euphrosyne_rose
Well-known member
Hi ladies. It's been a long couple of days. I've posted before about my b/f and how we seem to have had some issues lately. We've been together almost 1 1/2 years now. Long story short, he's had some major financial issues and has to move out of his house b/c the land his house and the house he lives in is owned by someone else and they have decided to develop the land so he has to move out. He's decided to move to NC where his parents are to get his finances back in order and also to be with them. He asked me to go as well and I had a lot of trouble deciding whether to go. We would be living with his parents (separate bedrooms) and I would have to leave my family, friends and the job I love to move. I have no assurances I would be able to pay my bills or find a good job and I've been afraid that b/c the economy is so bad right now that I might not be able to find a job. But, I decided to take the plunge and agreed to go. Off and on I kept thinking about how I didn't really want to move and he tried to find a job here but says he was unable to find one that would pay enough for him to get out of debt. His parents have looked at several houses and put in one or two offers but so far nothing has happened. They have not been able to find one and he will have to move soon. The last he told me was that they had put in an offer for one and it was turned down so I thought they were still looking.
Well, over the weekend I had lunch with my paternal grandmother who has only me and my cousins left out of her family. My father, grandfather, my only uncle and my great grandmother have all died in the past 10 years. Out of my 3 cousins, one is a drug addict, the other is a single mother of 22 trying to go to school and the other isn't even 18 yet. I try to get over and visit as much as I can but I've been so busy that I haven't been over as much as I should. My grandmother has severe arthritis and she's overweight so she doesn't get around well at all. Each time I see her it seems to be worse and worse. She is still holding a job to keep her busy and is still clear headed and feisty, but she told me that she was upset that I was moving and not b/c she doesn't have anyone else, but b/c she's worried I won't be happy. When I picked her up, it took her nearly 15 minutes to make it to the car b/c she had to keep stopping to rest. When she finally got in the car, her breathing was so bad I could hear her wheezing. I felt so terrible that her health has really gone down hill. I think it's only a matter of time before she has to have someone live with her for assistance and whatnot. My youngest cousin ate lunch with us as well and she got teary eyed and said she wished that we could get together more often b/c she's so lonely and misses everyone who has passed away. When I got home that night I TOSSED AND TURNED b/c I knew there was no way at this point I could move and leave her here, almost alone. What if something happened to her or she needed something?? I agonized over it all night and decided I just couldn't move. I love my b/f and I want to be with him, but I can't be happy knowing that my grandmother is getting weaker and in worse health everyday. So, I told him yesterday about our lunch and that I couldn't move. He naturallly didn't take it well and has pretty much made me feel like a sorry, selfish bitch. He told me that I had caused some issues and I just threw things in his face. He said that I've inconvenienced his parents and that he thought he could trust me and now he doesn't know what to think. I've cried and cried and apologized and said over and over again how crappy I know the timing is how horrible I feel and that I want to stay together and somehow work things out or come up with a solution but he keeps focusing on how hurt and upset he is and hasn't even acknowledged how hard this has been for me as well. I've told him that I know it's horrible of me and that I already feel bad enough and he told me to stop acting like he's making me feel bad and that his parents put in an offer on a 1.2 million dollar house and now he has to find a way to tell them I'm not coming!! I didn't even know they were financially capable of getting such an expensive house and that I had no idea they had even started to look for anything else!! He usually tells me when the find something so this house was news to me!! I told him over and over that I didn't want to end things and that I am so sorry about everything and I've asked him to tell me what he wants to do and if he wants to work on us, but he keeps avoiding the issue. I don't know what else to do or say. I know I can't take it back and I can't make it better. I've tried to explain myself over and over and I just don't know what else to do!!!! I can't stop crying and I can't stop thinking about it. The last email he sent me he told me that I needed to stop acting like a martyr and that he's made plenty of sacrifices and I had no reason to call him selfish but I don't remember calling him selfish!!! He also told me he was sorry his life was so hard to handle and such a burden (in a sarcastic way) and I never once said that at all!!! My stomach is in knots and I can't eat or sleep. I stand by my decision and now I feel like I am being made to feel like I'm just a horrible, horrible bitch!
Well, over the weekend I had lunch with my paternal grandmother who has only me and my cousins left out of her family. My father, grandfather, my only uncle and my great grandmother have all died in the past 10 years. Out of my 3 cousins, one is a drug addict, the other is a single mother of 22 trying to go to school and the other isn't even 18 yet. I try to get over and visit as much as I can but I've been so busy that I haven't been over as much as I should. My grandmother has severe arthritis and she's overweight so she doesn't get around well at all. Each time I see her it seems to be worse and worse. She is still holding a job to keep her busy and is still clear headed and feisty, but she told me that she was upset that I was moving and not b/c she doesn't have anyone else, but b/c she's worried I won't be happy. When I picked her up, it took her nearly 15 minutes to make it to the car b/c she had to keep stopping to rest. When she finally got in the car, her breathing was so bad I could hear her wheezing. I felt so terrible that her health has really gone down hill. I think it's only a matter of time before she has to have someone live with her for assistance and whatnot. My youngest cousin ate lunch with us as well and she got teary eyed and said she wished that we could get together more often b/c she's so lonely and misses everyone who has passed away. When I got home that night I TOSSED AND TURNED b/c I knew there was no way at this point I could move and leave her here, almost alone. What if something happened to her or she needed something?? I agonized over it all night and decided I just couldn't move. I love my b/f and I want to be with him, but I can't be happy knowing that my grandmother is getting weaker and in worse health everyday. So, I told him yesterday about our lunch and that I couldn't move. He naturallly didn't take it well and has pretty much made me feel like a sorry, selfish bitch. He told me that I had caused some issues and I just threw things in his face. He said that I've inconvenienced his parents and that he thought he could trust me and now he doesn't know what to think. I've cried and cried and apologized and said over and over again how crappy I know the timing is how horrible I feel and that I want to stay together and somehow work things out or come up with a solution but he keeps focusing on how hurt and upset he is and hasn't even acknowledged how hard this has been for me as well. I've told him that I know it's horrible of me and that I already feel bad enough and he told me to stop acting like he's making me feel bad and that his parents put in an offer on a 1.2 million dollar house and now he has to find a way to tell them I'm not coming!! I didn't even know they were financially capable of getting such an expensive house and that I had no idea they had even started to look for anything else!! He usually tells me when the find something so this house was news to me!! I told him over and over that I didn't want to end things and that I am so sorry about everything and I've asked him to tell me what he wants to do and if he wants to work on us, but he keeps avoiding the issue. I don't know what else to do or say. I know I can't take it back and I can't make it better. I've tried to explain myself over and over and I just don't know what else to do!!!! I can't stop crying and I can't stop thinking about it. The last email he sent me he told me that I needed to stop acting like a martyr and that he's made plenty of sacrifices and I had no reason to call him selfish but I don't remember calling him selfish!!! He also told me he was sorry his life was so hard to handle and such a burden (in a sarcastic way) and I never once said that at all!!! My stomach is in knots and I can't eat or sleep. I stand by my decision and now I feel like I am being made to feel like I'm just a horrible, horrible bitch!
