Depression hurts

[Pascal]

I have been depressed for 5 years now and I truly can say that it hurts the person suffering from it and everyone else. As a depressed person you try everything in the book you can think of to become happy like everyone else. But nothing works. Does anyone else understand where I am coming from ? I'm sure someone must. I have tried changing my OUTER appearance by cutting my hair, dying it different colors and stuff like that. But on the INSIDE I still felt terrible and ugly. Also I would and still do spend all of my money on stuff I don't need and end up with no savings at the end of each month. Then I tried traveling a few years ago and my depressed feeling was still being carried with my everywhere I went. and last but not least I tried therapy and medicine, it was the last resort. All the medicine has done is controlled my depression just a little and the therapy has given me a person to confide in and talk to every 4-6 weeks.

But yet I am still not happy...

what is holding me back what is holding anyone back from being happy? Obviously it is not material that makes me happy, because I can not be bought. Is it love that is missing ? Is it not having any good close friends that's missing ? Is it a career ? I mean I wish I knew. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk, I don't want to shop, and I don't even want to exist. I just wish sometimes for a miracle to happen and lift this cloud from over my head and make me feel normal. But miracles don't happen and that's the reality of it all.

Depression hurts everyone around you. I have lost interest in a lot of things that I once use to enjoy, I thought that maybe I am growing up and that's why I don't like certain things anymore, but that probably is not the case.

The way I see the world is only one way I wish I could open up my heart and my mind but I am so tied up in trying to find my purpose that I am so lost. Sometimes I look at pictures of other girls in magazines and then I take the picture to the hair dresser and tell them " here cut my hair like this girl here, I want to look just like her" So there I go again changing my outer appearance again, and trying to be every other girl on earth except me. Trying to fill everyones shoes but the ones that fit me.

 

[pumpkincat210]

I hope you have a doctor you can truly talk to. Also the spending money part is a symptom of bipolar. You may wish to talk to your doc about that because it is easily misdiagnosed as depression. Hope you feel better.

 

[Pascal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkincat210 I hope you have a doctor you can truly talk to. Also the spending money part is a symptom of bipolar. You may wish to talk to your doc about that because it is easily misdiagnosed as depression. Hope you feel better.

thanks yeah I know about the money spending shit, it's a sign of bipolar. I don't want to sound indenial but I hope I am not bipolar , that scares me so much. I remember a conversation with my doctar about three months ago and I told him that I was having really bad mood swings and he said how about we put you on a MOOD STABILIZER ? I freaked out, I told him no way Jose. I want to stop taking PROZAC anyways. I just want to stop it, It's not really helping me. Nothing is right now, I do want XANAX though, I have taken XANAX before and it helped calm me down when I became overwhelmed and anxious.

 

[Shimmer]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, a counselor would be of huge benefit to you, if you're already seeing one and no good is coming of it, perhaps finding another would behoove you.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pascal thanks yeah I know about the money spending shit, it's a sign of bipolar. I don't want to sound indenial but I hope I am not bipolar , that scares me so much. I remember a conversation with my doctar about three months ago and I told him that I was having really bad mood swings and he said how about we put you on a MOOD STABILIZER ? I freaked out, I told him no way Jose. I want to stop taking PROZAC anyways. I just want to stop it, It's not really helping me. Nothing is right now, I do want XANAX though, I have taken XANAX before and it helped calm me down when I became overwhelmed and anxious.

Depsite the addictive tendencies of many of the mood stabilizers, given your current and past postings regarding this subject, perhaps dismissing the idea out of hand was a bit rash?

 

[Pascal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Depsite the addictive tendencies of many of the mood stabilizers, given your current and past postings regarding this subject, perhaps dismissing the idea out of hand was a bit rash?

I know but the doctor said the side effects might be weight gain so I didn't go for it and he gave me the choice. I like my counseler but is counsiling enough, I feel like something is missing out of the equation you know... keeping a positive attitude all the time isn't easy but I have to try harder...

 

[Shimmer]

when there's a chemical imbalance couseling, as good as it is, isn't quite enough.
Despite weight gain you might consider the mood stabilizer...

 

[Raerae]

Whats making you depressed? There is something you dont like about yourself, or your situation, or something thats causing it. I know at least with me, i know the majority of the reasons why i get depressed, and ive worked towards eliminating them one by one. I'm not perfect and I still have my bad days, but over time i'm removing the causes of unhappiness in my life, and replacing them with positives. It's like anything, it's not an overnight thing, so it's easy to give up (like dieting) when the results dont come quick enough. And we all want the easy way out (poping a pill) to avoid the situation, rather than addressing the actual problem.

Whats different now, compared to 5 years ago when you were not depressed. Something changed that triggered the change in your moods.

 

[pumpkincat210]

not all of them cause weight gain. but if that were still the case I'd probably take gaining a few pounds to feeling shitty all the time. I take Abilify for moods and i've lost about 6 pounds.

