I am a great big loser...

[Krasevayadancer]

So sorry to burden everyone with this but I guess I am just stressing and I need to get this off my chest.

I guess a couple of realizations have come crashing down on my head and I am not feeling too happy about them.

It all started with my mother suggesting i go on a vacation to Mexico with my 67 yr old father, my 37 yr old sister, her 2 sons and her husband. I was appalled by the idea of having to be responsible and to share a room with my father, a man who practically ruined the day of my college graduation by creating a scene at dinner after...

Of course I was angry she even suggested it, and I made that known. My mother in turn called me ungrateful, and said she was appalled at my reaction.

This brings me to the next realization. Here I am: a 22 yr old who just graduated from college and is working at a prestigious private equity firm in NYC. I live at home, but only because I can't afford to be on my own just yet here in NY. I have a boyfriend who I don't know how i feel about anymore, and I have absolutely no friends to speak of.

In terms of the friends situation, I have tried so hard in the past to find people that I can connect with, people who I can share things with. The cliche of the girlfriends you can go out with, cry with, and laugh with. I am especially feeling it now that I am out of my college environment. I don't have anyone to have dinner with, let alone go on a vacation with. It has come to the point where I have made so many bad decisions regarding who I choose to be friends with, that I just keep in this shell not letting myself be in a situation where I am vulnerable again. I have been screwed over far too much...

I just wish I knew what I could do to get myself out of this rut. I just want to run as fast as I can away from here...

 

[MACATTAK]

Sorry to hear you are so down

I've been in the situation with friends so many times before. I usually have only 1 or 2 friends at a time & seemed to be burned by them. It's hard & I have a hard time even wanting to try to get friendly with anyone because of being so disappointed with friends in the past. However, you have soo much to be happy about. You just graduated (a huge accomplishment), and you have a job!!! Is there anyone at work you might consider wanting to go to lunch or a movie with? Sometimes we have to take the first step & be a friend to make a friend. We also tend to look at all the crappy stuff going on in our life instead of the good, but you have a lot to be happy for

 

[Shimmer]

figure out where you want to be, and make a plan.
It sounds overly simplistic, but it's the easiest and fastest way to do it. Do you want your own place? A new beginning? Whatever it is, figure out what you need to do to get it, and start working for it.
Toxic people, even family, are a huge drain on your energy.
It will get better babe.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

MACATTAK- Thank you so much for offering your friendly advice. Sometimes it helps just to know others have been where you are. Its so hard to get myself out of the mentality that everyone is out to screw me or just uninterested in being my friend. I will keep trying cause thats the only thing to do, right?

Shimmer- You couldn't be more right about toxic people (and family members) pouring out their negative energies into me. Thank you so much for your support, your words have really hit home with me. You are absolutely awesome! Thanks so much

 

[giz2000]

You are not a loser...you're young, and trying to find your way in this big, crazy world. I am sure that you've heard that you'll be able to count your true friends on on hand? It's true...I have 2 that I've known most of my life and that's it. You will eventually meet people that you can trust, but, with everything, let your gut lead you..it never steers your wrong.

Hang in there...this is all a part of growing up...hugs to ya!

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Giz2000- thank you so much for your words of support!

 

[SingFrAbsoltion]

I totally understand how you feel. I'm also going through something similar and I hope it's just a phase for both of us.
The friends situation..I totally know how you feel. It's hard for me to become friends with people. I mostly have acquaintances but not really close friends. If I didn't have my boyfriend I'd be such a loner.
And as for family..you say you have issues with your father..yea..my stepfather did some things that made me lose trust in him forever and I still can't look him in the eyes because I get so furious.
Now add to all this a dead end job and a going to a shitty college because I can't afford any better.
But I know that so many people have it worse than me and my problems seem nothing compared to theirs..even on this board. I really look up to them because they keep going no matter what. They really inspire me.
And I mean things have to get better someday right? Good luck to you =]

 

[Willa]

I totally understand how you feel...
4 years ago I decided that I needed some change in my life.
I moved out of the appartment I shared with a girl who used to be a friend at the same time, we knew each other for about 4 years until I realized I was only there to satisfy her lonely time... when the others we'rent free to do something with her.

So, I went back to my parents house, I was 22 at the time.
Lost all my ''friends'' when she talked behind my back to all of them

I had to start it all over...
But its hard when you dont go to school anymore, when you work with ladies older than you, not the same interests and on and on...

So, im going to be 27 this friday, and still, I didnt find many many good friends. Only one, and we cant see each other a lot because she lives to far from Montreal (where I live)... so we talk to each other with msn.
In 4 years, I met soooooooo many people, but I always feel like I'm an alien

, you know, when you feel you dont fit it.

I wish I had a good friend to go shopping with, to go to the movies, to the restaurant... but I dont have anybody, I really know how you feel. I met a great guy last october, so at least, my friday nights arent empty anymore, I'm really happy to know him because in a way I found confidence that I'm still a human being

ok, no for real, I realized then that you can meet your friend soul mate anytime.

We just need to be patient...
A little more

 

[MACATTAK]

Quote:

I will keep trying cause thats the only thing to do, right?

Yes, you have to keep trying. I know it's hard, but that's the only way you are going to make friends. I know I am extremely "distant" from any girl friends I have at first. I don't want the same things happening to me over & over again. It's not until I feel I can trust them that I let my guard down & invest time in them. Don't get me wrong, you still may get hurt & be disappointed, but you will eventually find some good ones out there like yourself

 

[Esperanza]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK you have soo much to be happy about. You just graduated (a huge accomplishment), and you have a job!!! Is there anyone at work you might consider wanting to go to lunch or a movie with? Sometimes we have to take the first step & be a friend to make a friend. We also tend to look at all the crappy stuff going on in our life instead of the good, but you have a lot to be happy for

First of all congratulations for your graduation! I totally agree with Macattak, you have to focus on the happy side of your life. I know it's not easy, everyone has down phases and some really low self-esteem moments but you have to go through it and pull yourself together.
For the friends part, having hard times with toxic people doesn't destroy your ability to make friends again, don't worry about that. Everyone makes mistakes when it comes "to choose" our friends but you have to turn these bad relations to good account then you'll be stronger than ever and really open for a fresh and true friendship.

I've been going through these times myself and finally, real good friends has come around. The ones you can count on everytime and who are there whatever happens to you, people who know that friendship's not working in one way. When I realized that all that shit wasn't worth it at all, I just put this bad business behind me and move on.

And you know what the Monty Pythons said... always look on the bright side of life

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Esperanza,
I see what you are saying. I think now its only a matter of me putting my bad experiences behind me and putting myself out there again.

Thanks so much for all your support ladies!

 

[ginger9]

I understand what you are going thru and I agree with what everyone said - you have accomplished great things and there's more to come

Sounds like you have grown in life and need a change...that's an exciting time of life but can be very confusing at the same time. You are discovering who you are right now so take your time, like shimmer said think about what you want and takes steps to make it happen.

As for friends, the only thing I can say is keep trying and make some initiatives. The funny thing with friends is some grow apart while others are for life. It's really random to be honest. Also it takes time to develop deep long lasting relationships so don't give up. Sometimes friendships that warm up too fast doesn't last very long. I do think it's important for a person to have their own friends rather than having a SO as a substitute...that is one lesson I've learned for life.