Birth Mother Rights?

[Shimmer]

New study regarding adoption and birth mothers.

Quote:

The report recommended that birth mothers be given at least a few weeks after childbirth before the adoption decision becomes irrevocable. At present, irrevocable consent for an adoption can be established within four days after birth in roughly half the states. “In many states, you can change your mind about buying a vacuum cleaner or taking out a mortgage within a prescribed time period, but most states do not have a revocation period during which a mother can change her mind about relinquishing her child,” the report said

What about those families, the ones holding that little baby while the birth mother gets her mind together? Who's going to pay them the money they spent on the adoption, and the costs incurred? Who's going to compensate them for the heartbreak of adopting a child only to have the child taken away a month later because the birth mother changed her mind.

I really think birth mothers should have some kind of rights given in the adoption agreement, but the right to change her mind and arbitrarily break the heart of other people because of her whims is not one of them she, IMO, should have.

 

[thatcamgirl]

I know this is going to sound mean, but I don't know how a mother could put her baby up for adoption, but if she does, then I don't think she should have the right to tear that baby away after being taken in by a family more than willing to raise the child.

I am reminded of the movie Losing Isaiah, where he was torn away from his white family all because of the color of his skin, but for 3 years that white family was all he knew, and his whole world ripped to shreds because of the color of their skin.

The decision to reverse an adoption after being finalized will only break more hearts in the end....final should be final, period.

Any animal can give birth, but that doesn't make it a mother.

 

[MarniMac]

Speaking from the viewpoint of the adopted child (I was adopted at birth)...personally I think once the birth mother gives up the child for adoption, 4 days is enough time to make the decision irrevocable. My birth mother and birth father agreed to give me up for adoption...and then afterwards, my birth father changed his mind and I was put into foster care for a week. This upset my parents VERY much...and it upsets me now to think about it. Prior to adopting me, my parents planned on adopting a different baby, but right after she was born, the birth parents changed their mind. Its really hard on adoptive parents when they wait, plan, buy baby things and prepare themselves for a baby, and then it doesn't happen. Imagine if they had weeks to become attatched to the baby, and then the birth parents changed their minds...it would be like having your own child ripped away from you! The adoption process is hard enough on everyone involved, no need to add additional "decision" time...afterall the birth parents have 9 months to make the decision final.

 

[Hawkeye]

I think that the birthmother made her choice. Clear and Simple. If she suddenly wants her child back she should've thought about it. I know that sounds rude but I mean it's not fair for the child who has grown to love the people that have taken it in and cared for the child as their own and it's definately not fair for the people who have invested time, money, love, everything.

I think if the birth mother wanted to come and visit every now and then and spend time thats one thing but to have it reversed? Nope.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think the birth mother had 9 months or so to think about the child and whether or not she wanted it. Give her a few days, maybe, but I don't think birth mothers should receive anything more.

Being adopted as well, I think it's appalling to compare the return period of an item to that of a person. Even if you can get the money back (which will probably not happen), you can never have the emotional investment returned. Not only just the initial meeting but the anticipation, planning, etc.

 

[M]

I do not agree with a few weeks-at all. Adoptive families should be protected emotionally from the devastation of "losing" a child they thought was coming home with them. The birth mother had 9 months to think about keeping the child. I'm sure it's different when the actually see the baby-but there is open adoption where she can still be an active part of the babies life if she wants to be. BTW-I grew up thinking I was adopted, only to find out at 26 that I was really stolen. My birth mother was not given any rights.

 

[IslandGirl77]

I have to agree with everyone else, she has nine months to think about the whole thing. She should really be thinking about it the whole time, because the baby is growing inside of her as a reminder.

 

[redambition]

this is a very tough question.

one one hand it's easy to argue that yes, the birth mother has 9 months to cdecide whether she wants the baby or not. on the other, it might take seeing the baby and then realising what they've lost in adopting the child out to make them change their mind. if they truly want their child back... well, it would be devastating to be in that position.

of course, then there's the adoptive parents. i would certainly not cope well losing the child i thought was mine because there's a "get out clause" that lasts a couple of months.

ergh. it's so messy and both ways have the possibility of tearing apart someone's life

 

[jenii]

Way I see it? She had 9 months to make her decision. It didn't take me a month after my daughter's birth to know that I wanted her. I knew when she was still in the womb. I imagine most mothers know at that point.

I just hate stories where the adoptive family is broken up just because a few years down the line, the birth mother suddenly decides she wants the kid back.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone.