nuts if you can't stop obsessing over him.
Quote:
I know this was bad, but you really need to get over it if you expect to have any kind of relationship with him. Cheating is deal-breaker for many people, and it's a valid one. However, if you choose to be with someone after they mess up, you also choose to accept that and move on. It's completely fine to be upset about it, but I don't feel like you're moving on from it.
Quote:
Stuff like this totally is a sign you need to figure out how to go beyond that one incident and learn to trust him. No one like being in a relationship where they're not trusted or more or less being accused of doing wrong when they are not. Two of my friends were in relationships where they had to call their boyfriends every single time they did anything. One was particularly crazy; we had to call when we boarded the bus to go to the mall. We had to call when we arrived at the mall. She called him pretty much at every single store we went to and had to call similarly upon our return.
I hate being bitchy, but yes, you can change things with your mind as long as you sincerely want to. If you decide that you can't, then you cannot, but if you decide to change how you trust him, you will hopefully trtust him some day.
Quote:
Those last two sentences are rather disturbing. Everyone has different views on porn, which is fine. He should definitely respect that. But back to the last sentences... He isn't your property, and you can't treat him like that. That's really obsessive or immature; you do have to "share" him, like with his family or friends.
Quote:
If you want this relationship to work, perhaps set aside one or two nights a week where you can talk and that he will be around.
He's in school. He has a lot of stuff to do, and his schedule may not be as concrete as one would hope; I know my schedule sometimes goes haywire when a project takes more time than I expected.
Quote:
I'm say for most of this, you are overreacting. I had a friend once (who had a gigantic crush on me and later online stalked me pretty bad) who went to a college about 8 hours away. She expected me to spend every minute of my life online talking to her. It was incredibly unfair of her to expect that out of me. I wanted to be her friend, but I also wanted to establish a life where I was and make new friends. Being somewhere for a while with only friends online is incredibly lonely and unhealthy.
He isn't really choosing things over you, but he is doing the healthy thing and trying to keep a balance.
Quote:
You need to realize that you CAN be without him and that you both need to have lives outside of each other in order to be healthy. I don't think he's taking your relationship less seriously, but I think he needs space. Everyone does.
I'm not sure if this is a long distance relationship issue or an issue that you'll have when he moves in with you.Either way, it isn't good. You cannot monitor his every behavior. If he definitely shows signs of being shady, that's totally valid to accuse him of such. I don't think he's showing signs of doing anything but normal social stuff.
I don't know how you can change yourself exactly, but you need to not obsess and overanalyze things so much; you sound like you're making yourself miserable and consequentially, making him miserable. Being in a committed relationship isn't always fun, but you cannot keep over thinking and making up scenarios in your mind if you wish to have any kind of fun in your relationship.
Since there's so much going on, I'm going to answer this point by point. But before I begin, you are being obsessive. You need to stop, not just for him but for yourself. You will go nuts if you can't stop obsessing over him.
Quote:
| I'm completely lost if its my mind playing tricks on me or no. Is it me asking for too much or i "shouldnt settle for less". Lond story short, I've been with bf for 1 year 4 months. We met online as you know, were friends online, then he said he loved me, but we are so far away. Then, he hooked with a girl there for 3 days. Technically cheated on me, but he knew me online that time and never knew if he would meet me. Then he came to me, told me everything, said he loves me only and we got back together online, more serious, then he came here to me.. And this winter i hopefully will go see him and live with them for a month or so. THe thing is - that "cheating" story fucked up my mind, and im absolutely afraid of losing him. God, i love him SO MUCH. And i always pay attention to little things, how he talks, what he does etc. |
I know this was bad, but you really need to get over it if you expect to have any kind of relationship with him. Cheating is deal-breaker for many people, and it's a valid one. However, if you choose to be with someone after they mess up, you also choose to accept that and move on. It's completely fine to be upset about it, but I don't feel like you're moving on from it.
