How do you get back in touch with someone...

[MAC_Pixie04]

when 2 and a half years ago you ruined everything??


I'm sick over this right now. To make a long story short, I had a best friend all the way through high school and for two years ago. He moved to NYC, and during Spring Break 06, I went to visit him. I think being in close quarters and it just being the two of us for a week caused us to get on each other's nerves. Things were said that should never have been said, to his face, and behind his back--and he found out and confronted me. Rather than apologize I was a complete bitch. And we haven't spoken since. But not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of him, and over the past few months, making amends with him has become almost an obsession. I dream about him...I see people on the street and SWEAR it's him. I know it isn't, but I know these signs are telling me to just suck it up, apologize, and hope to God he at least considers speaking to me, even if it's just to hear me grovel.

But nobody I know has his number or his email...so I got so desperate that I sent him a facebook message. I don't even use Facebook. I registered for Facebook today because I knew he used it and I searched for him to send him a message. I know it's such a chickenshit way to contact someone after such a long long time, but it was really a last resort. I even used my boyfriend's last name instead of mine, so that he wouldn't recognize me and delete my message before reading it. This has just weighed so heavily on my heart that I woke up from crying in my sleep an hour ago to login and write him.

Did I do this right? What is the proper way to reach out to someone after so long when things ended on such bad terms? I just feel this deep-seeded unresolve in my heart, and I should have done this such a long time ago, but I didn't know how. And when I found out he was in town this entire summer, it really hit me hard and I knew I had to try and do something to fix this.

I know there's a chance that he won't wanna hear it and that it's likely he'll just delete the email without responding, but I can't give up trying.

Has anybody been in this kind of situation before? I need some help with this, I feel like I've run out of options, but I won't be at peace with myself until I at least know he's read or heard my apology, even if he doesn't accept it.

*Update*
!! So, he called me this evening. He told me that he got my email and that he'd forgiven me along time ago but didn't know how to go about getting back in touch with me. He's never been the type to hold grudges, as I've said before, but he's very headstrong and very set in his ways, and he even admitted to that during our conversation. He told me that he's absolutely ready to continue to talk and work things out and catch up and become friends again, and I'm SO happy. As soon as I heard his voice I just started crying, even before I could know whether this would be a positive or negative conversation. It turned out to be very very positive and I'm very happy to have my friend back. I let him know how glad I was that he was willing to accept my apology and have me back in his life and we talked for like an hour catching up, it was fantastic! Thanks to all of you Specktrette's for your input and support.

 

[brokenxbeauty]

It seems like this was the only way you could get ahold of him, obviously not the best, but the only. Also maybe it will be better this way? On the phone he could have hung up whenever, but maybe he'll still read it all even if he's still angry.
I hope things turn out well for you!

 

[shootout]

I agree with brokenxbeauty. It's definitely not the best way, but if this was the only way you could find him, then totally acceptable. And since you didn't use your real last name, he does at least have to read it before getting angry. Hope everything works out alright.

 

[kimmy]

i've been there and done that, only i found the person on myspace...so pretty much same thing. i don't see anything wrong with it, i mean calling them would be ideal, but you do what you can.

since you're willing to admit that mistakes were made, i think he should accept your apology. i don't know him or anything, but if you guys were such close friends for so long, i don't see any reason why he would not want that back especially when you've apologized and sought forgiveness.

 

[snowflakelashes]

I googled and e-mailed an old friend afew years ago. He e-mailed me once and added me to facebook. though our friendship just 'ended' due to him being too busy with school/work/girlfriends to keep in touch. I think sometimes friendships just end, but if it was through a fight then ya know that probably would eat at me. I at least have the peice of mind knowing he's alive. That's enough for me. It would be hard to let go if it was a fight.

Obviously it soo bad you don't have mutual friends, the ONE fight I had with a close guy friend the only way we made up was b/c mutual friends played matchmaker and put us back together. Things were never as good as they were before the fight but they got to be okay over time. The 2 months where we weren't speaking were agony. I had a lot of mutual friends so they would always talk about him, which drove me crazy. I can't talk to him so why did I still have to listen to his lifes story.

