Friends rant

[YvetteJeannine]

I understand that your roommate may be feeling like she's stuck in the middle of something, but IMO, she is being rotten.

Staying impartial, and not talking to you about this other 'friend' is one thing; ignoring you and treating you shabbily, well, that's quite another...and from what you describe, it seems to me that's what she is doing.

Right now, I would forget the possibility of salvaging this 'friendship' with the other friend...it seems you've done enough, and she hasn't done anything...Plus, even if you did patch things up, it sounds like this girl has a chip on her shoulder, and would probably put you through the same thing (or worse) later on down the road.

Your roommate, however, is a bit more complicated..You have to reside with this person, and it's no fun to live with somebody who is treating you badly. My guess is perhaps this other girl has been telling your roomie things.....This situation all started when this other girl began avoiding you; so, it stands to reason that this girl is saying things to your roommate that are making her upset...Who knows? she could be telling her you said things about her...she could be saying anything.

All I can say for certain is that you don't deserve this treatment from either girl....BUT, like I said, you have to live with your roommate...So, you want to be amicable with her. Maybe give it a day or two, and see what else transpires...If she still chooses not to speak with you, or treats you badly I would say something to her....Don't let yourself be walked all over...There is a HUGE difference between being impartial, and what your roommate is doing.

Just let her know that you won't blame her, or be upset with her if she wants to remain friends with this other girl. Tell her you don't expect her to stop hanging out with this girl, OR act as a go-between for you, or tell you why this girl isn't speaking to you.....That's all you can do. If she STILL treats you badly, then it's time to let her know you won't take it...and maybe start looking for another living situation (it's such a drag on your life and happiness to live with someone that's being hostile to you).

As for this other girl....Don't bother. If she doesn't value you or the friendship enough to take the time to sit and talk with you, then she's not worth YOUR time! One thought I had; maybe she's jealous of you....this behavior sounds a LOT like jealousy...Just a thought.

Anyway, I just thought I would tell you (since you're probably feeling a little 'low'), that as much as I know of you from here, you are a very beautiful girl...You are talented, and smart, and nice....and I really mean that....I hope you feel better soon! (((HUG)))

 

[nunu]

aww thank you girls soo much you are soo sweet!! and YvetteJeanine you are soo sweet thanks for the compliments at the end

you really made me smile as i am feeling low and reading your post just made me feel that i should stop blaming myself and that i should stop worrying that I pissed her off i should think about myself as well.
Thank you all!
kisses

 

[luvsic]

Hey nunu,

I kind of know what you are saying because I've been in this situation or situations like this. I just want to say that I can relate because I have had my fair share of ruined friendships in the past. I know I have a tendency to be clingy sometimes so that's also why some my friendships have kind of deteriorated...

it's bad and I wish I could stop.

Well reading over what you wrote again, it is unfortunate that she's acting like this but you haven't really done anything wrong. And yeah, I think she is not worth your time if SHE'S not even taking the time to talk to you or try to find out whats up. You shouldn't have to chase after her for this, you have already done your part! If it still bothers you a lot I would sit her down and talk to her one last time (if you can get a hold of her) if not then I would just say stop trying, she is not that good of a friend anyway if she has been blowing you off or ignoring you. Anyway I hope you feel better

 

[jenii]

I think I've been on all sides of this situation before, but the one I remember most is the position your roommate is in.

Whatever you do, don't ask her to choose between the two of you. That kind of ultimatum almost never gets the result you hope it will.

 

[nunu]

thanks girls

No i wouldn't ask my room mate to chose between us, i would never do that. But because we all used to hang out together this would mean that i would be left out A LOT now i can't go out with them and i can't hang out with them which kind of sucks because this means that i can't spend time with anyone.
I feel so much better about the situation as a whole, my roomie wouldn't tell me what is going on but i didn't ask her to in the first place. I did and still feel like i need to know what happened because i'm not a yo-yo, she can't talk to me whenever she feels like! Anyways I'm not letting it bother me as much as it used to, but because these people are the only friends i made while i am at school i didn't want anything to go wrong because i don't know anyone else here and i don't want tobe alone! Lame lol i guess i have to suck it up and get over it

Thank you everyone for being supportive i really appreciate it

 

[Willa]

I think everybody once in their life will live a situation like this, but it's different from a person to another.

