I can't take this empty shell anymore!

[BloodMittens]

Okay... I just... I have to vent, I can't take this anymore!!! I want it to end but I don't at the same time.

When me and my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up three months ago, I thought everything was over. Found out I was preggo, lost the baby, blahblah, same shit. He told me he didn't love me, didn't want to be with me... and didn't care what I did, just to stay away from him.

I stayed away from him, I didn't call, didn't text, every time I heard he was coming somewhere I was gonna be at, or was at... I would leave. I didn't want to see him, every time I saw him I started crying. I had lost my baby, and him all the in the same month... I couldn't take the pain. I started locking myself in my room and only going to work and out to places with my friends when he was at work (we both have the same group of friends...). I kept getting texts from him, asking me if I was okay. I responded, always saying I wasn't okay, and he was stupid for thinking I was. He called me a few times, I didn't answer because I didn't want to talk to him. Until one day I answered because I found out my friend commited suicide and I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed some sort of support. Talked to him a bit, and felt everything would be okay and I could continue ignoring him.

Then one night, I decided I was gonna go to the bar with my girlfriend, who was meeting her boyfriend (one of my good friends) there. She told me it was only her boyfriend there, and not to worry. So I went there, and my ex showed up.

I wanted to leave but my friend begged me to stay, saying I needed to talk to him, because this avoiding thing was hurting him too. He told me he loved me... and that he didn't want me to avoid him... he told me he missed me more than anything and we actually had a lot of fun.

All in all... after drinks and a LOT of crying from me. We ended up at a hotel. I remember everything... so it's not like he raped me or anything. But as soon as I woke up, I bolted.

Since then... he's told me he loves me, and how much I mean to him. We've been having nights like this once a week... sometimes more. We hang out everyday he is off of work, going shopping, doing things couples do. He told me he wanted to date me again when this stuff first started happening. He said he wanted to think about it first though, and I agreed that he should... but now he says he doesn't want to date me again ever... and he wants this empty shell of a relationship to end.

And I'm pissed.

I was FINE, staying away from him and avoiding him! I even went on some dates to keep my mind off of him, I hung out with other friends I have and stayed as far away from him as possible. I was coping, slowly... but I was. And then he comes back into my life, wants to date me, gets what he wants from me then dumps me AGAIN!?!

I don't know what to do anymore... I just had to vent.

 

[lyttleravyn]

Hey girl, I'm sorry you are going through this

I'm going through something similar with my bf of 1 1/2 years. He is so hot and cold on a regular basis and its really tearing me up. Although even he's acknowledged that I've done nothing wrong, I still feel like a fool.

 

[BloodMittens]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyttleravyn Hey girl, I'm sorry you are going through this I'm going through something similar with my bf of 1 1/2 years. He is so hot and cold on a regular basis and its really tearing me up. Although even he's acknowledged that I've done nothing wrong, I still feel like a fool.

I hear ya... hell, HotN'Cold by Katy Perry is his theme to me -_- I know that's lame... but it's so TRUE!

 

[Holy Rapture]

BloodMittens, as how I see it, you never should've gotten close to the same scumbag (forgive me!) again. Nothing can be done about what happened, so whatever's gone is gone. First of all, you need to change your phone #. Do not give it out to anyone who knows him. If they ask, jus say we could talk when I see you again. You did not do anything wrong. That's the most important thing to understand. Nothing is your fault. It turned out this way simply b/c it had to! Now, all you need to do is to focus on what you have, your family, your job, your hobbies, things you always wanted to do. You know, be with you, spend time with yourself

Read a book, watch tv, go to the malls, hang out with people (other than those who know that jerk). You need to see the light! And I bet you will, you'll be stronger than you think you are. PM me if you need to jus talk and take it all out

 

[iadoremac]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you i think its safe to say he does not know what he wants. Please try as much as possible to ignore him and continue to avoid him. men are such assholes its best you do what you think is best for you without considering his feelings because he is not considering yours at the moment

 

[BloodMittens]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iadoremac I am so sorry that this has happened to you i think its safe to say he does not know what he wants. Please try as much as possible to ignore him and continue to avoid him. men are such assholes its best you do what you think is best for you without considering his feelings because he is not considering yours at the moment

Thank you guys

This always helps!

I know I need to get away from him.

 

[kittykit]

Sorry to hear about that hun.

