feeling apprehensive about moving out with BF

[tricky]

My BF & I have been together for 7 yrs (2 yrs long distance, & living together with his mom for 5 years). I've been wanting to move out of her place and get our own place for a few years now. So this weekend we looked at apartments and filled out applications. we got approved to live at one place and are waiting to hear back from another place. So today we will posibly be signing a lease.

I am freaking out... I'm a bit apprehensive, I keep thinking that something bad will happen and it won't work out and that we'll break up and one of us will be stuck with this lease.

My BF & I have had some pretty bad fights over the years but we always are ok after. We had a big fight last weekend, but we went to my therapist together a few days after and I felt better after that. We usually fight about how he spends so much time with his friends. He said he's afraid he can't meet my needs. It makes me sad to hear that.

Why am I freaking out now? Is it because of the fight? Is it because I am nervous & it's just a big change? Why do I keep thinking something bad will happen? Why do I worry so much now when we've had fights before but we always work it out?

I just want it to be ok. I want to stop worrying and just have trust that it will work out and I'm not making a big mistake.

 

[Bybs]

Communication is an important part of any relationship. I would suggest that you talk about how your feeling with your partner.

 

[Beauty Mark]

ITA. Talk your BF and possibly your therapist. What you're going through might be anxiety about the move, might be something bigger.

Getting stuck with the lease sucks, but it isn't the end of the world and can be solved fairly easily. People are always looking to sublet, some landlords are very kind about breaking the lease.

Take care

 

[Raerae]

Get a place with a month to month lease. That way your not locked into renting an aprtment for a year. This way if things do, not work out, you can get out of the situation.

The other thing I would do, is clear it with your Mom, that it would be alright to move home if things don't work out. This way you don't feel obligated to stay in a bad situation, because you don't have a place to go, or don't feel confident on being able to cover rent alone.

 

[kaliraksha]

In my opinion it's nerves mostly but it still needs to be addressed before you take the leap. Living completely alone will bring on more problems but also getting out of the "mom in laws" haven will help with a lot of them too, I bet.

You will always have the fear of whoever you live with before marriage- what if it doesn't work out? That's a normal fear and it should be addressed before you move in together. Set up a plan in writing of what will happen if worst comes to worst. What happens if you break up? Is subleasing an option? Will you both agree to pay your shares until it's subleased? Will you move to a 2 bedroom? Explore your options and agree on something in writing you can both refer to if things get ugly.

Cheer up, if you decide to go through with it there are a billion wonderful things about the first few weeks of moving in and living together.

 

[tricky]

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[abrody]

sorry i am so confused! didn't you just post another thread asking for advice on whether or not you should break up with your bf?

is this the same guy?

 

[tricky]

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