Another post about my "friends"

[Beauty Mark]

So, I posted way back when about how my friends weren't being thoughtful about my job loss. Well, I still don't have a job (not surprising, considering I've only had interviews last week and this week.) Two of them plan on coming up to visit with people. One friend is staying with me and isn't an issue.

Three of my friends, who are well aware of my financial situation, sent out an itinerary of what they intend on doing this weekend coming up. It's wicked expensive, like eating out a bunch, spa stuff.

When we discussed plans in vague terms, I told them that I can't afford to eat out or do expensive things when they suggested them. I don't know how much more explicit I can be without cussing them out. We're in a city, so it isn't like there isn't cheap or free stuff to do.

I wrote them back, telling them I cannot participate in any of this because of financial reasons and that because the schedule is so tight, I won't be seeing them (it's like from morning to night scheduled.)

One person wrote me back. I guess I guilted them into buying me dinner, because she claims that's what they were going to do (I doubt that, and I told one of them, after explaining that I don't have the money to go out, that I'm not accepting free meals when I have legitimate means at home not to.) She also claims that several of the clubs they're going to have no cover, so basically I can hang out while they get sloshed.

This isn't even going into the issue that they didn't consult with me about this schedule, which as someone who's hosting one of the people, they should've checked in with me.

What should I do? I feel like I should write them back and call them out even moreso on their inability to listen and insensitivty, but I think it's almost a waste.

In any case, I don't feel like going out with them and I'm reconsidering why I even bother with them

 

[prinzessin784]

I think a great idea would be to host a pot-luck dinner for all of your friends! Since one of them is staying with you anyway it would be a great, inexpensive way for you all to get together have have a fun night. You can all choose what to bring (appetizers, main course, side dishes, dessert, etc.) and then you won't have to spend a fortune on a whole dinner and yet you can still spend time with everyone and not feel guilty about not being able to do everything else with them.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I don't feel guilty about not spending time with them, though. I didn't think the weekend was going to be filled with stuff. I thought it would be a chill weekend.

Evidently, that's not what they want

 

[Raerae]

I dunno how, broke you are, but just because your out of work, is no reason to lock yourself inside your house and not do anything because you can't spend a few dollars. If anything maybe getting out and doing something will get you in a better mood about your situation, this way your feeling good about yourself when you go in for an interview, instead of feeling desperate.

Just look at the itenerary... While yes there are some things that wouldn't be prudent to do, like a massage/facial at a spa or something, it doesn't mean there isn't a lot that you still can do.

Eating out? Sure. Just dont eat an entire meal. You've never been invited out to a late dinner, like RIGHT after you cooked and ate dinner at home? You could always cook up something at home, and then when your at the restaraunt, just buy something off the salad / apatizer menu, and get water instead of alcohol/soda. This way your still out with your friends having a good time, but your not just sitting their. Your also not hungry, because you ate at home. Not to mention, it only cost like 3-4 dollars, which probably isn't going to make or break your budget.

Go out to the clubs with them too. You dont have to be drunk to have a good time. And you could always order water or a soda. One of my friends used to always drink cranberry and sprite when she was with us. Looks JUST like a vodka cran, but didn't have any alcohol. You dont even have to tell them it's non alcoholic. This way you dont have to buy a pricey drink, and dont have to feel pressured to have a drink in front of you. Not to mention you can always flirt with some guys and get them to buy you drinks for you hehe.

Go out, have fun. You can still do it on a budget. Your friends are happy, and your happy.

 

[kaliraksha]

I will agree on a lot of what Raerae said. I think there is no reason you guys should not have reached a compromise. I think as your friends it would have been nice to take all of this into account... especially more expensive things like the spa, etc. I can understand how you feel... but Raerae is right, you should get out there and still try to have fun... I mean it sounds like a special occasion when friends come to visit.. and you should enjoy them, not going out.

In your situation, I would try to make it to as many events as I could... and remember that negativity towards your friends is probably a reflection on how you feel about not having a job right now. Now, in my opinion, a good friend would realize this and try to consult you so that you can have some input and maybe find alternatives.