I was in a similar situation with one of my ex. We broke up and I avoided seeing/contacting him for a year and he finally came back and tried to win me back again. So we started going out together again. After a while, he was hot and cold. I cried my last tears for him and thought it's enough. I didn't give him a chance to dump me this time, so I dumped him first. It made me feel so good! I haven't seen and heard from him since then.

Don't let the same guy hurt you the second time. Move on, you'll be better off without him.

 

[TamiChoi]

Wow, sounds like he can't make up his damn mind.
Keep avoiding and ignoring. Also, change your number and never fall for the same mistake twice.

 

[jdechant]

Hot and Cold is right!! Probably in your best interest to avoid him though..you know it will only end in heartbreak..... but hope you feel better, we are all hear for you!!

 

[blindpassion]

Its not fair for you to have to go on a roller coaster ride like that.
I say, as hard as it is, hes obviously not in the right place to be having any sort of commitment. If hes saying he wants it to end, then be the big girl, as hard as it is, and leave it be. If he calls - so what, if you see him- doesn't matter. Realize that you're worth more then to be taken for a ride and sometimes things are meant to end.

 

[Amber*Christine]

He's very wicked to have toyed with your emotions and used you. I'm kinda in the same boat, my ex and I broke up in Sept., but were together for almost 4 years and he does the same shit. One minute he acts coldly toward me like we never meant anything at all, the next he's telling me he still loves me and still wants to hook up w/ me despite the fact he's w/ someone else who he claims to care for. I'm just starting to realize how fucked up he is and even though I'll prob. always have love for him this is an EXTEREMLY unhealthy situation for me to put myself in. Everybody tells me it's best to cut ties and while it's pretty hard, I guess that's what I need to do and what I'd recommended for you too, after all, the rollercoaster needs to end, god forbid he comes crawling back, the relationship is on strong again emotions get invested again and then he pulls the same shit, right? So, I say good luck to both of us!

 

[Lauren1981]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BloodMittens Okay... I just... I have to vent, I can't take this anymore!!! I want it to end but I don't at the same time. When me and my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up three months ago, I thought everything was over. Found out I was preggo, lost the baby, blahblah, same shit. He told me he didn't love me, didn't want to be with me... and didn't care what I did, just to stay away from him. I stayed away from him, I didn't call, didn't text, every time I heard he was coming somewhere I was gonna be at, or was at... I would leave. I didn't want to see him, every time I saw him I started crying. I had lost my baby, and him all the in the same month... I couldn't take the pain. I started locking myself in my room and only going to work and out to places with my friends when he was at work (we both have the same group of friends...). I kept getting texts from him, asking me if I was okay. I responded, always saying I wasn't okay, and he was stupid for thinking I was. He called me a few times, I didn't answer because I didn't want to talk to him. Until one day I answered because I found out my friend commited suicide and I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed some sort of support. Talked to him a bit, and felt everything would be okay and I could continue ignoring him. Then one night, I decided I was gonna go to the bar with my girlfriend, who was meeting her boyfriend (one of my good friends) there. She told me it was only her boyfriend there, and not to worry. So I went there, and my ex showed up. I wanted to leave but my friend begged me to stay, saying I needed to talk to him, because this avoiding thing was hurting him too. He told me he loved me... and that he didn't want me to avoid him... he told me he missed me more than anything and we actually had a lot of fun. All in all... after drinks and a LOT of crying from me. We ended up at a hotel. I remember everything... so it's not like he raped me or anything. But as soon as I woke up, I bolted. Since then... he's told me he loves me, and how much I mean to him. We've been having nights like this once a week... sometimes more. We hang out everyday he is off of work, going shopping, doing things couples do. He told me he wanted to date me again when this stuff first started happening. He said he wanted to think about it first though, and I agreed that he should... but now he says he doesn't want to date me again ever... and he wants this empty shell of a relationship to end. And I'm pissed. I was FINE, staying away from him and avoiding him! I even went on some dates to keep my mind off of him, I hung out with other friends I have and stayed as far away from him as possible. I was coping, slowly... but I was. And then he comes back into my life, wants to date me, gets what he wants from me then dumps me AGAIN!?! I don't know what to do anymore... I just had to vent.

this guys sounds like an asshole.
i would try my hardest to steer clear of him. i know it's SO much easier said than done but just remember that you've ignored him before so you do have to strength to do it.
i have not one clue as to why he went through this bullshit of wanting you back just to end it all over again. maybe he wanted to see if he did still have feelings for you or not and this was his sick way of finding out. or maybe it's a control thing (i.e. with you ignoring him he may have noticed/felt you were living your life and doing your own thing and no longer worried about him) either way, it's f'd up and you're better off without him. look at how he acted when you lost the baby! whether he wanted to be with you or not he should have at least been there for you when you were going through that, ya know? not making matters worst by saying he doesn't want to ever be with you in the midst of everything you were enduring.

yep, an asshole if i didn't know any better......

