shimmyshimmyya
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lyttleravyn
Well-known member
Honey, there is nothing wrong with knowing what you are attracted to. People say its shallow, but its how our species has evolved. Honestly it sounds like your friend maybe has some issues of her own, so I would disregard her outburst. A few of my friends laughed at me but I broke up with a great guy because I was absolutely disgusted by his hands and feet. However, I know myself. I know what I can and can't live with. When I'm in a relationship I like to be affectionate and I knew that I would never be able to feel truly comfortable with him since I had those feelings about his hands/feet.
Point is, do not lower your standards! There is a guy out there who will be just what you are looking for, and there's no shame in kissing a few frogs before you find your prince.
Point is, do not lower your standards! There is a guy out there who will be just what you are looking for, and there's no shame in kissing a few frogs before you find your prince.
aleksis210
Well-known member
^What she said.
TISH1124
Well-known member
Quote:
This cracked me up so because my SIL broke up with her boyfriend because she said she just literally could not deal with his crusty feet ....
She said she tried buying him products but realized that it just wasn't gonna work long term unless he got his feet amputated...poor dude
I agree..we all know what we are attracted too..and there are a lot of things...that may seem simple to other people that are true deal breakers ... I am attracted to a certain height, body type, etc....I don't settle for anything outside of that...and there are things that are 100% deal breakers for me no matter how great the guy may be....
Originally Posted by lyttleravyn
Honey, there is nothing wrong with knowing what you are attracted to. People say its shallow, but its how our species has evolved. Honestly it sounds like your friend maybe has some issues of her own, so I would disregard her outburst. A few of my friends laughed at me but I broke up with a great guy because I was absolutely disgusted by his hands and feet. However, I know myself. I know what I can and can't live with. When I'm in a relationship I like to be affectionate and I knew that I would never be able to feel truly comfortable with him since I had those feelings about his hands/feet. Point is, do not lower your standards! There is a guy out there who will be just what you are looking for, and there's no shame in kissing a few frogs before you find your prince. |
This cracked me up so because my SIL broke up with her boyfriend because she said she just literally could not deal with his crusty feet ....
I agree..we all know what we are attracted too..and there are a lot of things...that may seem simple to other people that are true deal breakers ... I am attracted to a certain height, body type, etc....I don't settle for anything outside of that...and there are things that are 100% deal breakers for me no matter how great the guy may be....
your firend was a little harsh! there is nothing wrong witih having a type! and if there is no chemistry to begin with then goodness knows what would happen months or maybe years down the line! you're meant to have an initial spark which slowly settles down.... and if you don't get the spark then that sucks!
of course you can be choosey and you won't end up alone. it may take time but you will find somebody that you have great chemistry with
of course you can be choosey and you won't end up alone. it may take time but you will find somebody that you have great chemistry with
ashley8119
Well-known member
It's not fair to you to have to grow to like/love somebody. I agree with what was said about the initial spark being there. I know some nice guys who are great guys, but I am not attracted to them at all. I could never imagine myself being intimate with somebody who I didn't find physically attractive. It's only fair to want to be attracted to the person you're dating/married to. Just like I would never want to be with somebody who didn't find me attractive, it's only normal to want to be attracted to your partner. So don't let anybody make you feel like you're vain or shallow, it's perfectly normal to want to be attracted. You can always be friends with somebody who is nice, but not quite your type. Like, if you chose your friends based on if they were attractive, that would be a different story. But it's a different thing when it's a matter of dating/intimacy. I hope that made sense.
Makeup Emporium
Well-known member
Don't ever settle...you don't want to find yourself months or years into the relationship pissed off at yourself (and your bf) for settling. You know what you want and are looking for and there is nothing wrong with that. I definitely had a type and would not have settled for less!
You just have to be patient and wait for mister right and not settle for mister right now. You can certainly try out the mister right nows but for long-term you want mister right! Good luck; I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone out there!
You just have to be patient and wait for mister right and not settle for mister right now. You can certainly try out the mister right nows but for long-term you want mister right! Good luck; I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone out there!
kaliraksha
Well-known member
I think that you can be as picky as you want as long as you're totally okay with realizing you are weeding out a lot of men and maybe alone from time to time. It doesn't mean you will end up alone, by any means. I like the concept of finding Mr. Right Now and eventually you may realize he is Mr. Right.
Everyone has a different dating style... I have dated guys I didn't find myself sexually attracted to, but I thought he was attractive and had good qualities... and these relationships became about companionship for me. I've also found my best guy friends ridiculously attractive after months of talking to them... eventhough it wasn't such a burning desire from the beginning.
Your friend is just reflecting a little of her own troubles. Don't stress too much about it, you'll find the right guy for you when the time is right.
Everyone has a different dating style... I have dated guys I didn't find myself sexually attracted to, but I thought he was attractive and had good qualities... and these relationships became about companionship for me. I've also found my best guy friends ridiculously attractive after months of talking to them... eventhough it wasn't such a burning desire from the beginning.
Your friend is just reflecting a little of her own troubles. Don't stress too much about it, you'll find the right guy for you when the time is right.
kabuki_KILLER
Well-known member
AHAHAHA. The feet posts crack me up. In general, most guys do not have cute feet. A lot of thinner guys seem to have them disproportionatey large in comparison to their ankles, etc. Usually badly cared for feet can be fixed, though. I'm sure if he loved you enough, he'd make some kind of effort, since it's not that big of a deal. Are you sure this isn't just an excuse to not be with him because you don't like other qualities you see and can't pinpoint?