I would talk to them about that part, let them know you would have appreciated being consulted beforehand since you have a special financial situation. Also let them know what you are willing to do... so that they can acknowledge that a compromise is being made. You should be proactive and find great things to do for free/cheap.


It sounds to me like you are just in a bad mood because of the situation, and I can see 100% why. Which is why as a good friend, I would have tried to foresee this about my friend and let her help us decide what to do... but don't take it out on your visiting friends by not seeing them... you can definitely go out on a budget... when I'm budgeting I get water at a restaurant, order a bigger plate and box half of it for lunch the next day. Or eat beforehand, go to dinner and eat dessert. Or make jello shots and bring them in your purse for the club... this can be really cheap... it may not be the most glamorous thing to do... but it probably beats staying at home by yourself. I think this is a great time for you to be around friends... in the end you achieve what you wanted - you eat, you get drunk, you hang out with good friends, you get to dress up and do your makeup... and have a good time and forget about your problems for just a little bit.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaliraksha When I'm budgeting I get water at a restaurant, order a bigger plate and box half of it for lunch the next day.

Hah so true. I do this all the time. I order stuff like pasta thats easy to re-heat, and eat it for dinner for a few days. You're gonna spend money on food anyways, whether you cook at home or eat out. Can offset the pricey cost of eating out by ordering food that always gives you a good amount of leftovers.

Not to mention, you could probably suggest a few diff restaraunts that you know give those HUGE portions. Since it's your city, you probably know more about the types of restaraunts you could go to. We had this one italian place, "Mario's By The Sea" in Dana Point in So Cal. They plates they gave you were like 12 inches across and I'd have leftover for like 3-4 days after eating there. Meals were like 8-10 dollars too for basic stuff, obviously stuff that had meat, or cheese or whatever cost more. But between 2-2.50 per meal is pretty cheap. This way you can go out, order, pay for your own meal, and still be eating on a budget.

Quote:

Or eat beforehand, go to dinner and eat dessert.

Yup, always fun.

Quote:

Or make jello shots and bring them in your purse for the club... this can be really cheap... it may not be the most glamorous thing to do... but it probably beats staying at home by yourself.

Hah, thats such a good idea.

I know when ever we go out, and it strait to a club, we ALWAYS pre-party. I only buy drinks when I absoluteley have too. Who wants to spent $10.00 for a rum and coke. We typically do a bunch of shots, or just have a little party at whoever's apartment is closest to where we plan on going. And once were feeling good, we cab over to wherever we plan on going. Cabs are pretty cheap when you split them between like 5-6 people.

The other thing thats great to do. Waterbottle filled with Vodka. Having a purse is like the single BEST thing to have when going to a club. Then you can bring in all the alcohol you want. If your worried about club staff, you can always do shots in the bathroom stall.

Quote:

I think this is a great time for you to be around friends... in the end you achieve what you wanted - you eat, you get drunk, you hang out with good friends, you get to dress up and do your makeup... and have a good time and forget about your problems for just a little bit.

Yeh, you need to have some fun. Having fun doesn't have to cost a lot of money, just have to prep for it.

Side Note:

I know we have more than one current (or ex) club rat lurking on the boards. Post your tips for budget partying. When your going out almost every night of the week, buying drinks is SOOOO out of the question

 

[Hawkeye]

I am unsure why you even bother with them. They don't seem like good friends to me. Though I agree to an extent with what raerae said and from your post that it is evident you want to do things but they have to be cheap and also allow for you to go to interviews-the problem lies in the fact why do they not understand that you do not have the financial means and if they do then why do they ignore it?

I don't know they just seem very immature to me and not like they really want to be your friend.

 

[saniyairshad]

COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY AGREE WITH HAWKEYE...u dont need to make excuses to ur friends. They shouldnt be doing this, when ur going through that. Hell so many of my friends have been broke...i would never do that to them.