A little Panic Attack...

[Katura]

Just a little venting session...sorry!

I don't know if there is such a thing as a 'little' one, but I swear I had one last night...


I also had a bit of a freak out session last night at dinner. I was sitting with Tj, ordered drinks, ordered food, conversation stopped. One of his old firends, some girl??? dont remember her name, comes up and they start talking, I don't really pay attention..But long story short a few minutes later after she's gone he goes:

'I havent seen her in awhile...blah blah blah...(details in their conversation) I guess she's single...threesome???'

and I just shake my head, quickly losing my appetite. Then. He asks why. And honestly, I dont think I could watch him have sex with some other girl, and then still tell me he loves me afterward, it might just be sex, but still. I wouldnt like it. Obviously, I cant think of any girl I know that would. I explain that too him, feeling my face flush and I can hardly swallow my drink.

Then...we got on the subject of one of his best friends, this girl Monique, who he's made out with when we werent dating, and I've pretty much come to terms with it. But I told him a few weeks ago that I'd rather him not stay over at her apartment (duh!?) and then he wanted to know why last night.My face gets all hott, I can feel the rest of me on fire, I explain quietly that I'm not worried about him hooking up with her, it happened and its over and I trust him, I just feel better when he's home. and tried to leave it at that. He then gives me this totally 'are you f***ing crazy?!' look and asks me why i even brought that up...and all I can reply with as im burning up (when previously I had been freezing) is ' I was just getting at that I'm not worried about her, i guess its just other people.I don't know, sorry, nevermind.' He gives me that stupid look again, and I feel my face getting hotter, my eyes start burning, I feel like I cant breathe or swallow, and I just get up and walk to the bathroom. About to burst into tears. Over what? A couple stupid questions Katura? Pretty much.

I dont know whether its because I'm just super stressed out lately with school, and trying to keep things togeter, or maybe I've got some hidden insecurities (not hidden anymore..) but I lost it. I was in the bathroom stall and AppleBees crying away. I come out red faced, rinsed my face off with cold water (WHICH BTW I NEVER DO, becase I'm totally vain and too worried about my makeup, but I did it then for some reason...haha...im so ridiculous...)

So my face is redder than red, still oculdnt breathe right, some old lady is staring at me asking me what's wrong and asking why my face is red and my neck is all blotchy...I just go, I dont know, I guess I'm just upset. She tells me it'll all be okay, grabs a towel and disappears. I just stand there, like 'okayyy...now what, I look like shit....' So I take my hair down, tyring to cover some of my crazy face and brave the restaurant. I sit down , I cant look at tj, he doesnt know what the heck is wrong with me, he's looking at me like....'whoa, what was that, are you okay?' I tell him I'm not hungry anymore, totally lost my appetite and ask if we can get the check, but he figured something was wrong and already had paid. So we got up and left ASAP.

I was too embarrassed to go into why i freaked out, because honestly, I'm not really sure what happened. A little panic attack...I never want that to happen in public again....yuck.


I'm think it's a combination of being a full time student (5 days a week) A full work schedule (4 days a week) A full itme taxi cab for my little brother, a full time girlfriend for tj, a maid at home for the parents, trying to finish homework and studying (which is practically impossible) Time just doesnt exist for all of that. And then ofcourse my boyfriend bringing up a couple things that I was wasnt prepared to think about on top of all of that.

Life just isnt being fair or fun. I need a break.

 

[iLust]

I feel ya girl. I have small episodes like that a lot, but I've started to hold them in because I am so scared of looking like an idiot in public. I have always been an independent, confident person but in the past couple years (since I've been with my bf) I feel like I've become more and more insecure. I think it could be a mixture of things: (just like you are experiencing) school, work, family problems, homework, bf, etc. and we just allow these things to stress us out. I've been trying to just take an hour here and there to do things for myself like writing in a journal, which I used to think was corny, but I've found it can be pretty therapeutic. Good luck! <3

 

[Katura]

Thanks girl

I might have to try that writing thing...it seemed to calm me down writing all of that down, so I bet it would help loads to get everything out.

<3

 

[Shimmer]

I'm glad you have a place to vent and let out the steam.

 

[IcePrincess2250]

Ummmmm yeah, it could be a lot of things adding up...

and maybe also the fact that your bf is randomly throwing all of this stuff out there! That might not freak me out, it would piss me off, but I can definitely see why you mini-panic-attacked!!

Awwwww honey I'm sorry though, that's sucky of him. I hate when boys think with the wrong head

Just try to take it easy and destress.....go buy some MAC maybe?

 

[Katura]

haha, I would SOO go do that...maybe after I get paid tomorrow...

Thanks for the suggestion and letting me vent

 

[lightnlovly]

To be honest...I think you are allowed and should have lil freak out moments!! We all are...We try to balance work, school, bfs, kids....life in general!! It's hard and by keeping it in (which most of us do) we snap at the lil things and then here we go with old stuff coming out. Not cuz we are still mad per say, but more because it's still there, lingering in the mind. When I get into "flip out mode" as some of my friends call it, I vent and then I write to get it off my chest. It works (for me atleast) and it allows me to let it go. I hope it all works out for ya hun. In fact, it will!!

And,as always, we are here for you to vent.

 

[~LadyLocks~]

Aww hun I'm sorry your having a hard time right now but you have every right to feel the way you do. You can only take so much until you breakdown so weather is was the other night at dinner or someother time, It probably still would of happened either way. Just take it one day at a time and things will get better. Promise

!