Feeling a little bombarded...

[euphrosyne_rose]

I'm not sure what the best course of action is for this situation as I have never really been in quite this type of situation before but any suggestions would be nice. It's nothing awful or stressful but just need some feedback from anyone who has experienced anything similar.

Like alot of people, I am on Facebook and over the past few months almost every single one of my elementary school classmates are "friends" on my page. Now, I'm 31 so alot of these people I haven't seen since we graduated 8th grade together. We were a small, private Catholic school so basically I grew up with these people and we were all in the same class together, without fail, from 1st to 8th grade. Being so long together at the same school and there only being just our one class, I of course remember all these people and all their names, etc and have been pleasantly surprised that they all remember me as well.

Anyway, there's one classmate who is a guy who just recently became friends with me on FB. Before FB I hadn't seen him, talked to him or even heard anything about him since we graduated 8th grade. I knew what high school he went to but that was it and over the years anyone else I did see or talk to never made any mention of him or a few other people. Well, the past week or so, he's made comments on some of my posts and been super friendly and yesterday afternoon I had a PM on FB from him saying that it was nice to catch up and gave me his number and said we should text or call each other sometime to catch up even more. Not really thinking anything of it, I replied back with my # and thought that it would be nice to catch up and talk about stuff from back in the day. Well, he's texted me CONSTANTLY since then and I have a feeling he's interested in more than just "catching up". We told each other a little about our lives and what we did after 8th grade and then in one text, he said something like "well, enough with the past...do you want to try and grab dinner sometime soon and chat some more or do you want to just keep the convo friendly here?" and I was a little thrown off. I don't mind meeting up and catching up more but b/c he gives me the impression of wanting more than that, I'm a little iffy about it b/c I don't have any interest in him that way. He asked if I was busy on Tuesday and I did tell him I was busy the next few weeks (which I am b/c of my best friend coming to town to take care of some of her wedding stuff and being MOH I have to help her) and told him maybe if he was willing to take a rain check, we'd work something out when I was free. I also told him that right now I'm happy being single and am happy "flying solo" and he said "oh, yeah, me too. I just thought it'd be nice to get reacquainted and have someone to hang with and go to movies and stuff" and I think he was just telling me that. Now I feel a little weird about it b/c I don't want to give this guy the wrong idea. Like I said, I would like to catch up and be friends but no more than that and now I'm not sure if I should even attempt meeing up with him, old classmate or not. He also told me he was "talking to" someone but it "wasn't serious" and I have to wonder if the girl he's talking to knows "it isn't serious". Know what I mean?

What would you ladies do in this situation? I'm always up for making new friends but at the same time I don't want this guy to get the wrong idea and I also don't want him to start bothering me either. I'll feel bad if I don't at least try to meet up at least once but again, I don't want that to start him up thinking he can make the moves on me. I hate to be this way but I'm not attracted to him at all and I really do get the impression that he's interested in more than just being friends. What do do???

 

[MACATTAK]

I definitely would not meet up with this guy. It sounds like he is interested, and meeting up with him might give him the wrong idea (even if it seems innocent to you). I stupidly gave my number to an ex recently in the name of "catching up" (he found me on FB as well). Turns out "catching up" meant something else to him. In the end, I had to change my number. Lesson learned.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

^^Thanks. That's pretty much what I suspected. It's nice he wants to catch up but it was just so odd to me that this person who I haven't seen in person or spoken to in person since I was like 13 all of a sudden seemed so gung-ho on getting together. Maybe it's just me, but I felt like maybe he was wanting to hook up or score and when he mentioned this other girl, I sort of felt like he was totally brushing off his relationship with her. Even if it's not serious to him, it might be serious to HER and relationship drama is SO not on the menu for me. I could totally be reading this all wrong and he really was just trying to be friendly and get to know each other again but he seemed a little on the pushy side for it to be just that. I'm flattered by the interest but I'm not going to go out with someone I'm not attracted to just for the hell of it!