Quote:
| First off, i gotta admit im really very jealousous, especially after that story with a classmate. I want him to tell me where he goes and what did he do. He doesnt like it, calls me a contro freak and says im crazy. He doesnt hang with girls much, i gotta say. But every time i ask him he says im annoying him with it 5 days ago he came to me and told his classmate (pff, he has 3 friends in a class, and 1 of those just has to have some girl hanging around), so, she asked him to give a ride to one office, show the way and blah blah. He was like "what, i tell you everything". But i cant do anything with myself, i feel i gonna lose him, i feel damn jealousous and tears just bust from my eyes... He called me crazy that day and said that its maybe better to break up if i act this way. Said that i gotta admit the fact he can sometimes answer a girl writing him in msn or talk to them.. and i have to be ok with it. He was so rough about it, idk if he is trying to offend me, or just wants to give me a reality check. He said no man would stand me doing this and that he just loves me too much to leave. He says "shut up and chill"// And i do feel im driving him away with my behaviour, but i cant do anything with my mind... |
Stuff like this totally is a sign you need to figure out how to go beyond that one incident and learn to trust him. No one like being in a relationship where they're not trusted or more or less being accused of doing wrong when they are not. Two of my friends were in relationships where they had to call their boyfriends every single time they did anything. One was particularly crazy; we had to call when we boarded the bus to go to the mall. We had to call when we arrived at the mall. She called him pretty much at every single store we went to and had to call similarly upon our return.
I hate being bitchy, but yes, you can change things with your mind as long as you sincerely want to. If you decide that you can't, then you cannot, but if you decide to change how you trust him, you will hopefully trtust him some day.
Quote:
| Then today, we had some talk about pr0n and stuff, i said i wouldnt like my man staring at naked women's pics. He said "then you gotta be happy you have a bf who doesnt, even if i did, it wont be a big deal". But damn, it would be! He is MINE God damn. Only mine. All mine |
Those last two sentences are rather disturbing. Everyone has different views on porn, which is fine. He should definitely respect that. But back to the last sentences... He isn't your property, and you can't treat him like that. That's really obsessive or immature; you do have to "share" him, like with his family or friends.
Quote:
| Also... we meet at about 8 pm for me in msn every day. And sometimes he comes later... When i asked him wtf, he said that i "shouldnt get used to see him at 8 all the time". I said "ok, so maybe i shouldnt get used to see you at all?" And he was like "no, i just wont come in a exact time, i come when i want to, not because i have to". |
If you want this relationship to work, perhaps set aside one or two nights a week where you can talk and that he will be around.
He's in school. He has a lot of stuff to do, and his schedule may not be as concrete as one would hope; I know my schedule sometimes goes haywire when a project takes more time than I expected.
Quote:
| Im SO into him. I cant fight with him. I cant leave him if im mad. I cant break up with him, he knows it. All i can do is cry and feel stupid. When he doesnt pay attention to me, i feel he doesnt love me no more. When he comes later as he was watching a movie i feel he doesnt love me as he chose it over me. But at the same time, we are together over a year so he needs time for that too.... Im lost if im right or no, if i should and have a right to be that "emo" as he calls it or im overreacting??? |
I'm say for most of this, you are overreacting. I had a friend once (who had a gigantic crush on me and later online stalked me pretty bad) who went to a college about 8 hours away. She expected me to spend every minute of my life online talking to her. It was incredibly unfair of her to expect that out of me. I wanted to be her friend, but I also wanted to establish a life where I was and make new friends. Being somewhere for a while with only friends online is incredibly lonely and unhealthy.
He isn't really choosing things over you, but he is doing the healthy thing and trying to keep a balance.
Quote:
| He seems more rough with me lately. Im scared. Im obsessed with my bf. I cant be without him And everytime he comes late or we fight it kills me inside. Im so scared to lose him, that i wanna make sure every day. Buti know thats not healthy for relationship to have talks like that all the time. I dont know if its him changing his attitude to me or me asking for too much and all men being like that? Now we said bye (he went away too fast it seemed to me), and he thinks im sleeping but i was crying in the corner of a bed like a kid. I really dont know what to do, every day im afraid he will leave me. He takes our relationship way easier than i do it seems. I have no experience in long relationship at all. I was 18 when i met my bf, and before i never dated anyone much. I have no idea how ppl act after they are for some time together |
You need to realize that you CAN be without him and that you both need to have lives outside of each other in order to be healthy. I don't think he's taking your relationship less seriously, but I think he needs space. Everyone does.
I'm not sure if this is a long distance relationship issue or an issue that you'll have when he moves in with you.Either way, it isn't good. You cannot monitor his every behavior. If he definitely shows signs of being shady, that's totally valid to accuse him of such. I don't think he's showing signs of doing anything but normal social stuff.