I think you seem to take it well!
Keep it going
And we're here for you, even if it's virtual

 

[nunu]

Thanks willa, you should've seen me last night i wasn't handling it well LOL. I just know that if any of my friends were in my position i would tell them to let the the girl F off. I would be soo angry if i found out that one of my friends is being treated this way and will seriously just tell my friend to forget about her, she dosn't need someone like that in her life. But that's what i would say but it's hard to act on it. I keep reminding myself that this girl isn't bothered with me why should i bother. I just need to focus on my studying because i have a lot to do and i don't have time for high school drama.
I seriously feel that she picked this fight with me because she's bored I am really starting to think that.
This same thing happened to me in high school but i have grown soo much since high school that i don't need or want to go back there. Some people just don't grow. Maybe physically but never mentally and this is what i think is happening here.
I know that everyone here on Specktra is here for me that's why I came here first for advise. You people rock! Love you all.
kisses

 

[Marielle001]

I've been there with 3 of my best girl friends a couple of years ago. I find it so insulting-- like you can't tell they're talking about you-- when people pull this kind of thing. And then suddenly they're ALL mad at you about some little thing that happened between just two of you...

I've learned since my freshman/sophomore years of college not to let anything fester. If I'm pissed off I either say why, or I let it go. There's no point getting pissed and just letting it grow without addressing the person. And if I get vibes somebody is mad at me and doesn't want to talk about it (which usually means it's stupid, because if it were a big deal I'd have apologized for it already), I just stop caring and write them off as a waste of time.

So I think your "friend" is being stupid, petty, and childish. This is, in my opinion, a really "girly" kind of behavior. I don't know why women seem to have these kinds of drama issues more often than men, but I think it's why most of my friends are guys. Even so, I think it's really sweet you're trying to work it out, and I hope it all blows over in a few days.

 

[nunu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marielle001 I've been there with 3 of my best girl friends a couple of years ago. I find it so insulting-- like you can't tell they're talking about you-- when people pull this kind of thing. And then suddenly they're ALL mad at you about some little thing that happened between just two of you... I've learned since my freshman/sophomore years of college not to let anything fester. If I'm pissed off I either say why, or I let it go. There's no point getting pissed and just letting it grow without addressing the person. And if I get vibes somebody is mad at me and doesn't want to talk about it (which usually means it's stupid, because if it were a big deal I'd have apologized for it already), I just stop caring and write them off as a waste of time. So I think your "friend" is being stupid, petty, and childish. This is, in my opinion, a really "girly" kind of behavior. I don't know why women seem to have these kinds of drama issues more often than men, but I think it's why most of my friends are guys. Even so, I think it's really sweet you're trying to work it out, and I hope it all blows over in a few days.

thanks soo much i really understand how you feel about the situation because thats how i feel about it. I'm past caring now, it's been almost a week and still no contact but i have more important things to concentrate on like my studying i have 2 deadlines coming up for friday so i'm trying to not think about my "friend" .
She knows where to find me, she knows my number and email address. It's still a shame though because you go through soo much with people and the suddenly for a petty little thing, they would just look at the bad stuff and never consider the good things you have done for them.

 

[nunu]

well my friend contacted me and goes to me that i have been 2 faced to her etc...i told her i'm not being 2 faced and that i don't know what she's talking about. Now she is involving my room mate in the whole thing and kind of put me in an awkward situation with my room mate. Basically she's trying to put my room mate against me. My room mate is out of town and will be back tomorrow. I wonder what she's been saying to my room mate! She also goes to me "best be straight with people" and i was like huh??!!
i just don't want her as my friend anymore i'm so over her because i know she's trying to stir things up between me and my room mate!

 

[ginger9]

nunu, I think you should try to open a dialogue with your roommate. You still have to live with her, whereas the issues with your friend is much more complicated. Tell your roomie her friendship is important to you and that you want to keep the lines of communication open with her and that you'd be willing to clear up/talk about anything that concerns your relationship with her.

btw I understand how you feel. One of my best friends from since highschool has basically gone AWOL. I have made many efforts and attempts to keep in touch with her. She tells me she is really busy with work but I feel like it has really gone beyond "I'm really busy". I don't know what has instigated this distance but I am at the point where I'm not going to chase her down any more and just chalk it up to maybe growing apart from a friend. I know it's kind of sad but sometimes that's the best that you can do

Anyway, I hope things workout for you

 

[~Valerie~]

Oh wow, I just read this whole thread and it's really sad you're in a situation with such an immature little brat. Just shows you've got more patience than me because I'd be going off on her after those last words! It really sucks that your roommate is involved.

