Do you guys know "The Rules" (book)

[milamonster]

Hi guys,
Has anyone here read The Rules or The Rules 2? I just got All the Rules which is a combo of both books, and I absolutely love it! I really liked alot of what they had to say. Don't get me wrong, I do know that alot of people have not done the rules and resulted in great marriages and relationships. For me this book is kind of like a reminder. Something good to have so that it drills in when maybe I start to talk too much about something or start seeing them too much too soon or talking on the phone too much (either one of us) etc. etc. I actually agree with alot of the rules and saw how I did alot of these things in my last relationship. I even realized this BEFORE i read the book , i guess this book kind of confirmed it. The whole premise of the book is that you are a creature unlike another and you are special and you do have self worth. In that sense it is very inspirational and when you think of that the other rules make sense too.
I liked that they did cover alot of things and different scenarios, for example, they even have a section in there about how to get back with your ex. It's either he wants you back or not. I don't plan to use this as a way to get back with him as he is having his own issues right now (literally he is not too stable and too many issues) and also, I know that if I would've done alot of this stuff we would've stayed together longer...however I don't know if he was "the one"(ie us breaking up was inevitable) or how much longer I would've gotten out of the relaitonship. So I guess things work out that way...One thing I did like about it though was the section on how to turn a friend into a boyfriend. It's either he likes you or he doesn't and that's that. I liked the approach that they had. Has anyone else read this? I would like to hear people's opinions...

 

[ticki]

I once dated a girl who did the "rules" thing on me. That so didn't work out. If a guy wants to date you, he'll make it happen. If you don't return phone calls or e-mails because a "rules" girl doesn't do that until after a specific number of attempts, most guys will go find somebody who is more interested in them as well. It takes the "man pursues woman" thing to somewhat of an extreme. It's not the 40s and 50s any more.

My buddy dated a "rules" girl who gave him the 2 year ultimatum. She broke up with him not understanding that he was ready emotionally for the commitment but not financially and professionally. He had just opened up a new optometry practice and his finances were going into keeping his business afloat. That hurt him pretty badly. A year later she wants him back, but he's moved on already. Guess who lost out on that one?

I'm not saying it's all bad. I think it teaches a lot of good points. Some of the principles are great for women, i.e. the self empowerment, getting out of your routine, etc. Just take a lot of it with a grain of salt.

 

[milamonster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ticki I once dated a girl who did the "rules" thing on me. That so didn't work out. If a guy wants to date you, he'll make it happen. If you don't return phone calls or e-mails because a "rules" girl doesn't do that until after a specific number of attempts, most guys will go find somebody who is more interested in them as well. It takes the "man pursues woman" thing to somewhat of an extreme. It's not the 40s and 50s any more. My buddy dated a "rules" girl who gave him the 2 year ultimatum. She broke up with him not understanding that he was ready emotionally for the commitment but not financially and professionally. He had just opened up a new optometry practice and his finances were going into keeping his business afloat. That hurt him pretty badly. A year later she wants him back, but he's moved on already. Guess who lost out on that one? I'm not saying it's all bad. I think it teaches a lot of good points. Some of the principles are great for women, i.e. the self empowerment, getting out of your routine, etc. Just take a lot of it with a grain of salt.

i completely agree. It is somethign that should be used with common sense. I m using alot of these thigns i already knew or trying out some new things for the future but as you siad not returning calls spells disinterested. I definitely do think in a way that the approach they were taking were for people who keep blwoing up people' sphones and etc etc. BUt if you use common sense just to reduce that then itll be ok.( thank you fro sharingur personal experiences that as well) I've never been close to even being married lol so i dont know what to even think of that. But that truly sucks to dump a guy who you like who really likes you back. And not because he's using bs excuses either and when hes really being genuine. I do know people who have used that as an excuse but it seems your firned was very truthful and not bsin her, and i guess that's where the common sense comes in. Actually when reading the book i was surprised that they said within 1 year you will get engaged. I always wanted to date someone longer than a year though before I got married for sure so I know I will not be using that rule 1-2 year rule, but i spose its all up to what everyone's personal preference is. I think that rule may have scared people into thinking that the guy will be one of those who keeps saying we'll get married, we'll get married until 15 years pass by. But as you said, take it all with a grain of salt. Thank you so much for your response!!

 

[Lissah]

On one hand I think the book is sort of silly in that it seems to encourage playing games instead of being yourself. The other part of me says it encourages women to demand respect for themselves and not be walked all over especially when setting the tone for a new relationship. I guess you can say I completely agree with some of the rules and disagree with others. I do think it's a worthwhile read because it did get me thinking about things.

 

[milamonster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lissah On one hand I think the book is sort of silly in that it seems to encourage playing games instead of being yourself. The other part of me says it encourages women to demand respect for themselves and not be walked all over especially when setting the tone for a new relationship. I guess you can say I completely agree with some of the rules and disagree with others. I do think it's a worthwhile read because it did get me thinking about things.

i agree completely. it definitely helps when you keep an open eye when reading and doing this. What you agree with and what you don't. You can't just follow it completely and not think because...well that doesnt make sense. WHen i read it i dound alot of stuff to be disgustingly true for me, those things they described. It just helped me to realize to get a hold and stuff and have more control. Yeh, when i first read it too, i thought, it doesn't seem like they want you to be you...it's hard ot get to be "you" in a 10 minute phone convo, and going at the rate of seeing the guy once a week, i mean, that would need to be a long date to start to really feel like you're getting to know him and he's getting to know you...But overall i took alot of it as bieng more in control and not assuming or pushing thigns, which are things that can be done so easily wihtout you even noticing, you know?
i acutally decided to read a few more dating books to see different approaches. And overall ive found that when i date or when im NOT dating, it gives me some hope that i will find a guy and when im doing something that i know damn well i dont need to be doing (and it sure dont take a book to tell m e LOL) it gives me a qucik remminder...but every situation is case by case and each man is different...

thank you for your input!!!