gambling problem

[noahlowryfan]

do you have a family member that has gambling problems? i have one. my dad. right now, we're late in paying the rent. i'm scared that if we don't pay the rent, we will get evicted and the family will be homeless. my dad doesn't care about his family. he stole my mom's money just for his gambling pleasure. he has a serious problem. all the paychecks he has been getting has been going towards gambling. he can't even set aside some money away for paying the rent. he is getting a paycheck very soon and i know where that money is going to. gambling.

he keeps pressuring me to hurry up and find a job. finding a job takes time. i bet that he wants me to hurry up so that me and my sister can pay the rent while he spend all his paychecks on gambling.

 

[Simply Elegant]

He needs an intervention. He probably won't stop on his own and he needs professional help to deal with this. People who have addictions don't usually just realize it on their own and quit cold turkey. He probably should be an in-patient at a rehab if he's that late paying for rent.

 

[noahlowryfan]

i know he does but my family doesn't believe in rehab. hence, they don't know anything about rehab. my family were immigrants before they became US citizens.

 

[coachkitten]

I actually dated someone who had an extreme gambling problem and it took him hitting ROCK BOTTOM before he thought he needed help. He was a big 21 player and even got in legal trouble for taking out lines of credit with the casinos that he couldn't pay back. Like said above and intervention was what we had to do to finally get him some help. The intervention was really tough but I think that it saved his life in more ways than one. I would see if you and other members of your family can call a gambling hotline and talk to them about it and see if they can give you some advise on where to go from here. They often times will give you resources for low cost therapists or intervention specialists who can help mediate the intervention. There are a lot of great rehabilitation centers that can really help with this and insurance is getting better about covering part of the cost.

I am really sorry about your situation and I can relate in many ways. It is scary and sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[rbella]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

 

[melliquor]

Your dad needs help and won't be able to quit until he hits bottom (like coachkitten said). I know it is hard to imagine that you can get addicted to gambling but it is just like taking drugs. Addiction comes from the mind and not just the body.

I was a drug addict for many years and the only thing that I can tell you is that he won't stop until he is ready. You can't force or persuade anybody to stop what they are doing. His mind is telling him he needs this to be happy or for whatever reason he is gambling. Try to be there for him and let him know that you love him but you are not going to help him until he helps himself.

Is there anyway you and your sister can move out and find your own place? If you are paying the rent, then it is never going to help him and he is going to continue what he is doing. He will start taking your money as well.

Good luck and if you ever need to talk... just pm me. You will be in my prayers.

 

[noahlowryfan]

i'm not sure how often he gambles but all i know that he is never home on Saturdays and he can gamble all of his paycheck in that one day.

my sister and i are planning to move out once i find a job and my baby brother goes to college. that won't happen till next summer.

 

[Beauty Mark]

My father is a shopping addict. He hasn't stopped, because everyone keeps enabling him. I'm not kidding about this. He has a shitload of debt and no job yet keeps spending like it's his job.

You mention that your parents are immigrants? Are there any immigration organizations nearby that could help convince your father he needs help? You might want to talk to them for yourself; if/when you get a job, I'm pretty sure your father is going to be pretty demanding of your money.

Good luck. He won't change until he wants to or realizes it's necessary. I would focus most of your energy on trying to take care of yourself.

 

[redambition]

someone very close to me was addicted to a certain prescription medication. their entire life was consumed with visiting doctors to get scripts and taking it.

it took them hitting rock bottom - taking a large overdose by accident and then ending up in hospital - before they realised that this was a problem for them.

while the problem isn't the same, it is true what others have mentioned. You can't help an addict unless they want to help themselves. They have to realise that they have a problem and they have to want to fix it.

What Beauty Mark said is true - you have to focus your energy on taking care of yourself. Talk to your mother and siblings about this - it can help if you are all working together to take care of yourselves.

 

[noahlowryfan]

they aren't immigrants anymore. they have been US citizens for more than 20 years.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark My father is a shopping addict. He hasn't stopped, because everyone keeps enabling him. I'm not kidding about this. He has a shitload of debt and no job yet keeps spending like it's his job. You mention that your parents are immigrants? Are there any immigration organizations nearby that could help convince your father he needs help? You might want to talk to them for yourself; if/when you get a job, I'm pretty sure your father is going to be pretty demanding of your money. Good luck. He won't change until he wants to or realizes it's necessary. I would focus most of your energy on trying to take care of yourself.

 

[pumpkincat210]

It would be so hard to be in that situation. You need to get your family more involved and they need to learn that rehab isn't a bad thing...you learn about your actions and enabling behaviors...
Check the internet for gambler's anonymous meetings and go to a meeting yourself and tell them what is happening. You might get useful advice on how to handle the situation better.
Get as many people involved as possible. He needs an intervention or to realize that if he doesn't stop and get help immediately he'll lose his house and his family may be possibly be split up because of it.

 

[noahlowryfan]

This time, the one who has the gambling problem is my mom. She needs help. She is worst than my dad. She never came back from work yesterday and she's not coming back from work today. Both of my parents needs help with their gambling.