Am I Exaggerating???

[KAIA]

I think my bf's friend and "roomate" is gay and he likes my bf.
OK i've been with my BF for 3 years we have 3 years living together (yeah we moved together too fast) anyway , in the begining everything was perfect... but after 5 months his friend came from Bulgaria to live with us. I agreed, i thought it was going to be ok ... since then it was 3 of us together always! 3 of us to the cinema, 3 of us travelling , 3 of us to the restaurant, 3 of us having days off together!!!... Until i start to notice some weird things about this guy (Martin) and i decided to stop talking to him (so far 6 months) weird things like...:
1* if my bf wants to go out to smoke he ALWAYS wants to go out with him even though Martin doesn't smoke at all.
2* when my bf and i go out (finally only both of us ) he ALWAYS calls my bf more than once and asks him what is he doing ... controlling him!!!
3* the other day my bf and him went to pick me up from my job and then my bf and i were kissing and he left walking all mad (???).. and i have witnesses ...
4* last years valentine's was the worst... my bf and i decided to go to a hotel room with jacuzzi and stuff and that exact same day martin left the faucett open at their job (they used to work together) causing a mess! my bf as a manager had to go to clean his sh*t (that was obviously on porpouse) ruining the whole night!!
5* martin helped me to talk to some guy i thought was cute. and then telling my bf (what a nice friend of his huh?)
6* for all this time he has only slept ONCE with somebody.. isn't it weird? considering that he had some offers from some girls who were not bad looking...
7* i confronted him long time ago asking him if he was gay, all i got was a NO but i like to look at guys if they're ok ....(???)
8* ok this is the creepiest thing ever one day Martin told me " if you guys marry some day we can buy a house together and live there" ewwwww wtf??? he is freaking planning his life with us??? no way
9* everybody at MY job thinks the same as me... they even make jokes about it like.. be careful maybe ur bf is cheating with him....

oh my god i could make a huge list of things that make me think that he has a crush on my boyfriend and is freaking me out, i told my bf about this ,about what i think . he says i'm crazy and that i'm EXAGGERATING i honestly have a bad feeling about this guy today we argue because of reason 2* (up there) my bf says that he won't sop talking to him since he knows him more time than me... i consider split i even mentioned it today , he says he loves me, but he won't stop talking to his friend... what should i do????

 

[lara]

I think it's time to move into a one room flat without Martin.

Is he on the lease? If not, bounce him out of there.

 

[jenii]

I think you and your boyfriend should move into a place together, just the two of you. Tell him that's what you want. Don't ask him to stop being friends with Martin, but ask if you two can just live together. And you know what? Say "there's times that I just want to be with YOU, and I don't want Martin being there with us. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that since YOU'RE my boyfriend, I think I'm entitled to some quality time with you now and then. Martin kind of gets in the way of that a lot of the time."

If he doesn't like that, then let him run off with his boyfriend already.

Seriously, though. It sounds like this guy's got an issue. Either he's into your bf, or he really really doesn't think you're the right girl for him. It can be tricky, you know. You might think he's gay for your bf, but what might actually be happening is that he doesn't feel you're "right" for the guy.

I had a friend whose best friend was dating a girl he didn't feel was "right." He did a lot of the stuff you're mentioning, and it was because he didn't want his best friend with that particular girl.

I know that's not any better than him wanting your bf to himself, but you definitely have to have a talk with Martin, and your bf. Just be frank, and don't sugarcoat it. Ask Martin what he's trying to do, straight up. Then you take it to your bf, let him know AGAIN what you're seeing in Martin's behavior. If he won't take you seriously, or absolutely refuses to EVER side with you based on how much longer he's known the other person, then kick him to the curb. He wouldn't be worth it at that point, anyway.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Some of Martin's initial clinginess is probably because he's new to the country. Some people don't do well with change and want to stick with someone they know. Some of your reasons don't indicate anything, honestly. Like he only slept with one person in all this time? It doesn't mean anything, since he could be the kind of person who doesn't want to sleep with just anyone or isn't physically attracted to those who want to sleep with him.

He may be gay. If he is, confronting him on it isn't the best thing, just because he sounds like he isn't comfortable coming out if he is. Regardless of whether he's gay, straight, bi, or whatever, he shouldn't be disrespectful of your relationship with your boyfriend. You should approach as a respect issue versus him liking your boyfriend.

I have two friends who are best friends. Both female, both straight. The one used to become crazy jealous when the other has a boyfriend. Why? Because the girl with the boyfriend wouldn't be spending quite so much time with the girl without. Girl without would always point out the negative stuff about the girl's boyfriend and try to break them up. She finally got over it, when I told her that it was ridiculous and unfair to the other girl. It happens with guys, too. No one likes feeling left out or replaced, even if that's not what was intended.

 

[kaliraksha]

I agree tons with Beauty Mark-- seriously, talk to the boyfriend about your feelings and options! Maybe stay away from the "gay" word... but let him know that you feel he imposes your relationship too much.

 

[Hawkeye]

I agree with beautymark as well- honestly, i think that whole omg i think he's gay thing is ridiculous. who cares if he's gay? Also who cares who he has slept with or gone on dates with etc?

It very well could be martin doesn't think your the right girl for him or maybe he is in a new country. Just as Jenii & Beauty Mark said.

I also really think you are overreacting. Sure it's annoying as hell to have someone very clingy on board but to go around calling him gay and telling people you think he's gay is very immature. I'm sorry. It just is. Also to go to your boyfriend and say that he is definately going to tell you - you are crazy! Why? Because he's naturally going to stick up for someone he's known longer and is his friend.

What you need to do is first of all stop telling people you think he's gay and stop telling your coworkers. Seriously, I really doubt they care. Also with you doing this your really undermining any chance for this poor guy to get out in the world. Also- Don't ask him if he's gay. If you do he's probably wondering What the hell?

Secondly, you need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend and say- Listen this guy is making me very uncomfortable. I understand he's new to the country or he's your friend but I would like to spend time with you alone without his interferrence. Can we go to a movie or something alone together without your cell phone etc?

Then go have dinner or whatever and discuss more that Martin really is putting a very heavy strain on your relationship and that you love him but you think Martin needs to go.

Then ask your boyfriend if it's appropriate to talk to Martin about maybe giving you guys some space. etc.

 

[Jeannine8]

I think it's time to have a serious talk about it with your bf (maybe don't bring up the 'gay' thing, but the clinginess and how it's seriously annoying you), get your own place with him.

 

[macslut]

It is #5 that is really concerning me. I would not trust him with anything..info or otherwise.

It is time for him to leave. If he has been there for over a year, it is time for him to spread his wings and fly the coop. And this whole thing about "We can buy a house together" is creepy.

it really doesn't matter but I don't think he is gay, maybe bi.

 

[ChynaSkye]

what does your bf say about all this? have you talked to him? You really need to talk to him to get his imput on everything (except the gay thing, if his friend is gay that doesn't mean that it needs to be brought up by you... your issue is his smothering not his sex drive). How it is handled should be discussed, just keep in mind that this is his friend and if it comes out the wrong way then he may blame things on you.

in my opinion the dude sounds lonely and is WAAAAYYY too clingy. And you guys need some alone time.