I agree with Ginger that you should sit down and talk to your roommate one-on-one when she gets back. That girl made it obvious she's going to play dirty and just wants to make things miserable for you. I dunno where your roomie's mind is at right now but trust me the worst thing you can do is stay quiet about it. Just really stress to her that you need to talk. Tell her that you don't know what the other girl is saying about you, but you just want the drama to stop and to know that you two can still be civil with eachother since you live together. I doubt she'll object to that. After that, just let it go and allow things to work themselves out. In fact, act like nothing happened and continue to be friendly to her, even if she's weird with you. If she's got any brains she's going to eventually realize which of her friends is in the wrong here. If not, then it's not your loss.

 

[nunu]

thanks girls!
I spoke to my room mate last night and she's fine with me. She doesn't see that i did anything wrong and she actually told me that i tried my best to confront the girl but she just kept ignoring me. No way in hell am i talking to that girl in my life not after her being really mean and nasty towards me. I can't beleive that when she did come talk to me she actually said that i'm still her friend!! In my books she is not my friend anymore and im happy with that

thanks girls!

 

[Marielle001]

I'm glad it seems to have worked out with the roomie!

 

[nunu]

thanks

 

[nunu]

i recently found out the my soo called friend has been bitching about me behind my back while talking to me, so who is the 2 faced person now? she's been saying how a "waste of money" MAC is and that people actually work hard to get money but i just go and spend it and i don't even work for it!! I am really hurt after finding out these things,,I admit i did get over our friendship but now that i found this out it's like i'm back to square one. She is not my dad she can't tell me how i spend my money. and make up is not a "waste" of money for me because i use it! Just because she's not into make up does not mean other's can't be! I mean she would rather spend her money on buying alcohol everyday and going out clubbing every single day. I don't drink and i occasionally go out anymore because this is my final year in uni and i'm trying to work hard.
I am really hurt because i know that when she is pissed off with someone she would not stop bitching about them for ages and she would bitch to anyone and everyone. She's been bitching about me to all my other friends since october, so what does it make her sleep better at night???
People i've spoken to about this think she's jelous. We are women in our 20's no need for this bitchiness, there are bigger things in life that is going on like death of a significant other or anything in that sense..Like i found out last night that this guy i met in my first year of Uni passed away in a car accident. Now that's a bigger thing to be sad about. I'm trying to block her out of my life but after knowing what is really going on i am deeply hurt. I should be looking forward because my sister is coming to visit me for a few days but i just can't get out of my head what else she has been saying about me and to who?!
I'm sorry for the long rant but i desperately need to talk to people who would listen to me. I'm trying to ignore her and think that all the stuff she is saying about me is really petty. Actually one of our guy mates stopped talking to her because she just goes on and on bitching about me. I never experienced something like this ever in my life..

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Some people just never grow up *huggles*. It's sad and the things they say are hurtful but people like that are just not worth wasting your attention on. if you are content with how you spend your money and your time then fuck anyone else who bitches about it because they're not you and they have no right to complain about something that does not affect them.

Stay strong lovely! concentrate on the things you enjoy and your studies and time will pass quickly.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Unfortunately, age has nothing to do with that behavior; you'll see old people in nursing homes, near death, and still doing that stuff.

Having been there (and not pretending it's easy), the best you can hope for is that people realize how much BS she is and ignore or abandon her.

The important thing is you learned that she's doing this and cut her out of your life quickly; I'm guilty of letting people be assholes towards me for long periods of time, writing off really awful behavior as "Oh, they're just having a bad day." It sucks, but at least you have the common sense to rid your life of the negative like that.

 

[girlsaidwhat]

Um...Nora?

Clearly she's a loser...and she has nothing better to do with her time and energy than work to make others feel small.

She doesn't deserve you to waste any more of your precious energy or time on her. You have better things to do and better things to focus on! Let her talk to whomever she wants, in the end those who are your true friends will still be, and those who aren't weren't worth having as friends to begin with.

You give her your power when you allow yourself to be "hurt", "upset", etc, over this. She doesn't deserve to have that much power over you, she's proven that she doesn't deserve it by her choices. So don't give it to her! You're better than that.

:*

 

[nunu]

thanks for your support

i really appreciate it