I don't know how you can change yourself exactly, but you need to not obsess and overanalyze things so much; you sound like you're making yourself miserable and consequentially, making him miserable. Being in a committed relationship isn't always fun, but you cannot keep over thinking and making up scenarios in your mind if you wish to have any kind of fun in your relationship.
laperle
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
Nita,
You gotta find a way to feel more confident about yourself. Jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity.
You don't have to 'play' the confident girl, but BE. You have reasons to be insecure (you're young, live far from him), but you have so many more to be confident! You're smart, pretty, funny, outspoken and he declared to you online without even knowing you in person and travelled half the world to meet you, girl.
Save your money and come here! Spending time together in his enviroment will do you good, so you'll know how his routine is. Plus, if anything goes wrong (and I know it won't), you can come to my place, I have my doors opened for you.
Nita,
You gotta find a way to feel more confident about yourself. Jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity.
You don't have to 'play' the confident girl, but BE. You have reasons to be insecure (you're young, live far from him), but you have so many more to be confident! You're smart, pretty, funny, outspoken and he declared to you online without even knowing you in person and travelled half the world to meet you, girl.
Save your money and come here! Spending time together in his enviroment will do you good, so you'll know how his routine is. Plus, if anything goes wrong (and I know it won't), you can come to my place, I have my doors opened for you.
Heiaken
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
I have to agree with Beauty Mark, you are overreacting and being overly obsessive about your boyfriend. You really need to give him room if you want to make things work! And you also need to discover a life for you outside your relationship, like meeting with friends and going out.
I was in a long distance relationship for over three years so I can understand pretty much all the feelings you are going through. You just have to understand that mutual trust is the only thing that can make long distance relationships work, he needs to trust you and in this case more importantly you need to trust him! It's healthy to be a bit jelous but obsessing about every move he makes just isn't healthy!
I have to agree with Beauty Mark, you are overreacting and being overly obsessive about your boyfriend. You really need to give him room if you want to make things work! And you also need to discover a life for you outside your relationship, like meeting with friends and going out.
I was in a long distance relationship for over three years so I can understand pretty much all the feelings you are going through. You just have to understand that mutual trust is the only thing that can make long distance relationships work, he needs to trust you and in this case more importantly you need to trust him! It's healthy to be a bit jelous but obsessing about every move he makes just isn't healthy!
Cinci
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
Ok.. I have a feeling this is gonna sound harsh, but I've been in a similar situation, as have many of my friends.... Here are my (not-sugarcoated)thoughts on it...
I agree with many of the above posts. Acting so obsessive is only pushing him away. The more you continue this, the more he's gonna not be available at 8pm every day, etc. He's already dropped a pretty big hint to you that your actions are making him unhappy - he flat out told you that you're being controlling and that he thinks you're being crazy. That means he doesn't like how you're treating him. If you keep acting this way, YOU"RE not respecting HIS feelings.
Just becuase he isn't there at the same time everynight, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. Life isn't a perfect schedule. You're supposed to be there to add to his life, not to take away from it. he shouldn't have to drop everything just because it's 8pm.
Just because he talks to other girls, doesn't mean he has any interest in them. Do you wanna hook up with every guy you speak to or have contact with? Men are able to have platonic friendships with women. Not to mention, not every single girl he comes into contact with, is gonna find him attractive.
You can't make someone love you, you can only let them.
Ok.. I have a feeling this is gonna sound harsh, but I've been in a similar situation, as have many of my friends.... Here are my (not-sugarcoated)thoughts on it...
I agree with many of the above posts. Acting so obsessive is only pushing him away. The more you continue this, the more he's gonna not be available at 8pm every day, etc. He's already dropped a pretty big hint to you that your actions are making him unhappy - he flat out told you that you're being controlling and that he thinks you're being crazy. That means he doesn't like how you're treating him. If you keep acting this way, YOU"RE not respecting HIS feelings.
Just becuase he isn't there at the same time everynight, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. Life isn't a perfect schedule. You're supposed to be there to add to his life, not to take away from it. he shouldn't have to drop everything just because it's 8pm.
Just because he talks to other girls, doesn't mean he has any interest in them. Do you wanna hook up with every guy you speak to or have contact with? Men are able to have platonic friendships with women. Not to mention, not every single girl he comes into contact with, is gonna find him attractive.
