euphrosyne_rose
Well-known member
When something happens to us in a relationship, do we really get over it, even with the passage of time? Do we hold onto some things more than others? Or hold onto certain people more than others? I have to ask because of something that happened to me about 2 years ago. While I think I've gotten over it, I see the person I was involved with at the time and wonder if I really am over it, especially when I think that if their current girlfriend broke their heart, I wouldn't feel bad for them at all. I would love to know what other people think about this.
About 2 years ago, I started seeing the brother in law of my neighbor and friend. Yeah, probably a bad idea. Rule #137. Never date the brother in law or any relative of your neighbor. Anyway, things were going great. He was cute, sweet, uncomplicated and we got along great. We watched movies together, hung out all the time and he'd either spend the night with me or I'd spend night with him and almost every single weekend we were together.
We weren't seeing anyone else so I considered him my b/f.
About a month after we started seeing each other, we had this really great weekend together, the best we had had so far and that Sunday, he started acting weird. He grew distant and alot of the things I had grown used to stopped. He stopped calling as much. He stopped coming over as much and he grew busy working all the time. I did that stupid girl thing we do where we convince ourselves things will get better and the other person is just stressed or having a bad week or whatever and I kept hoping it was just a rough patch. I was going nuts thinking about it and what I had done or what I hadn't done and my friend kept telling me she didn't know what was going on with him, but she knew he wouldn't be with me if he didn't care. I had several talks with him and told him that if he didn't want me, he needed to tell me so that I could move on but he insisted things were fine and I worried too much. SIX MONTHS of his distance and I was going out of my mind. We were still having sex but it wasn't the same and his performance was plummeting. Again I convinced myself things would get better and that I just needed to be patient. I started feeling like a shrew b/c I complained constantly about his behavior and asked him again a few more times if he really wanted to be with me b/c if he didn't, he should tell me. Still he gave me excuses and evasive answers but never broke it off with me. Finally one day I was waiting for him to come over and he never showed so I lied to myself and thought he just worked late and was tired but then found out the next day that he had been over at his brother's house after work and he didn't even bother to come by and say hi and I WAS RIGHT NEXT DOOR! He gave me the excuse that he was just tired and "didn't think about it". WTF??? I was 28 at the time.
Finally I decided to have the talk of all talks and the day he came over, we were creeping past the 7 months mark. I spilled my guts. I loved him. I was tired of feeling like his buddy. Tired of feeling like I wasn't important. I needed to know what he wanted b/c if he didn't want me, he HAD to tell me. He told me he "wasn't sure" how he felt about me and needed time to think. He said he'd call me in a week. I was devastated. I cried and cried and I knew pretty much that was the end and after all that, he never had the balls to call me. My friend was dumbfounded and had no idea what to tell me. She said her whole family was telling him he was being a coward by not calling me and at least being honest and he kept telling them he was "still thinking" but I knew that was a lie and he didn't have the guts to face me. I didn't see a glimpse of him for the longest time and I knew he was avoiding visiting his brother and sister in law to avoid seeing me. This all happened in January that year. By March, I was finally healing a little and had realized that he never cared about me and that I was never going to get the answers I wanted. I had read about the "He's Just Not That Into You" b/c it had come out around the same time and part of something I read stuck with me, "sometimes you have to get closure by yourself". That couldn't be more true.
Well, a few days after that, she told me he had a girlfriend but that they hadn't been together that long. I tried to be ok with it and even joked that I hoped he treated her better than he treated me. Later that day I was on Myspace and went to my friend's page and saw she had a new friend. The new girlfriend. Naturally I was curious so I went to her page. She was 10 years younger than me and had a pic of herself and my ex together and had written "3 month anniversary" at the bottom. I felt my heart plummet. We had broken up in January and 3 months meant they had started seeing each other in December when we were still together!!!! I immediately told my friend who said that she honestly had no idea and she would've told me if she had known and she was really mad at him even if he was her brother in law. I was devastated that he had cheated on me and didn't even have the stones to break up with me first!!
When my friend questioned him about it, he said, "Well I stopped talking to Erin b/c I was talking to Jessica," and I was floored! WTF??? Thanks for telling me!!
2 years and one boyfriend later (I am now single again, having broken up with the last boyfriend about a year ago, another long story) I am 30 and still think sometimes about what happened and still feel hurt and disgusted by it and I thought I was over it. I've since seen my ex which is sort of unavoidable since his sister in law IS my friend and still lives next door and I've even met HER. She's nice enough and we've spoken a few times but I know she doesn't like me and I know that she knew about me when she started dating him. There's no way she couldn't have not known. I can't help but think that one day, what goes around comes around and the thought doesn't make me feel bad. But then that almost makes me wonder if I'm really as over it as I think I am? Or is it just not being over treated like crap?? The boyfriend I broke up with a year ago and the situation with him hardly ever crosses my mind even though in his way he was just as much of a jerk, but it was ME who broke up with HIM. I guess that could be part of why we hang on to some things more than others. What does everyone else think??