 

[love_and_hate]

I know this may not help.. but it does help me. (I have been depressed for six years and on medication for about five of those...) I always tell myself that everything will turn out ok. I even have a magnet on my fridge that says "Everything will turn out ok in the end. If its not ok, its not the end yet" and it gives me faith that shit cant suck forever. I hope you're alrite and if you ever wanna PM me you can

 

[YvetteJeannine]

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong direction for happiness. True happiness comes from here

. It's not in a career, or (definetly) not a love, or not even a friend. Sure, it helps to have those things, but if you're miserable...nothing will help the situation, and you'll just end up driving all those things away in the end, anyway.

Clinical depression is an uphill battle; everyday. It is not a "Gee, I'm feeling blue today/this week" situation; many people don't understand that. They expect you to just "feel better"...It's not going to happen until you really work on that. Even with the correct medications (which help many people a LOT...if/when they find the correct med. for them)..it's still a fight.

I'll tell ya, though..you aren't going to get any better until you start looking into your own heart. Oh, and another thing; you've gotta get outta your house. I'm sorry....I hate to be the one to say it, but having a Mother who acts like yours would make anyone depressed. Sometimes we just can't live with people, and we have to accept that. Your Mother is doing NOTHING for your self-esteem and mental well-being. My advice to you would be to figure out the quickest way out of that house. Many people with impossible family members have found that they just can't be happy without keeping their "loved ones" at a distance. It's unfortunate; but sometimes life is like that.

As other members have said, maybe you'd better seriously start thinking of trying another medication....You can have all the counseling in the world, a support system in place (which, btw you don't have), but if your brain/endocrine system isn't doing it's job, you most likely aren't going to get any better.

Another thing to understand...Happiness is fleeting. Life is full of ups, downs, and in betweens. Most people are not rosey-gleefully happy 24/7; life is more about BALANCE. Getting yourself to a point where you are balanced should be your ultimate goal. But it takes work to get there...It won't happen overnight...It may not happen for a loooong time....but you need to start MAKING it happen...Because nobody will give you happiness but YOURSELF.

You should sit down and make a list of the things you need to do. Getting yourself out of your house is top priority...and you might have to sacrifice for a while...Even if you have to rent a room somewhere for a year..it's better than what you are going thru now w/ your Mother. You will learn that sometimes you DO need to sacrifice your ideal situation/things you want for FUTURE HAPPINESS. It will be worth it in the end. You may not be able to buy all the MAC you want (yes, a horrible thing, I know..LOL)..but at least you can get a good perspective on yourself, find out who you are, and start building some self-esteem/confidence (things you cannot do right now living at home)...without your Mother pushing you down...

I hope you are able to find some inner peace. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. The Specktra girls are wonderful people. It's good you have somewhere to outlet your feelings!

Take care of you.

 

[Beauty Mark]

As someone who struggles with depression herself, I understand where you're coming from. There are days I really want to die. Mostly I have days where I just will settle for mediocricy.

How long have you been on meds? My depression is situational, IMO, so I opted not go on them. I don't need to go into the details, but I have a lot of stresses in my life and very little support from anyone. My therapist, however, told me it can at least a month for them to work properly and that you need to monitor them closely. If they are not working, the amount needs be altered. I'm not a fan of medication, but I know it can be very effective and should seriously be considered if counseling is not helping.

 

[bellaetoile]

there is so much i wish i could say to you, and i'm not entirely sure how.

i guess i'll start off by saying that i've battled with assorted depressions, and physical and emotional problems, for several years now. between a physically abusive relationship, substance abuse problems, an eating disorder, and depression, i know how hard it can be sometimes to bring yourself back up to where you want to be. life does improve, eventually, even though it can be one holy hell of a struggle to get there.

being bi-polar is nowhere near as scary, or severe as people generalize it to be. i have been diagnosed by one psychologist as being borderline bi-polar, because of my tendencies to push things to the extremes, and to go from high to low in an instance. like you, i had big problems spending and saving money. what i was told, however, is that not all treatment plans and medication work for everyone. i hope that you have a doctor who will allow different types of treatment, because there are medications that have different side effects with different people. i was put on lithium for awhile, and was told that i needed to be on it for several months before there would be any chemical change. it didn't affect me as much as i thought it would, because side effects always seem more frightening on paper. mood stabilizers are not always super harsh medications that hook you in for life. sometimes you just need that little push to help you out, and find your way. i initially balked at the idea as well, however, with some logical thinking, i realized that it could, in fact, really help me out, and it did. i was only on them for a few monts, like i said. now, i'm beginning to get my finances in order, i'm not being irresponsible with my partying, and i'm back in school full time. i have not seen a psychiatrist, or taken any form of medication for over a year. things do get better, but sometimes the road there is the hardest part.

 

[Corvs Queen]

Pascal, I feel ya. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me. I wont judge or make snide remarks. Just listen. Sometimes that all anyone really needs.

 

[Pascal]

thanks for all the support peeps, I just sometimes feel as if I need a make over and I'm not talking appearance wise but internally I need a make over and it does take work. Like someone else said it's an uphill battle. Sometimes I feel more down around my period and I have been noticing that in the past year or so.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pascal Sometimes I feel more down around my period and I have been noticing that in the past year or so.

LOL Who doesn't have mood swings out of nowhere during that time