You can't make someone love you, you can only let them.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
Apologize and don't do it anymore! Figure out ways to occupy your time so you can't worry about what he's doing.
You are going to have to prove that you trust him. By not bombarding him with questions is one way. You can ask him how his day was, but don't demand every detail.
Apologize and don't do it anymore! Figure out ways to occupy your time so you can't worry about what he's doing.
You are going to have to prove that you trust him. By not bombarding him with questions is one way. You can ask him how his day was, but don't demand every detail.
HOneY LuSt
Member
Re: Me asking for too much?
You aren't wrong at all for being mad at him. You love him so of course it hurts a million times worse when someone u love hurts u.And being hurt doesn't bring out the best in u so of course ur gonna get emotional. I'm the same way.
He knows he can trust u and that no matter what he does, ur going to cry for him to stay. My man is like that too. You need to force urself to let him go a little bit and if he comes crying to u, then u'll know he cares to have u there.
You aren't wrong at all for being mad at him. You love him so of course it hurts a million times worse when someone u love hurts u.And being hurt doesn't bring out the best in u so of course ur gonna get emotional. I'm the same way.
He knows he can trust u and that no matter what he does, ur going to cry for him to stay. My man is like that too. You need to force urself to let him go a little bit and if he comes crying to u, then u'll know he cares to have u there.
mona lisa
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
I agree with the ladies who say that you are a bit clingy on this matter. It sounds to me like you are making this man the center of your existence or basically someone you need to have in order to survive. If you do not check this as soon as you can, it will cause you a lot of grief and pain.
What you need to realize as early as you can is that you cannot make any other person your source of happiness or purpose unless you want to be forever not in control of your own happiness and dependent on the source whatever it is (in this case your bf). Happiness and a sense of purpose need to be cultivated from within. You need to take the view that you are a beautiful person of value who does not need persons or things from the outside to make you happy. Instead you want to find the happiness from within and enhance it with persons and things from the outside. And one way to start that process is to cease thinking you need to be with your bf all the time.
Cultivate hobbies and interests apart from him to invest your energy so you are not spending all your time thinking of him or running over in your mind the reasons (whether they are real or not) why he is not "there for you" as much as you may wish him to be. And put yourself in his shoes and ask what you would think if a bf reacted this way towards you (minus the tears) if they wanted to be around you all the time, wanted to know everything you were doing, everyone you were with, etc. You would likely consider him too controlling and trying to run your life and that would detract from how you would feel about him.
As for what other ladies have told you, "BeautyMark" is right about since you chose to remain with him after the cheating incident that you are out of line continuing to fret on the matter and treat this guy as if he is untrustworthy. I am not saying forget about it but if you genuinely forgave him, you need to move on from that point.
I already covered the point earlier but "MACLovin" made some good points on how you need to let him have his own life apart from you and you need to have your own apart from him because the more you run these things over in your head, the weirder you are going to be and you will not be able to keep that all within you when you are around him...indeed you already are not with the obsession about him being at certain places at certain times, etc.
As "cinci" noted already:
Quote:
And "laperle" is right about you needing to stop being insecure and be confident. At this point, give him more space than you would feel comfortable doing. Trust the relationship at this point and trust him. And focus on making you the source of your happiness as I noted earlier that way whatever happens between you and him, it will be less stressful for you when you are together and easier to move on should you and him break up later on.
Remember, you are a beautiful woman "Alibi" and he is lucky to have you in his life. You need to believe this and do so more than internally but manifest it in your actions. Give him space heck, give him a lot of space. And fill that time with hobbies and activities of your own. Make him want to fill that space himself out of desire rather than out of obligation. Or to quote a line from the movie Rising Sun:
"Always leave the cage door open so the bird can return."
I agree with the ladies who say that you are a bit clingy on this matter. It sounds to me like you are making this man the center of your existence or basically someone you need to have in order to survive. If you do not check this as soon as you can, it will cause you a lot of grief and pain.
What you need to realize as early as you can is that you cannot make any other person your source of happiness or purpose unless you want to be forever not in control of your own happiness and dependent on the source whatever it is (in this case your bf). Happiness and a sense of purpose need to be cultivated from within. You need to take the view that you are a beautiful person of value who does not need persons or things from the outside to make you happy. Instead you want to find the happiness from within and enhance it with persons and things from the outside. And one way to start that process is to cease thinking you need to be with your bf all the time.