BUT I think if they hadn't patched us up together I would have had to learn to deal with it. Some friendships aren't meant to heal. I think without common friends, and activities to give you time to slowly get to know each other again its super hard to heal a friendship. The hardest thing I've had to learn in my lifetime is that sometimes friendships that seemed like they were the greatest weren't meant to last forever. Even aforementioned friend we e-mail afew times a year now, just busy drifted etc. Though I know it hurts, until he decides to reach back just surround yourself with yoru current good friends and BF and all the people who still fulfill your friendship needs. I hope you find the connection or closure that you need.

xoxo snowflakelashes

 

[malteze_bubbleg]

from what i read, since you did not have his email or number sending him a message was the best thing to do. Most likely he will read it, even if he is mad at you. He may not reply back but i have a feeling hes read it because im sure he would be curious about what you said. you sent him a message so now its up to him to reply and decide on whether he still wants a friendship with you. You've done your part now. even if it took you a long time to apologize...better late than never!

 

[ClaireAvril]

Quote:

Originally Posted by malteze_bubbleg from what i read, since you did not have his email or number sending him a message was the best thing to do. Most likely he will read it, even if he is mad at you. He may not reply back but i have a feeling hes read it because im sure he would be curious about what you said. you sent him a message so now its up to him to reply and decide on whether he still wants a friendship with you. You've done your part now. even if it took you a long time to apologize...better late than never!

I started replying then read this post - this is exactly what I wanted to say!!
If he feels as though he doesn't want to forgive you then you have to accept that and move on.
We win friends and we lose them but we should always learn from the relationships that we have.

 

[MACATTAK]

I think it's fine that you contacted him the only way you could. Hopefully he reads it, and has a chance to think about it. It's a huge thing to apologize, and admit wrong doing. Hopefully, he accepts your apology, but if not, at least you know you did the right thing, and hopefully you are able to find some sort of closure for yourself. It seems like this has been weighing heavily on you. Take care!

 

[joygasm]

Should keep us updated on what's happened.

 

[Simply Elegant]

If he has enough information on Facebook you could probably get his number or something.

Anyway, it's really up to him. I agree that some friendships should never be tried to work again if one or both people hurt each other too much. Sometimes people just aren't compatible.

Since you made it seem like you're most at fault, I think you just need to wait it out and hope that he forgives you. Sometimes people say things that hurt too much and you can't take that back. I had a friend like this and I'll never forget what she said and it's what's holding me back from ever contacting her again. At worst, hope for forgiveness and maybe over time you can build back his trust enough to be Facebook friends and then over more time get close enough to restore your old friendship if that's what both of you want.

Sometimes people change too much and you might find that it's better off not trying to get as close as you were but I guess it's worth a shot because it'll make you feel better.

 

[frocher]

I have no advice, but I understand what it is like to feel like you are in the wrong and wanting to make amends. Hugs and good luck.

 

[NicksWifey]

I'm really sorry you are so upset over the friendship ending. It sounds like you & your friend were really close and he meant and still means a lot to you. I think you are taking the right step, even if it means contacting him via internet. 2 years is quite a bit of time and he may have changed in that time period enough to forget what happened and would want to make amends right along with you.

I was in a similar situation with a high school friend. She and I got back in touch on MySpace after not talking for nearly three years. It was sorta tense at first, but we would email frequently and even met up to see each other. It took several months to get back to the level of friendship we had in high school, but we are still great friends to this day. I just think that in time, people change and can forgive each other.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I mean, the fallout was pretty mutual. He and I both said and did things that weren't very nice, but when he confronted me about the situation, instead of suck it up and try to work things out, I went on the offensive and continued to say unnecessary things. We could have easily just squashed it when it happened and I'd be in a much happier place, because I'm honestly a bit miserable about it, and I have been for awhile, but recently it's starting to chip away at me more. I have so much going on in my life, and he would have been the first person I would have called, and it just slapped me in the face one day recently that I don't have that anymore, not with anybody. I mean I still have a small circle of close friends now, but it's not the same.

So far no response, and I don't think the inbox will tell me if he's read it or not, but I feel like I've done what I can so far and I'll just continue to wait and see if he responds. I included my number in the message in case he decides to actually speak to me. I wrote that if he chose not to respond, I'd understand, I just wanted to make sure he knew that I truly am sorry for what happened between us and hope to make it right again.

I just hope it's not too little too late. In all the years I knew him, he wasn't really the type to just stop talking to someone after a fight, but I mean, two years later is kinda ehhh....we shall see.

Thanks for the all the input. I feel better just having written the email, even if he doesn't answer. I just want to fix it and put it behind us, I really miss having his friendship.

 

[emeraldjewels]

I have my fingers crossed for you, i'm really hoping it works out. Its a shame that you got so far apart. I think you did the best could without any numbers or anything.