 

[MACATTAK]

^^ Very true, and if he just wants to catch up, you can do that on FB. You don't need to meet in person, especially if you have no interest in him. I don't know about you, but when anyone gets too pushy, clingy, or invades my personal space, I RUN!!!

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK ^^ Very true, and if he just wants to catch up, you can do that on FB. You don't need to meet in person, especially if you have no interest in him. I don't know about you, but when anyone gets too pushy, clingy, or invades my personal space, I RUN!!!

LOL. ME TOO! I guess I should be proud of myself that I felt that "vibe" and went ahead and spoke up. I did eventually get a text last night but I told him I was busy doing something and tired too so I'd have to chat later and he texted back that he'd call me today. I didn't say anything other than "have a good night" and that was all. I'm not answering if he calls. I'm not about to be pushed!

 

[LC]

Just taper off your contact with him

 

[kaliraksha]

I would just weigh the value of having him as a friend vs the headache of having him as a quasi stalker. Hehe. I think you could go as far as to meet up with him and make that obvious friend lunch date. But, if he still makes you uncomfortable after you've made it clear then I would I just keep him as a FB friend by tapering off contact like baci mentioned.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

I think he's gotten the message that I'm not interested that way. He hasn't texted or posted on my FB the last couple of days. The other thing that made me decide I didn't need or want that drama was looking closer at his FB page with his profile and seeing that it says that he's "in a relationship with X and it's complicated". WTF? I don't need to be in the middle of that one which brings me back to wondering if he's trying to play this poor girl or if she even has any idea what he's up to. No thanks.

 

[kaliraksha]

Oh wow, you really don't want to be "that" girl and it sucks when you're put in that place without your knowledge. It does sound like it's better to stay away from that situation.

 

[snowflakelashes]

At least you figured it out pretty quickly

Before you'd gotten together with him. I think that HIS kind of behaviour is why a lot of people probably ending up thinking I am closed off. I just have no desire to come off all stalker!

I hope you are well

PS Glad to hear of 'Happy and Single' that's... so nice to hear i'm not the only one! LOL

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

Well, I thought I had nipped it in the bud but since my last post, homeboy has texted me or commented on FB like 3x. I have never been ugly or rude but neither have I been encouraging either. Sunday I got home to find that our a/c was out in the house and my dad had left a note about it and I posted on FB about it just as a general "oh crap, the a/c is out" and he texted me literally like 15 minutes later asking if we were ok and did I need him to come look at it since he works on a/c's for a living. WTF?? I didn't even reply. Other than saying, "Look dude, I thought I made it clear I'm NOT interested!" I don't know what else to say! I hate to be the type that just ignores someone b/c I hate when someone does that to me but I've already been pretty specific that I wasn't looking to date him! I almost want to pipe up on FB and say something about having a blind date and having a great time just so he'll see it and maybe leave me the hell alone!

 

[snowflakelashes]

Ignore him, Completely, don't respond, obviously he's not taking a hint.
If you don't want to delete him completely from facebook then maybe try adjusting your privacy settings so that you can just have him on limited profile ?

:-|

 

[kaliraksha]

Ignoring would probably get you the best and quickest results. But, if you can't stand it then reply at you own leisure with short uninterested responses. Such as "No, thanks. I can take care of it." Nothing too friendly, just a real response to someone that reflects that you don't see him in that way and aren't inviting any more "friendship."

 

[xFlossy]

Men are such shallow creatures and you can see straight through their motives. Have you thought about perhaps blocking him? Actually, that might make things worse. Actually, just make short simple answers and hope to christ he gets the hint lol. Otherwise, you might want to think about changing your phone number and blocking him.

 

[LMD84]

hhmmm to eb honest i think i would delete him from fb and block him. if he texts or calls then just ignore them and he'll get fed up. if he's commenting on your posts so quickly offering to help it's just a little weird and too much. i'm sure he'll eventually get the message!