Don't know how to react!

[user2]

Hey!

So our great psychology weeks are going on here and I jump on the train!

Two weeks ago one of my closest friends told me that she is pregnant and I was and still am speechless!! She is 3 months younger than me and in her last year in high school! She misses some weeks in high school just because she doesnt want to go there or she meets with her ex-ex boyfriend! And I personally think that she won't get a graduation with that attitude!
The baby is from a 3 months-relationship she had with a guy that apparently turned out to be a little psycho! (Accuses her of being a bitch, sleeping around with half of the city and in the next moment he cries on the phone and tells her that he misses her!) He lives 300 miles away from where she lives!
So now she asked me for advice, what I would do in her situation! So I told her that I, in her situation, wouldn't get the baby because she's not in a healthy, loving relationship, has no job/trainee/graduation and I don't think she's ready for the baby because she's still the party girl and enjoys her freedom!

From time to time she asks me about my opinion about the baby-situation and what to do! I don't have a clue because I've never been in a situation like that!

I don't want to be a bad friend and tell her the wrong things!

What would you do?

 

[user4]

ok, so i am have always been really big on education. and, lets face it, most people won't be able to get a good job to support themselves without at least a high school deploma, not to talk about taking care of a child on top of that. so i am assuming she is no longer with this guy and i am also assuming that she still lives at home with her parent (correct me if i am wrong). do her parents and the guy know about this pregnancy? does she want to go through with it? and if so, does she want to do it for the right reasons? if you say that she is still this party girl type then i am sure she is not willing to accomodate a baby in which case i would completly suggest either an abortion or if she doesnt believe in that adoption. if she seems like she may change when she has this baby and be able to take care of the child and be responsible enough to know that this child is not a doll that you can throw to the side when you are bored then, it can be done. i have friends who have had children, one our senior year in hs and the other our freshman year in college, and they both got their college degrees and are still with the baby's fathers, and i have never seen two happier children, but it was rough and they did not get to enjoy their youth. she has to be ready to lose that.

 

[user2]

Hmm let's say she kinda lives with her parents! She moved to my appartment complex some months ago and her parents followed her to another appartement in the same house! So she stays with them a lot and goes to her appt for sleep and some exexboyfriend time

Yes her parents and ex know about it!
Plus she keeps telling me that her mother got her when she was in her age so it won't be that much of a drama! I mean she always liked kids but she could pass them on after two hours!
She always keeps telling me that babies are so cute but I told her that they can be a pain in the ass for the first year when they don't sleep through for a whole night!
Well she's not the typical 24/7 party girl but she likes to have her freedom (that's why she moved out), to meet her friends and have a good time!

This really drives me crazy since she told me I couldn't talk about it (I think here it's OK since nobody knows her!) so she nearly slaps it into my face and I have to deal with it!!!

 

[user3]

First I think when she ask what you think you should turn and tell her you want her to be happy!!!!!
I was carrying my son my last year of HS. I had already done one year of Independent Study so it was much of a change for me. However, I had a friend that totally dropped me because she thought I shouldn't have a baby. Another friend told me I was crazy and thought I shouldn't have my baby but she stood beside me.
Well, I am happy to say I had my son and finished HS all in the same year. I even walked down the isle with my regular class.
Now, on the flip side I had a friend get pregnant about a year after finishing HS. When she asked what I thought I opened my fat mouth and told her it was not a good idea because she was in a bad situation. Let's just say we are not friends anymore. She didn't care for my opinion even if she did ask.

I have a cousin who is due in a few months and she was a total party gal and heavy into drugs. She was clean about 3 months prior to finding out about the baby and now she is totally settled down.

Just be there to support her and remind her that her education is important for the future of her child (if she keeps the baby) and either way it is important for her!

Be there for your friend no what because friends should not judge but support. I had to learn this the hard way.

Good luck and Best of luck to your friend!

 

[Shawna]

I think the best thing you can do is tell her that no matter what her decision is, you will stand by her and help her out. I have known lots of girls that got pregnant early in life and went on to be the best moms. I wouldn't recommend it, but for some people, it really works. Knowing she has a good friend that will stand by her will make all the difference.

 

[xbabygirl]

just be there for her and support her. be the friend you can be because i'm pretty sure she needs you the most during this time. who knows, maybe you`ll end up being called auntie by the baby ^^!

 

[joytheobscure]

No matter what focus on the education. I got pregnant at 18 but finished my education and we are in so much better situation because of it. But I've met people who have gotten pregnant had children but did not become responsible afterwards *still party or lack and education and the kids really aren't supported very well and thats sad for the whole family. Plus you do lose out on a lot when you have kids young... I really missed out on having a "life" as a young adult- Its always been about the kids... I think having a few years to be "wild" might have been fun- but I guess I'm ok.