Cultivate hobbies and interests apart from him to invest your energy so you are not spending all your time thinking of him or running over in your mind the reasons (whether they are real or not) why he is not "there for you" as much as you may wish him to be. And put yourself in his shoes and ask what you would think if a bf reacted this way towards you (minus the tears) if they wanted to be around you all the time, wanted to know everything you were doing, everyone you were with, etc. You would likely consider him too controlling and trying to run your life and that would detract from how you would feel about him.
As for what other ladies have told you, "BeautyMark" is right about since you chose to remain with him after the cheating incident that you are out of line continuing to fret on the matter and treat this guy as if he is untrustworthy. I am not saying forget about it but if you genuinely forgave him, you need to move on from that point.
I already covered the point earlier but "MACLovin" made some good points on how you need to let him have his own life apart from you and you need to have your own apart from him because the more you run these things over in your head, the weirder you are going to be and you will not be able to keep that all within you when you are around him...indeed you already are not with the obsession about him being at certain places at certain times, etc.
As "cinci" noted already:
Quote:
| Just becuase he isn't there at the same time everynight, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. Life isn't a perfect schedule. You're supposed to be there to add to his life, not to take away from it. he shouldn't have to drop everything just because it's 8pm. Just because he talks to other girls, doesn't mean he has any interest in them. Do you wanna hook up with every guy you speak to or have contact with? Men are able to have platonic friendships with women. Not to mention, not every single girl he comes into contact with, is gonna find him attractive. |
And "laperle" is right about you needing to stop being insecure and be confident. At this point, give him more space than you would feel comfortable doing. Trust the relationship at this point and trust him. And focus on making you the source of your happiness as I noted earlier that way whatever happens between you and him, it will be less stressful for you when you are together and easier to move on should you and him break up later on.
Remember, you are a beautiful woman "Alibi" and he is lucky to have you in his life. You need to believe this and do so more than internally but manifest it in your actions. Give him space heck, give him a lot of space. And fill that time with hobbies and activities of your own. Make him want to fill that space himself out of desire rather than out of obligation. Or to quote a line from the movie Rising Sun:
"Always leave the cage door open so the bird can return."
kittykit
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
I know how you feel. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and I know how hard it is. I got to see my ex 1-2 times a year and it was hard.
I’m sure he is into the relationship too – nobody will spend so much money flying to another country to meet the girl he met online, not unless he’s really in love with her!
Everyone needs their own space – even if you see him everyday or you’re staying together. You may ‘own’ him as a boyfriend but you can’t own his life too.
Take all those thoughts out of your mind. If you continue doing that, you’re going to lose him. Nobody likes to be asked about their every move and have the feeling of being controlled by another person. Put yourself in his shoes, will you be happy if he is the one who is asking all these questions and having all the doubts? How would you feel if he's the one who doesn't have faith in the relationship?
Good luck, girl!
I know how you feel. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and I know how hard it is. I got to see my ex 1-2 times a year and it was hard.
I’m sure he is into the relationship too – nobody will spend so much money flying to another country to meet the girl he met online, not unless he’s really in love with her!
Everyone needs their own space – even if you see him everyday or you’re staying together. You may ‘own’ him as a boyfriend but you can’t own his life too.
Take all those thoughts out of your mind. If you continue doing that, you’re going to lose him. Nobody likes to be asked about their every move and have the feeling of being controlled by another person. Put yourself in his shoes, will you be happy if he is the one who is asking all these questions and having all the doubts? How would you feel if he's the one who doesn't have faith in the relationship?
Good luck, girl!
mona lisa
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
Quote:
That is because you are sprung for him. (I do not think you are a "no-lifer" by the way.) But it does sound as if you have enthroned him as the source of your life and what I wrote was intended to address that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alibi
Mona Lisa, thank you so much! Thanks everyone, really, I thankful you take time to read all that i wrote. I try to work on myself really, the thing is, I dont wanna sound like a complete no-lifer to you, I do have hobbies, what scares me, is that it still doesnt help. I study in a business school, which takes damn much time, I study 7 days a week, I have friends, I go out with them, I do lots of stuff by pc etc.. I just cant help thinking about him. |
That is because you are sprung for him. (I do not think you are a "no-lifer" by the way.) But it does sound as if you have enthroned him as the source of your life and what I wrote was intended to address that.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
You can't look at those other girls as the enemy. They may not be interested in him and even if they are, he should be adult enough to tell them he has a girlfriend. I used to get rides from school from another grad student who is married; we never even came close to crossing the line.
