Help me ladies. I need snappy comebacks.

[Shimmer]

I've mentioned before that I work in a gym...yay for spending my weekends teaching parents how to avoid dropping their precious little darlings and frat boys how to avoid killing themselves.
There's one thing I keep running into though, and I need new answers (the more realistically ludicrous the better) because the one I generally use is getting stale.
Usually the exchange goes something like this:

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Lil Ol' Me: "What? Like up the walls? Really? OMGOSH I dunno, because like...I know...there's something about the tape you're like...I think you're supposed to follow that like...*points* up, and stuff, but...there are just so many colors on the wall, I like...I touch one of the holds and think about climbing and I get just overwhelmed!!! I mean...SO MANY CHOICES OMGOSH!!"

BSM: "Wow. Yeah, I totally understand that. So how hard can you climb? Like...which wall gives you problems?"

LOM: "Oh man, the more tape there is the just...I get overwhelmed, that's all."

BSM: *swooping in to save the day* "Well, if you ever want a partner or someone to cheer you on or teach you, I'd be glad to give you a couple of pointers..."

LOM: "I'll keep that in mind."

I need new answers. I wouldn't even resort to the above exchange if I didn't get it EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND.

The answers have to be something I can legitimately say to a guy and make him look like a jackass without being a complete hellcat bitch on him.

 

[ohnna-lee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I've mentioned before that I work in a gym...yay for spending my weekends teaching parents how to avoid dropping their precious little darlings and frat boys how to avoid killing themselves. There's one thing I keep running into though, and I need new answers (the more realistically ludicrous the better) because the one I generally use is getting stale. Usually the exchange goes something like this: Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?" Lil Ol' Me: No, they were short on help. BSM: "Wow. Yeah, I totally understand that. So how hard can you climb? Like...which wall gives you problems?" LOM: I don't actually climb, I just hold the ropes pal! BSM: *swooping in to save the day* "Well, if you ever want a partner or someone to cheer you on or teach you, I'd be glad to give you a couple of pointers..." LOM: Sure your muscles won't get in the way. I need new answers. I wouldn't even resort to the above exchange if I didn't get it EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. The answers have to be something I can legitimately say to a guy and make him look like a jackass without being a complete hellcat bitch on him.

I used to go hiking with a boyfriend that prided himself on rock climbing... had the shoes and everything. We got to this one rock and he couldn't get a grib and wasn't able to pull himself up. After seeing his failed attempts I told him I wanted to try something, and to not help me at all. I wedged my knee and foot into the sides of the rock to get myself some height and up and over I went! He was 6 something... I am 5'5". I asked him if he needed a hand or if I should climb back down. ahhh validated my tiny self.

 

[rbella]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Lil Ol' Me: "Sure, did you need some help? Hold on, I'll get my gear and teach you."

 

[Shimmer]

Hell no. I don't do that for free.

 

[lindsaycoe]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Lil Ol' Me: Who me? Nah..I'm merely ornamental.

If he even knows what the last word means, I would be surprised.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Big Strong Man: "So, you rock climb"

Lil Ol Me: "What?! And mess up my make-up?!?"

 

[purrtykitty]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Lil Ol' Me: "Naw, they hired me to just stand around and look pretty. I don't actually know how to do any of this stuff."

 

[hello_my_apple]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Lil Ol' Me: uhhhhh, whats rock climbing?


*that should take care of it! haha

 

[TISH1124]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Yeah, I work pretty good with the tools I have

BSM: "Wow. Yeah, I totally understand that. So how hard can you climb? Like...which wall gives you problems?"

None really because we keep a fireman's ladder in the back and that normally helps me go as high as I need to...That's One of My Tools I was speaking of...Want me to go get it for ya??

 

[Shimmer]

Husband says I should tell them I'd be glad to offer private lessons, they're $50 an hour and non refundable. If they want a demonstration, it's $10 a climb for a boulder problem, $25 a climb for a route.
I say that's a rational response, but it's not a fun response.

I was thinking about saying (because I do have to keep my job through all of this and look like I'm actually providing customer service)
"Gee. Y'know, this is such an intense workout...I just hate sweating." Then shucking my overlayers and climbing later on.
or
"Climb? Up there? Man. 25' is a long way."
or
"I'll just watch you guys and see what I can learn." then go climb the overhangs.
or
"I pull harder than you, step higher than you, stretch deeper, and have walnut crushing grip strength. I dunno. What do you think?"
or
"Stop right there. Before you embarrass yourself, just stop."

 

[leenybeeny]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

LOM: Well yes, but I just learned a new tip.. using the keagle muscles will give a climber a huge advantage...

BSM: Really?? How do I use mine?

LOM: Sorry, you weren't blessed with those .. but I was

(then go fly up the wall)

 

[statusmode]

Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

Lil Ol' Me: "uhh... yeeah.. it's kinda what I do... sometimes I even get paid for it ya know....."

 

[DirtyPlum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?" BSM: *swooping in to save the day* "Well, if you ever want a partner or someone to cheer you on or teach you, I'd be glad to give you a couple of pointers..."

Which one do you need snappy answers to? (sorry, my brains has already wound down for xmas holidays)

 

[ohnna-lee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirtyPlum Which one do you need snappy answers to? (sorry, my brains has already wound down for xmas holidays)

I think I missed the point entirely also... it happens!

 

[*KT*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer BSM: *swooping in to save the day* "Well, if you ever want a partner or someone to cheer you on or teach you, I'd be glad to give you a couple of pointers..."

Sure and maybe I could give you some pointers on sarcasm!

 

[*KT*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Big Strong Man: "So, uh...do you know how to rock climb?"

That's why they pay me to spend every weekend here teaching it. How about you?

or

No, but don't tell that him/her (point at supervisor) or they'll likely stop paying me for giving lessons.

 

[kimmy]

i don't know jamie, i usually say something really catty when guys at the gym step to me with some dimwitted "are you sure you should have that calf raise weight set at 200lbs?" kind of comment. all i know is it sure is nice when they say it loud enough for all the other steroid influenced men and then have to watch me own that shit right in front of them.

i do like rbella's though...i think next time i get the calf raise comment i'll tell bsm "yeah, but don't worry, i'll drop it down before you get on."