a year later

[kimmy]

i think everyone knows my story...ex boyfriend was a liar, a cheater, a slob and a failure. no, i'm not being biased...i'm being honest.

but that all happened almost a year ago now.

and it still hurts. everyday i think about how he took advantage of my unconditional love and all the lies he told me. i think back to the beginning and recognize the lies i didn't see through at the time and it hurts.

i've been on different dates with different guys, and i've gotten really attached to some of them but that pain that still lingers keeps me from letting it happen.

now it's come to a point where i'm afraid to date anyone because i don't want to hurt them. i don't want to let them see how happy they make me, only to tell them i can't go any further and grudgingly using the cliche "it's not you, it's me."

i don't know what to do.
and what's worse, i found out on monday that my dog has cancer.
(i know that was really off topic, but it's tough for me to not think about it and i'm kind of just writing whatever runs through my mind right now...)

i want this pain that he caused to just go away. i want to be normal again. i want to be able to have a real relationship because i can't say that the one i had was real. i want to be able to give the rest of them a chance, but i don't know how.

 

[MACATTAK]

I think that until you are over those "hurt feelings," it would be hard to give anyone a fair chance. To give a relationship a fair shot, you have to go into it being carefree...almost like you haven't been hurt before, or at least not basing your new relationship on it. If you can't do that, then your relationship is not going to work. It's good to learn from our past experiences, but to remember that the new person is not the same person who hurt us, and they deserve a clean slate. It does take time to get over past hurt, and only you know when it's the right time for you.

I'm sorry about your dog, BTW. My animals are family. Take care.

 

[Beauty Mark]

If you can't get yourself to get over the pain your ex caused you, perhaps talking to a therapist would be useful. A year is quite a bit of time, and if you aren't making any progress on your own, outside help could be useful. It's amazing how helpful strangers can be

If you can't move beyond what your ex did, you won't allow yourself to have the kind of relationship you wish to have.