Getting "back out there"...again

euphrosyne_rose

Well-known member
Long story short b/c I can be long winded
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, it's been almost 2 years since I broke up with my last b/f. I'm 31 right now. It was something that was right for me and I haven't ever regretted that decision. I had a few other relationships before him but he was one of my longer ones, lasting almost a year and a half. I won't go into details b/c I've posted about it before, but it's been a major relief to not have him on my shoulders, so to speak.

Up until about 2 months or so ago, I was really enjoying being single and part of it was b/c of the cynic in me who thinks that relationships can be overrated. I was enjoying not having to deal with anyone's bullshit, not having worries over whether the person I was with really cared for me or worrying that he would cheat, leave, etc. I enjoyed the "alone" time that I even went on a trip to Scotland alone for a week.

I think now I'm ready to get back to dating again. It's been long enough and I think that I've been single this long b/c I needed time to figure out what it is I really want. At the same time, I feel like that's sort of a cop out answer b/c what I want now might not be what I want later on. I also was joking to my best friend (who is a gay guy) that maybe I had said too often I enjoyed being single and now the single gods were taking me at my word and he said something that I've been mulling over alot lately. He said, "Well, I wasn't putting myself out there either but I finally did and I met someone." I'm not sure what to think of the phrase, "put yourself out there" b/c really, I feel like it's hard for me to do that. Where I live it's sort of a small town and most of my friends here are either coworkers or neighbors. I work at a small private school so most of the guys I come in contact with are married men with families. I try to go out and do things with friends but usually on girls' night out, we don't get approached alot and I think some of the reason is b/c almost all of my girlfriends are married and guys take note of that. I come across guys all the time that I think are cute in the course of everyday life but I guess I just expect the guy to come to ME and say something to me about being interested. Is that too crazy or do other people feel the same way? I'm just looking for some advice b/c honestly, I am getting lonely in the guy department. And horny.
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Any suggestions or advice is appreciated!
 

Simply Elegant

Well-known member
Getting out there could be having an open attitude to meeting and dating new guys, letting your friends set you up, going places you don't normally go to, singles events, speed dating, online dating etc. Don't stay stuck on one kind of guy or one kind of place.
 

User38

Well-known member
Join an online dating service on a trial basis... see what's online and out there, and at the same time flirt a little with all different types of guys -- just don't give out any personal info. This might ease you into the real world and give you a more open attitude about all the different types of men you can meet:0

Good luck and don't give up!
 

kaliraksha

Well-known member
Let people know you're dating! There are always a few matchmakers in the group and when someone I know is single and I know for a fact looking I love to introduce them to people I think they'd like. While it doesn't always lead to anywhere but flirting... when you're first starting out again heavy flirting is pretty exhilarating. Making new friends that widen your social circle is helpful too.

A lot of my friends have had great luck with online dating websites like okcupid. Just be smart about it, of course.

Good luck!
 

buddleia

Well-known member
Two things: You're allowed to approach guys. It's 2010. You come across guys all the time during everyday life, so just say hi to them. Worse comes to worse, they ignore you. Big deal. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to come across another guy and say hi to. This whole idea of "The guy has to make the first move" has got to go.

I was in a similar position with you (also 31!) - broke it off with a guy last year, thought a long time about doing online dating, read a bunch of books (I liked Evan Marc Katz's book about online dating and "How to date in a post-dating world" by Diane Mapes), reworked and rewrote and tweaked and retweaked my online profile, finally put it up in May, and within a couple of weeks, my current partner messaged me and it's going really well! I'm in the type of relationship that I want with the type of person that I want. I was ready for it, and I think you're ready for it too.
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I used OKCupid because it's free, and it's kind of geeky, like me.
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I personally like online dating because everyone's clear about why they are there, and you can get a sense from people pretty quickly based on what they write (at least I can
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vs. meeting people in real life - they may have a partner, are gay, aren't emotionally available, etc. Not that I'm trying to discourage you from meeting people IRL, it's just that I made online dating work for me; you can make whatever method(s) you choose work for you too.
 

Meisje

Well-known member
I think that love happens when you are busy fulfilling yourself. I feel like you will meet someone appropriate and compatible while doing things you love to do.

And if you are doing that, and don't feel like it's happening fast enough --- I agree, try online dating. I know tonnes of really compatible couples that hooked up via online dating sites. I know there used to be a weird aura that hung over the concept of getting matched by a site, but it's long gone and it's a perfectly normal (and scientific!) way to meet someone. If I wasn't married, I would probably try it myself --- it gets some of the dealbreaker shit out of the way before you even meet.
 

LMD84

Well-known member
i agree that you should perhaps let everybody know that you are now looking to date, because as others have said - there are always friends who know people and would love to introduce you to some guys!!
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and i agree that a dating website would be good. even if you just message some guys and have a chat to ease yourself in
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no pressures and you'll get used to getting to know somebody again and perhaps feel some excitement.

also can you go out with just 2 other people? because as you say guys don't tend to approach large groups of girls. but go out as a 3 and guys will approach because the other two friends will be left to talk to each other while you can flirt up a storm!
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keep us updated sweetie! xxx
 

euphrosyne_rose

Well-known member
Thanks so much for the advice guys!! So far there's still no one on the horizon yet (and of course it seems like those I do spark with are either married or have girlfriends) but I'm not letting it get me down. I've been more flirty with guys than I am usually and I'm just trying to let what happens happen!
 

LMD84

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by euphrosyne_rose
Thanks so much for the advice guys!! So far there's still no one on the horizon yet (and of course it seems like those I do spark with are either married or have girlfriends) but I'm not letting it get me down. I've been more flirty with guys than I am usually and I'm just trying to let what happens happen!

brilliant! just go out and be yourself and have fun!
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and flirting more is great! and don't worry - you'll find a single guy soon enough
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