You can't look at those other girls as the enemy. They may not be interested in him and even if they are, he should be adult enough to tell them he has a girlfriend. I used to get rides from school from another grad student who is married; we never even came close to crossing the line.
user79
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
I think one of the main problems you are experiencing is that you are focusing your entire life around this one person. I agree you should try to lead a more balanced life so that you're passionate not only about your boyfriend, but also about other things like hobbies, friends, etc. It seems really imbalanced to make your happiness dependent on one person who is very far away from you. That will also make you more happy to be doing other things which satisfy you, to distract you from obsessing about your boyfriend, who you probably miss.
The other thing is that jealousy usually stems from insecurity about yourself, thinking you're not good enough, pretty enough, lovable enough, etc.... Maybe you can speak to someone else that you are close to, not your boyfriend, about that, and see if there's a way that you can gain more confidence about yourself. Surrounding yourself with friends and engaging in activities that you enjoy and are good at is a good way to start.
I honestly think these are some issues that are making an impact on your relationship, it seems like you're not happy about yourself and that's making you cling onto this one person who you think will fix all your other problems, the only person who can make you happy. But this is really dangerous, because in the chance that something were to happen and maybe you did break up, you'd be devastated and it would be extremely difficult to get back on track.
I do think you're being unhealthily obsessive about your boyfriend, and the jealousy and controlling behavior is a huge detriment to your relationship. He has given you clear warning signs that he's unhappy like this, so you need to really change your actions before it's too late.
I think one of the main problems you are experiencing is that you are focusing your entire life around this one person. I agree you should try to lead a more balanced life so that you're passionate not only about your boyfriend, but also about other things like hobbies, friends, etc. It seems really imbalanced to make your happiness dependent on one person who is very far away from you. That will also make you more happy to be doing other things which satisfy you, to distract you from obsessing about your boyfriend, who you probably miss.
The other thing is that jealousy usually stems from insecurity about yourself, thinking you're not good enough, pretty enough, lovable enough, etc.... Maybe you can speak to someone else that you are close to, not your boyfriend, about that, and see if there's a way that you can gain more confidence about yourself. Surrounding yourself with friends and engaging in activities that you enjoy and are good at is a good way to start.
I honestly think these are some issues that are making an impact on your relationship, it seems like you're not happy about yourself and that's making you cling onto this one person who you think will fix all your other problems, the only person who can make you happy. But this is really dangerous, because in the chance that something were to happen and maybe you did break up, you'd be devastated and it would be extremely difficult to get back on track.
I do think you're being unhealthily obsessive about your boyfriend, and the jealousy and controlling behavior is a huge detriment to your relationship. He has given you clear warning signs that he's unhappy like this, so you need to really change your actions before it's too late.
Mizz Coco Lust
Well-known member
Re: Me asking for too much?
I can understand how jealous you are feeling, your boyfriend is sooooo far away. I would be the same way. That is a really hard thing to deal with. But, you are choosing to be in this long distance relationship so your gonna have to deal with all the ups and downs it comes with.
You need to find a healthier way to deal with the bad times or this is going to haunt u for the rest of ur life. You'll think back to when u were younger someday and regret all the pain u put urself through over this man.
And its not just u who needs to change, he needs to be a lil more sensitive to u about ur realtionship.im not saying he needs to let u control him, but he could do lil things like send u a quick email ''hey baby, im watching this great movie.dont worry, ill be an hour late tonight.take the time and do something relaxing for urself.talk to u later....''.u know what i mean? try explaining that to him.
I can understand how jealous you are feeling, your boyfriend is sooooo far away. I would be the same way. That is a really hard thing to deal with. But, you are choosing to be in this long distance relationship so your gonna have to deal with all the ups and downs it comes with.
And its not just u who needs to change, he needs to be a lil more sensitive to u about ur realtionship.im not saying he needs to let u control him, but he could do lil things like send u a quick email ''hey baby, im watching this great movie.dont worry, ill be an hour late tonight.take the time and do something relaxing for urself.talk to u later....''.u know what i mean? try explaining that to him.
