Desperatly need ur help! How to tell my parents about "le boyfriend"

[PBunnieP]

This -thing- has been absolutely killing me for the past few months. Always the happy, positive person, it just drills me that I can not share the best part of my life, my boyfriend, with my parents.

To be brief, we have been together for 2.5yrs now and he has just promoted me to become so much comfortable with myself and so much more positive on life. [Please read details in prev. thread here] Turning 19yrs old this July [he is 20], i feel that it's the time to let it out and tell my parents. But I am soooo afraid. My parents idea of bf is that they drag you down and ruin your future chances and I guess my family being Asian emphasizes on that too. I dont have the -best- communication with my parents [though I have been working on it], I have a younger brother whos 10yrs old and being the eldest and only girl seems like I should be a role model. Also, I dont know how my parents will react to this... their first child dating and all.

I guess my main fear is how they would react. They have always tried to highlight the importance of being "truthfull and respectful" to elders. I do not regret having my bf but yet my biggest regret is having to semi-lie to them and suffocate my happiness. I have not done anything bad or snuck out of the house or anything like that...me and my bf dont see eachother much beyond university.

Please give me some suggestions on HOW to approach them with this? Its really eating me up inside each day I keep this from them. What should I say? How should i say it? When is the best time? I just feel completely confused.

 

[Mizz.Yasmine]

Aww I am sorry! My parents were very strict while I was teenager and I didn't date at all becuz I was scared of what they'd do.

You need to explain that hes ur best friend first, tell them he's made u a better person and ect. , Tell them ur coming to them as an adult and u want to have a serious talk with them, don't let them talk down to u as if ur 12 or it will just all downfall from there. The lying part is going to hurt them either way but explain to them u felt u had to becuz he made u SO happy and u knew they wouldnt approve.

I really think u'll be fine if u just sit down alone with them and just pour ur heart out. U'll feel so much weight lifted off ur shoulders and hopefully they'll get used to the idea of u having a bf. I went thru this with my mother. I was shy to speak about being in love and all that stuff but I knew I had to or she'd never understand.

Good Luck.

 

[pumpkincat210]

I would have a nice dinner with them and tell them you've met a boy whom you really like and now you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Its a plus that he is in college too. At first they may be a little shocked that you hid this for 2.5 years, but hopefully once they meet him they will like him especially if he makes you happy and your grades aren't suffering.
And if they don't like it too bad, he may grow on them, and they'll have to get used to the fact that you are an adult now and can make your own decisions about your life.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

My suggestion is to not make a big theatrical deal of it. IMO You don't need to sit down and have a "serious talk" or take them out to dinner to tell them about your boyfriend.

Now if you're going to visit them or they're coming to visit you, take him with you, but let them know that your boyfriend will be with you, so they know to expect him. Don't feel obligated to spill all the details, let them meet him and get to know him.

Good luck hon.

 

[Beauty Mark]

If he's a respectable guy and hopefully someone your parents will like, I think that'll speak volumes about him. I'd have them meet him (if they're aggressive with questions, it would be nice to warn him about that!) and see where it goes from there

 

[Lalai]

You might first tell them that you have something to tell them and say that since you think being honest is really important you want to tell it to them yourself (might want to leave out the 2.5 years of secret boyfriend bit out

). So if they agree that being honest si a good thing, they shouldn't be saying it's bad that you tell them, right? It might be also a good idea to be prepared to answer stuff like what does he do (does he have a job, is he studying etc), what he wants to do in the future, what do his parents do, where does he live, where did you meet and how long you've known each other and so on. That's what my parents always wanted to know. The job/future goals bit is important and his parents' jobs as well. If you tell your parents that you've been seing for 2.5 years, you can say that you just wanted to make sure that if you're going to present someone to your parents that he really is worth it. I'm sure they'll appreciate the fact that you wouldn't bring over just some guy off the street.

If he's a nice guy (which he probably is since you've been together for 2.5 years!), I'm sure your parents can't think really badly of him. And espescially since he's made you feel so much better about yourself! Good luck

 

[noturavgurl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. My suggestion is to not make a big theatrical deal of it. IMO You don't need to sit down and have a "serious talk" or take them out to dinner to tell them about your boyfriend. Now if you're going to visit them or they're coming to visit you, take him with you, but let them know that your boyfriend will be with you, so they know to expect him. Don't feel obligated to spill all the details, let them meet him and get to know him. Good luck hon.

i totally agree with this. i'm asian too and have super strict parents (who like to front like they aren't), and i went with the whole big deal approach, it totally freaked out my parents. if you do it kinda low-key then they won't take it as such a big deal...hopefully. =) good luck!

 

[kaliraksha]

My boyfriend's parents are Indian and he had to break me to them slowly. He brought me over and introduced me as his good friend... and would talk to them about me once in a while... or mention me in conversation. Eventually when he knew they liked me as a person he told them we were dating. They threw a fit.. it's been 2 years since they found out and they are finally coming around. Don't give up if he's worth it.

 

[pat]

When I met my boyfriend in high school, I was 16 (we've been dating for 4 years now, I'm 20 and in college now)...

I told my Mom first because I knew she was easier to talk to. I just flat out told her, "I have a boyfriend, want to meet him?" This was our 2 week together.. hahah...

My father, on the other hand, was SO strict that I didn't officially tell him about my boyfriend 2 years after. He being an "old fashion Filipino", I guess he thought that I had to finish college in order for me to be ready to have a relationship. He knew that I had a boyfriend, but didn't like the idea because I was "too young"... Anyways, my Mom told my Grandma who talked to my Dad, and like an angel from heaven, my Dad finally accepted my boyfriend and our relationship...

My advice to you would be to talk to anyone you are close to in your family. Tell them your problem and try to bring up the boyfriend topic with one parent, the parent you feel understands you more. From there ask their opinion on how you can address the situation to the other family members.

When you finally have this talk with them, make it CLEAR that you're mature enough to handle a relationship and school...

I really do understand what you are going through, and I know it's really hard to hide your feelings. Telling your parents about the relationship will probably be the hardest part of it all. They may not approve automatically, but at least you've told them, and have nothing to hide anymore...

I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk, just PM me k?

 

[frocher]

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