Argh!!!!

[thestarsfall]

I don't even know what the problem is entirely. Since the beginning of the summer vacation (end of april I was out of school and back home) and my boyfriend have been having problems. I figure a lot of is it just aggravation due to distance, but still.
1st off it was that he wasn't looking for a job. He applied to one place that I told him about, but didn't get it and so for the next like 3 weeks he was just lazing around the house all day. He needs a job, he has to pay rent. The worst part was that he was going out every night to a bar with his friends and drinking....not getting drunk though...but still...not healthy.
He finally got a job...but he works opposite hours from me...I come home at 5ish if I get a ride or 530-6 if I have to take the bus (I hate taking the bus...but thats a different rant). He starts work at 5ish. So we don't get to talk much...so I ask him to email me. He doesn't. To get him to even think about emailing me I have to block him on msn after leaving semi-harsh messages. He finally emails me.

The problem is that he is selfish. But he isn't really fully aware of it. It is not like he is a narcissist and is all prepping and pruning himself into perfection...he is a musician, that is all. I can accept some selfishness and I accept that I his music is going to take priority in his life most of the time (not in a rude way though...if I am crying or hurt I have priority....etc). However, I expect a little more give in this relationship. I am all give...I wanna take a little.

I dunno...it's just really hard after having a full school year of seeing him every weekend all weekend and then occasionally in the week and now I haven't seen him since mid April....

I feel like I am this horrible person cuz I am asking for more attention and devotion from him....and like society trains us, in a way, that it is bad to ask for attention....so I feel guilty...but at the same time I am not getting what I need. But I don't know how to express that to him...

 

[MarniMac]

Ugh! Men, huh

Yours sounds very similar to my ex...and let me tell you what I learned after 7 years (yup I'm pretty hard headed lol)...they don't change and they aren't worth the effort. Do you really want to be battling with him to love you or to get a job for 7 years? Personally, I couldn't take it anymore. You can do what you want, but my advice is...there is a guy out there, and probably a lot of guys, who can and would love to give you what you want....and some of them have really great jobs, lol.
Good luck honey!!

 

[thestarsfall]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarniMac Ugh! Men, huh Yours sounds very similar to my ex...and let me tell you what I learned after 7 years (yup I'm pretty hard headed lol)...they don't change and they aren't worth the effort. Do you really want to be battling with him to love you or to get a job for 7 years? Personally, I couldn't take it anymore. You can do what you want, but my advice is...there is a guy out there, and probably a lot of guys, who can and would love to give you what you want....and some of them have really great jobs, lol. Good luck honey!!

See the thing is that I know he loves me, I know he wants to do whatever he can for me, he wants to make me happy...but he just doesn't know what to do to do that.

Its like a really difficult but adorable puppy that you wanna train...haha

 

[kaliraksha]

Where there is a will there is a way and this goes both ways in your situation. The most you can do is let him know how you feel and what you want- don’t be a closed book. You can’t heal or change what you don’t acknowledge. Know and trust yourself when setting your limitations. How long are you willing to wait? How much are you willing to help? There is no wrong and right in the end- you do the best you can and take the most as you’re willing to without compromising yourself. My cardinal rule is to take care of yourself first even if that includes asking for what you want. I know how completely frustrating this can become so best of luck.