About 2 years ago, I started seeing the brother in law of my neighbor and friend. Yeah, probably a bad idea. Rule #137. Never date the brother in law or any relative of your neighbor. Anyway, things were going great. He was cute, sweet, uncomplicated and we got along great. We watched movies together, hung out all the time and he'd either spend the night with me or I'd spend night with him and almost every single weekend we were together.
We weren't seeing anyone else so I considered him my b/f.
About a month after we started seeing each other, we had this really great weekend together, the best we had had so far and that Sunday, he started acting weird. He grew distant and alot of the things I had grown used to stopped. He stopped calling as much. He stopped coming over as much and he grew busy working all the time. I did that stupid girl thing we do where we convince ourselves things will get better and the other person is just stressed or having a bad week or whatever and I kept hoping it was just a rough patch. I was going nuts thinking about it and what I had done or what I hadn't done and my friend kept telling me she didn't know what was going on with him, but she knew he wouldn't be with me if he didn't care. I had several talks with him and told him that if he didn't want me, he needed to tell me so that I could move on but he insisted things were fine and I worried too much. SIX MONTHS of his distance and I was going out of my mind. We were still having sex but it wasn't the same and his performance was plummeting. Again I convinced myself things would get better and that I just needed to be patient. I started feeling like a shrew b/c I complained constantly about his behavior and asked him again a few more times if he really wanted to be with me b/c if he didn't, he should tell me. Still he gave me excuses and evasive answers but never broke it off with me. Finally one day I was waiting for him to come over and he never showed so I lied to myself and thought he just worked late and was tired but then found out the next day that he had been over at his brother's house after work and he didn't even bother to come by and say hi and I WAS RIGHT NEXT DOOR! He gave me the excuse that he was just tired and "didn't think about it". WTF??? I was 28 at the time.
Finally I decided to have the talk of all talks and the day he came over, we were creeping past the 7 months mark. I spilled my guts. I loved him. I was tired of feeling like his buddy. Tired of feeling like I wasn't important. I needed to know what he wanted b/c if he didn't want me, he HAD to tell me. He told me he "wasn't sure" how he felt about me and needed time to think. He said he'd call me in a week. I was devastated. I cried and cried and I knew pretty much that was the end and after all that, he never had the balls to call me. My friend was dumbfounded and had no idea what to tell me. She said her whole family was telling him he was being a coward by not calling me and at least being honest and he kept telling them he was "still thinking" but I knew that was a lie and he didn't have the guts to face me. I didn't see a glimpse of him for the longest time and I knew he was avoiding visiting his brother and sister in law to avoid seeing me. This all happened in January that year. By March, I was finally healing a little and had realized that he never cared about me and that I was never going to get the answers I wanted. I had read about the "He's Just Not That Into You" b/c it had come out around the same time and part of something I read stuck with me, "sometimes you have to get closure by yourself". That couldn't be more true.
Well, a few days after that, she told me he had a girlfriend but that they hadn't been together that long. I tried to be ok with it and even joked that I hoped he treated her better than he treated me. Later that day I was on Myspace and went to my friend's page and saw she had a new friend. The new girlfriend. Naturally I was curious so I went to her page. She was 10 years younger than me and had a pic of herself and my ex together and had written "3 month anniversary" at the bottom. I felt my heart plummet. We had broken up in January and 3 months meant they had started seeing each other in December when we were still together!!!! I immediately told my friend who said that she honestly had no idea and she would've told me if she had known and she was really mad at him even if he was her brother in law. I was devastated that he had cheated on me and didn't even have the stones to break up with me first!!
When my friend questioned him about it, he said, "Well I stopped talking to Erin b/c I was talking to Jessica," and I was floored! WTF??? Thanks for telling me!!
2 years and one boyfriend later (I am now single again, having broken up with the last boyfriend about a year ago, another long story) I am 30 and still think sometimes about what happened and still feel hurt and disgusted by it and I thought I was over it. I've since seen my ex which is sort of unavoidable since his sister in law IS my friend and still lives next door and I've even met HER. She's nice enough and we've spoken a few times but I know she doesn't like me and I know that she knew about me when she started dating him. There's no way she couldn't have not known. I can't help but think that one day, what goes around comes around and the thought doesn't make me feel bad. But then that almost makes me wonder if I'm really as over it as I think I am? Or is it just not being over treated like crap?? The boyfriend I broke up with a year ago and the situation with him hardly ever crosses my mind even though in his way he was just as much of a jerk, but it was ME who broke up with HIM. I guess that could be part of why we hang on to some things more than others. What does everyone else think??
