grrrrrrrr i hate christmas!!!

[Girl about town]

Right i need some advice!

My fiance and i have lived together for 6 years and have a son, My fiances mother died in july from cancer and its been a terrible year.
Anyway we were talking about what we would do for christmas, i suggested that we all go for a meal as its awkward deciding who to see on christmas day as my parents are also keen to see us and our son, we have a great day there and my son loves it. My fiances dad is now a widower so i was aware that we would have to be extra supportive this year.

To solve the problem i thought we could have dinner in our own house and then go visit both of our families on the same day.
My fiances sister had said she was having thier dad over for dinner originally but then texted my fiance and said that their house is far too small for us all and that we should host xmas dinner at ours.

This is what annoys me!!! i have a tiny house and i really don't want all the stress of cooking/hosting xmas dinner, to be honest i wasn't even planning on having dinner with them just us doing our own thing, i feel stuck in a corner
and im absolutely raging, my fiance is now in a foul mood with me and said i am being a bitch!!!! grrrrrrr i know im being stubborn but i can't think of a shitter xmas, all because his sister has nominated us as hosts, i will be left to everything and i am already stressed about everything! i also wouldn't mind seeing my own parents but feel i am being made to feel guilty.

Anway any feedback appreciated, am i being a selfish cow!!! anyone else have these family xmas problems??

 

[Beauty Mark]

Instead of taking the brunt of Christmas dinner, why not invite your parents, his father, and the sister to your house and ask everyone to bring a dish? Assign it so that you don't get a bunch of pies.

Another idea is that you could host dessert for all families. Your fiance's sister could have a quiet dinner with her father. I feel like the dessert part of Christmas or any holiday is the more social part.

I don't know how small your house is or how many people that really is, but my grandmother managed to fit about 10 people in her house for Christmas, and it's terribly small. it's not the roomiest, but it really doesn't bother anyone

 

[MissAnnaBanna]

i agree with beautymark, good ideas.

i would just plan a potluck Christmas. and since the sister nominated you as host, nominate her to help you setup/clean

i've been to my grandma's house for the holidays w.her 10 kids, their millions of grandkids/great-grandkids, uncles, cousins, etc...you get my point LOL, and being cramped in her small, country home never bothered anyone.

 

[FlashBang]

Usually what happens at my familys xmas dinners is that we all go around the hosts and we all help cook.

Maybe you can suggest it to them, tell them its your first xmas dinner and its daunting, you'd appreciate some help so you dont go wrong

Also, your fiance wasnt being fair, the pressure was on you not him, I dont think you were being selfish, just panicking

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Instead of taking the brunt of Christmas dinner, why not invite your parents, his father, and the sister to your house and ask everyone to bring a dish? Assign it so that you don't get a bunch of pies. Another idea is that you could host dessert for all families. Your fiance's sister could have a quiet dinner with her father. I feel like the dessert part of Christmas or any holiday is the more social part.

I like both of these ideas! I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I know it's harder when you're trying to make sure you see both families.
With my family, we do a pot luck kind of dinner - everyone knows what everyone else is making/bringing so that we have a nice variety of things. I don't think it's fair to expect one person to cook for a large group... like in my family that'd be 15-20 people. No way!

 

[Girl about town]

Thanks for the ideas, his dad will prob just refuse to come to ours if i invite my parents too, his family and mine don't really know each other well and his dad is feeling awkward because of the bereavement, so if they come over i don't get to see my parents on xmas day.

My house is really tiny i have room for a corner couch and a chair and telly in my living room and we don't have a dining room

so 8 people eating in my house at once would not be good.

I just really do not want to have everyone round the thought makes me really angry! and stressed lol is that bad?

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town I just really do not want to have everyone round the thought makes me really angry! and stressed lol is that bad?

I don't think so.
If you don't have the room, you don't have the room.
And if nothing else, if you don't want to do it... well you just don't want to do it, and I don't think you should be forced to.

 

[sharkbytes]

Why not split up the holiday? Spend Christmas day with one side of the family, and host a small gathering for Christmas Eve. My family has done that for years, and it leads to a lot less squabbling.

And so you don't get stuck with everything, have everyone bring something, and serve it buffet-style, where everyone helps themselves. It's less formal, but they ought to understand you don't have the space for a large dining table complete with service.

I'm sorry to hear of the tough situation

Unfortunately, it seems like you'll be the "bad guy" if you don't magically grow a bigger house to cater to everyone's wishes lol. I hope you can find a middle ground and have a peaceful holiday.

 

[glamqueen1]

I can totally understand that! X-mas is so full of expectations, especially on women. We're all supposed to put the apron on and go back to the 50's! I can understand that with all people expecting all those things of you, you just want to be left alone! Hang in, there, sister! Don't give in! You're the only one here thinking and considering YOU, no-one else seems to do that, so you have to stand up for yourself, otherwise you will have the same problem next year, and the year after!

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl about town Thanks for the ideas, his dad will prob just refuse to come to ours if i invite my parents too, his family and mine don't really know each other well and his dad is feeling awkward because of the bereavement, so if they come over i don't get to see my parents on xmas day. My house is really tiny i have room for a corner couch and a chair and telly in my living room and we don't have a dining room so 8 people eating in my house at once would not be good. I just really do not want to have everyone round the thought makes me really angry! and stressed lol is that bad?

If his father refuses to show up, that is totally on him. I understand bereavement is tricky and first holidays without someone are tough (my mother died when I was 14), but I don't think it's asking too much out of him to share your family time. Perhaps it would be good for him to be around others who aren't hurting the way he is.

If you are adamant about not having this at your house, is it too late or expensive to do Christmas out? Some restaurants serve for the holiday. Another option would be have it at your fiance's father's home. You still do it potluck style, though, so no one really has to make an entire dinner. It might be better for him, since he may want the comfort of his home but want people around.