Greek Families and Relationship dramz

[Hilly]

Hey everyone,

This is a question on behalf of my best friend. She comes from afamily of 100% Greek origin and they are very much so into sticking with Greek to Greek dating. My friend has fallen in love with a Korean man and they are very happy. My friend hasn't told her parents about the relationship, but fears when she does, they will be very upset with her and kick her out. Does anyone have any advice on this?

BTW, The movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" is exactly how my friend's family is!!!! They own a restaurant and everything lol.

 

[angeliquea~+]

Hmmm I'm not sure how much help this is, but my best friend is Greek...I remember her telling me once that if she were to date an Asian guy, one of her grandmothers would flip out... but her family are quite laid back so I think that as long as she's happy, they're happy.

At the end of the day your friend has to do whatever makes her happy. There's no use in dating a guy she's not fully in love with just to please her family. She's the one that has to live with him, not them! I suspect her family probably will freak out at first, but may come round when they see he's a stand up guy and makes her happy.

Also I think her boyfriend needs to learn as much about Greek customs, culture and way of life as possible. If her family sees that he's made an effort to understand them and embrace their culture, they're more likely to accept him.

Good luck!

 

[frocher]

..........

 

[GreekChick]

I would advise her to slowly incorporate him into the family, slowly.
How old is your friend by the way? Is she old enough to stand her ground when it comes to her family?
I really think the level of that "greek mentality" should be taken into account. My parents would've loved for me to have found a Greek guy, but they are used to their three children not dating Greeks. I snuck mine around in the beginning, but at a certain point, I couldn't stop hiding the fact that I was dating a "xeno"!
You said they might kick her out...Is it really as hardcore as it sounds or is there a tiny chance they might get used to him?
Old mentalities make me laugh. If her boyfriend was American, or Italian (because Italians aren't that different from Greeks), they might be more accepting. The fact that her boyfriend is asian is what ticks the old mentalities off. They want someone with the same culture, the same religion. Dating someone black, someone asian, a muslim or a jew is completely out of the picture. It's about keeping the name and the greek culture going and alive for as long as a family can.
I think they'll slowly accept it more, but deep down, they'll always want her to find a nice greek boy. The key is to tell him to act completely, 100% gentleman-y around them, in order to melt their hearts a little bit. They need to get used to him, even if it's rough at the beginning.

 

[Hilly]

Thanks for yall's inputs. My friend is 25. She is the eldest, yet her parents have always given her brother (the youngest) the most freedom. It's going to be hard for her.

 

[kaliraksha]

Well I'm Spanish and my boyfriend is Indian. As hard as it it's been for him to incorporate himself into my family life, I know I'm going to have hell being accepted into his too.

We both know what his parents are concerned about, that my values are "too American" and that I will raise their grandkids differently or divorce him (which I'm told is very shameful in Indian cultures). However, once they get to know me (which is the process we're in) they will understand that I love all cultures and plan to raise my kids with both Spanish and Indian culture and influence. And, that I also think divorce is an absolute last option in any commitment.

So, basically I agree with the above that it's about morals, values and culture. If the non-greek bf is respectful of those things and willing to incorporate them into his life then hopefully her family will accept him.

It's important that they have a talk about what to expect and what to do just in case it's a worst case scenario. For example, we've both come to the realization that when we tell his parents we are getting married that his parents will pull drama - you're breaking my heart and insist that he leave me. We know that to almost be a fact. But, we already talked about it and know that won't phase us because in the end it's about what we want. When our parents are long gone we will only have each other. He's come to terms with the possibility of his parents "attempting" to disown him or cutting him out of their will. He said he doesn't care and would rather have me. We basically plan to give them lots of time to adjust and hopefully see that I love their son and plan to keep him happy.

They will need time. It will be completely new to them. They also need exposure to him and that may be the hard but necessary part. When I first started bringing my bf home my mom was like "you aren't going to marry him"... that was 3 years ago and now she's mostly asking "have you guys talked about marriage?"

 

[shama510]

Im greek too and my grandma was italian and my grandpa was full greek. His mom (my great grandma) was pissed when he was with her, but he told her didnt care what she thought and anything she said wasnt going to change his mind...eventually, the whole family got over it. My advice is to just explain to her mom the situation, and that they can either accept it or not, they love eachother and whatever the family says wont change her mind.