am i overreacting?

[kimmy]

so a while ago, my mom got really upset because she thinks i like my dad better than her...which is not even the case. for most of my life, i didn't even speak to my dad and just in the past couple of years, alot of things have changed and he's been there for me alot and been really supportive of what i want to do with my life, so i told her that...i'm just trying to make up for lost time, i guess.

everything was kind of fine for a while.

then she started making it a point to tell me regularly that nobody will ever like me for my personality, only for my looks. everytime i'll talk about a boy, she'll be like "if you weren't cute, he wouldn't even be giving you a second thought," or "so-and-so would go with anyone, you're not the first he's asked and you definately won't be the last." i told her she shouldn't say things like that because even though i'm an adult, what she says still affects me alot. so she didn't say it for a couple weeks. now she tells me that kind of stuff daily.

the other night i was crying because my skin looked really bad and my face hurts because of the blemishes...and she like...fed off it, i guess. she didn't even try to tell me it wasn't that bad. nothing reassuring, not even like a "you look good no matter what!" how most moms would do. she told me, "well, maybe you should call the doctor and see if you can get an earlier appointment than the one you have on friday so you can get this fixed." (this was on monday or tuesday.)

i just needed to rant right now, sorry.

i did go to the doctor, and she gave me retin-a and my skin is peeling already and i've only used it twice. i feel really upset, and i think it's mostly because of what my mom tells me about it. maybe i'm just overreacting...?

 

[Beauty Mark]

You aren't overreacting. THe second paragraph sounds like something some jealous girl at school would say to you, not your mother.

I would, when things are good between you and her, tell her how things are affecting you. Make sure she knows that you love her, etc., but that she's being really hurtful. Were your parents' divorce (I take it that they are) ugly? A lot of people have issues with their exes and sometimes involve their kids, which is really in poor taste

 

[NutMeg]

I don't think you're overreacting. When parents say things like that it hurts worse than if just about anyone else did it. I'm going to post again in a bit once I think of something more helpful, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you a hug. Try not to let your mom get you down, hard as that is.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

I would seriously have it out with her and ask her what her damn problem is quite honestly and if that didn't work, I'd cut contact for a while. No one should ever say things like that to you especially your mum.

 

[MACATTAK]

I'm sorry Kimmy! I don't think you're overreacting at all. My mom once told me in my teens when I had bad acne, "Wow, your face looks awful." Yeah, that really hurt & when I told her, she has never said anything again. The fact that your mom keeps saying these things makes me think that maybe she is hurt by relationship you are having with your father. She may be hurt by that fact, and sometimes when people are hurt...they want others to hurt too.

 

[kimmy]

thanks, gals.

i feel alot better knowing i'm not just overreacting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark You aren't overreacting. THe second paragraph sounds like something some jealous girl at school would say to you, not your mother. I would, when things are good between you and her, tell her how things are affecting you. Make sure she knows that you love her, etc., but that she's being really hurtful. Were your parents' divorce (I take it that they are) ugly? A lot of people have issues with their exes and sometimes involve their kids, which is really in poor taste

i was too little to know when they got divorced, but they both say it wasn't bad. my mom says she just told him to go and he did, and he says it was much smoother than his second divorce, which was verrry nasty.

Quote:

Originally Posted by V15U4L_3RR0R I would seriously have it out with her and ask her what her damn problem is quite honestly and if that didn't work, I'd cut contact for a while. No one should ever say things like that to you especially your mum.

i would cut contact for a while, as is always my first defense, but i still live with her and have to for a little while longer.

 

[fashionette]

Aww hun, you're not overreacting. My mother can be like that too sometimes, makes me really self-consious and everything.
And I mean, as a girl, one's mother is someone one really looks up to and If the mother doesn't accept her daughter- who will?

I'm really sorry, I know how shitty it feels to hear that kind of stuff. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[k.a.t]

You're not over-reacting in the slightest. My dad has said things before about how bad my skin is and it really hurts, i can only imagine how bad i'd feel if my mum said it. So i know what it's like. I don't think he's doing it to hurt me though, but it does. Especially when you have low self-esteem already :\
Hope you sort things out with your mum but don't put up with it, you don't deserve that.
Hugs to you

 

[SkylarV217]

Hi honey, This is a very tough situation, It's something I've dealt with since I started dating. My mother was wonderful until about middle school and then she got catty, telling me that I wasn't good enough for certain boys , and how I was fat and How I don't do anything right. And that hurts a lot. I've always wanted a relationship with my mother and It's to the point that I can try to talk to her and she is simply a B!&$% . She'll give me snippy answers or mean ones. She is your mother and it will always hurt for her to treat you like that no matter how long she does.

Try to sit and talk to her, or if you feel batter about it sort your feelings out into a letter. If things don't get better, Realize that your mom is probably unhappy , and unhappy people want to make other people unhappy. It's no excuse but its the only thing I can attribute m y mothers behavior to. Hopefully if you are able to let her know exactly how you feel things will get better.

P.S If you write a letter, try REALLY hard to avoid accusatory words like YOU do this , YOU do that.... or ALWAYS , or NEVER.... Words like that Can easily make a person defensive causing an argument. Your objective is to be productive without causing more problems. I hope I can be a little help. I'll check back in to see How things went. Please Update!

 

[user79]

You def aren't overreacting, your mother is being verbally abusive and trying to cut your down on purpose. She sounds like she is very insecure of herself, and jealous.

I would have a serious talk with your mom that her verbal abuse is hurting you and that you won't tolerate it. If she keeps doing it thereafter, I would cut off contact with her for a while, she will get the point that you won't have anything to do with her while she is spreading her poison.

 

[kaliraksha]

Oh goodness, I agree with everyone else's suggestion. I'm happy you told her how it made you feel and shocked that she keeps going on about it. When I lived at home my mom would say hurtful things all the time... unfortunately, my situation didn't get better until I moved out. Hopefully yours will be easier to turn around than mine was.

You aren't over reacting and no one, not even your mom, has the right to put you down!