I'm on the fence about this one. I think a lot of people rely on that initial spark, but there are definitely people that you don't like at first that you grow to love a lot and can't live without. And of course, you can't really stay with someone you're not compatible and comfortable with, which does take time to develop. There is more to love than pure physical chemistry alone from both ends.
It may sound stupid, but I quit smoking several times and finally have commit this time. The guy I like is a heavy smoker. I would much rather marry the guy that I was crazy about and couldn't live without that smoked rather than one that I sort of like and was perfect and didn't smoke. Of course the second choice is more practical, but I wouldn't want to live my life regretting it. It totally boils down to how much you really want to be with him, really. If you love him that much, flaws here and there don't seem to matter as much. Maybe we can die of lung cancer together. >_<
There is nothing wrong with not being heated over a guy you're only lukewarm about. It's best to let things occure naturally. As long as you're not like one of my friends that uses guys that like her to her advantage by leading them on, it's all fine to just be friends. The point I'm trying to make is that don't write off someone just for a few technical flaws in his appearance or character. Keep an open mind. If the chemistry just isn't there for an unspoken reason, no point in forcing it. If it develops, cool, if not, that's fine.
I'm on the fence about this one. I think a lot of people rely on that initial spark, but there are definitely people that you don't like at first that you grow to love a lot and can't live without. And of course, you can't really stay with someone you're not compatible and comfortable with, which does take time to develop. There is more to love than pure physical chemistry alone from both ends.
It may sound stupid, but I quit smoking several times and finally have commit this time. The guy I like is a heavy smoker. I would much rather marry the guy that I was crazy about and couldn't live without that smoked rather than one that I sort of like and was perfect and didn't smoke. Of course the second choice is more practical, but I wouldn't want to live my life regretting it. It totally boils down to how much you really want to be with him, really. If you love him that much, flaws here and there don't seem to matter as much. Maybe we can die of lung cancer together. >_<
There is nothing wrong with not being heated over a guy you're only lukewarm about. It's best to let things occure naturally. As long as you're not like one of my friends that uses guys that like her to her advantage by leading them on, it's all fine to just be friends. The point I'm trying to make is that don't write off someone just for a few technical flaws in his appearance or character. Keep an open mind. If the chemistry just isn't there for an unspoken reason, no point in forcing it. If it develops, cool, if not, that's fine.
CellyCell
Well-known member
I was thinking about this too because me and my now current ex-bf broke up and one of his reasons why was because he didn't see a strong enough connection to continue a LDR... even though we've only been dating for less then 3 months and my argument was that we really didn't have enough time together for feelings to develop.
There is attraction between us and we compliment each other really well but also he says there's something about me that tells him not to settle (he doesn't see me as the potential to marry type or chemistry off the bat) - and I'm a bit lost/hurt... guess I want some form of reassurance in knowing that some relationships took time to build?
Sorry to hijack the thread, I didn't want to start a new one.
There is attraction between us and we compliment each other really well but also he says there's something about me that tells him not to settle (he doesn't see me as the potential to marry type or chemistry off the bat) - and I'm a bit lost/hurt... guess I want some form of reassurance in knowing that some relationships took time to build?
Sorry to hijack the thread, I didn't want to start a new one.
gildedangel
Well-known member
Quote:
Good, solid relationships do take time to build, because you have to build the trust. Usually the connection is there at the beginning, but that connection needs to grow and become stronger. It was better that he got his feelings out then telling you later when you were ready for the engagement step. There are many other fish in the sea, and you will find the one that is right for you!
| Originally Posted by CellyCell
I was thinking about this too because me and my now current ex-bf broke up and one of his reasons why was because he didn't see a strong enough connection to continue a LDR... even though we've only been dating for less then 3 months and my argument was that we really didn't have enough time together for feelings to develop. There is attraction between us and we compliment each other really well but also he says there's something about me that tells him not to settle (he doesn't see me as the potential to marry type or chemistry off the bat) - and I'm a bit lost/hurt... guess I want some form of reassurance in knowing that some relationships took time to build? Sorry to hijack the thread, I didn't want to start a new one. |
Good, solid relationships do take time to build, because you have to build the trust. Usually the connection is there at the beginning, but that connection needs to grow and become stronger. It was better that he got his feelings out then telling you later when you were ready for the engagement step. There are many other fish in the sea, and you will find the one that is right for you!
Almond_Eyed
Well-known member
Dating can be a frustrating process, it takes a lot of patience. It's hard to tell after the first date if they're the right person or not, sometimes you need to give them a chance and get to know them more. Sometimes you just like them a lot as a person but not as something more.
Feelings can be really confusing when you're dating, you might be a little nervous or even scared if you do find the right person because it can be overwhelming. I think it's a matter of feeling them out, does it feel right to you?
Sometimes you might go out with someone who isn't your "type" physically but they can have an amazing personality that you're really attracted to.
No one is going to be perfect, but the right person will have good qualities that overshadow their shortcomings. =)
<3
Feelings can be really confusing when you're dating, you might be a little nervous or even scared if you do find the right person because it can be overwhelming. I think it's a matter of feeling them out, does it feel right to you?
Sometimes you might go out with someone who isn't your "type" physically but they can have an amazing personality that you're really attracted to.
No one is going to be perfect, but the right person will have good qualities that overshadow their shortcomings. =)
<3