 

[FiestyFemme]

I replied in the other breakup thread, but I thought I'd throw my two cents into this one too...

Your ex is an ass for playing with you like this, whether it was intentional or not. He might have really thought you could work things out, but still, I think he should've been damn sure before he goes dragging your feelings through the mud. Regardless of his intent, I think you just need to move on from this guy... he doesn't sound like much of a winner anyway. Sorry to say, but I just can't agree with how he behaved towards you after the breakup, not caring about you or your baby. You deserve SO much better, you really do. You need to distance yourself again, and do whatever it takes to make that happen. Change your number, whatever. Just don't give him the opportunity to do this again. It's not right.

 

[Beauty Mark]

You need to get over him and never ever see him again.

Make damn sure your friends respect your wishes not see this guy again. Seriously. I would seriously question the friendship I have with that girl just because she obviously doesn't get it. Your life isn't some movie where the guy has totally changed and your friend's interference is acceptable.

Take care of yourself and DO NOT SEE HIM AGAIN. He has done a lot of bad things to you really recently, and he obviously doesn't respect you. You deserve better.

 

[BloodMittens]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark You need to get over him and never ever see him again. Make damn sure your friends respect your wishes not see this guy again. Seriously. I would seriously question the friendship I have with that girl just because she obviously doesn't get it. Your life isn't some movie where the guy has totally changed and your friend's interference is acceptable. Take care of yourself and DO NOT SEE HIM AGAIN. He has done a lot of bad things to you really recently, and he obviously doesn't respect you. You deserve better.

Wow. This one really sprang through to me.


Yeah I told him two days ago that I really don't want to see him anymore, but in the nicest way possible... I'm not good at being mean

It seems to have worked pretty well, he stopped calling me, but today I got flowers at my door :/

Sigh... I guess he just doesn't know how to quit.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Any gifts- return to sender or just throw out.

He sounds like he just wants what he can't have.

 

[leenybeeny]

I am so sorry you are going through this. He sounds like a first class jerk!!!! It's unfortunate that you have the same group of friends.. but be strong and don't go back to him again, ever!!!!! ***HUGGLES***

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Any gifts- return to sender or just throw out. He sounds like he just wants what he can't have.

agreed. he's toxic, it's best to just cut him out of your life completely.

 

[ab5inth7]

I so totally know what you're talking about. My bf and I broke up a long time ago and now I think I finally moved on, but damn, that guy almost made me turn psycho.
He used to go to the same school as I do, but then we broke up and he got expelled, so I thought I just wouldn't see him anymore and it would be all good. But we pretty much have the same friends so I still had to see him every single weekend, because we all go to same places and do everything together. Then, like 2 months after we broke up, we hooked up again and he told me I was too good for him and that I should find someone who is good enough for me. And I told him he was good enough and that I really wanted him back. It was terrible I would like cry myself to sleep every single night and at school I wasn't myself, although I tried to fake a lot.
And then again and again, each time we got drunk he would come up to me and we'd make out and say all this shit and then the next day we'd wake up and none of it would come true.
It went on like that for over 10 months and let me tell you, it was all so fu*cked up it ain't even funny.
And then I just said STOP. I couldn't put up with his crap anymore. He doesn't know what he wants and if he isn't mature enough to realize this, I just don't care anymore. But hey, I still do have feelings for him...
In the case he would like ask me to go back to him, I highly doubt I'd have the strenght to reject him.
So I am not a good person to give you an advice. But at least you know that you're not the only one going through this.
<333333

 

[joey444]

First off, I'm really sorry you're going through this especially around the holidays. You're a smart girl and already know that you need to get away from him. This is a classic case of "I don't want to be with you but I don't want to be without you." Unfortunately, you can't have both. You are worth alot more than that and deserve better so act like it. That's what drives him crazy. The second he sees you doing well and moving on, then it becomes a challenge to him to see if he can win you back. He's not doing it because he really loves you or wants to be with you; he's doing it purely for his ego.

Be strong, stay away from him and let him see what he lost. Take in and learn from this experience that life threw your way as you will always come out a bigger and better person!

Lots of hugs and kisses and happy holidays!! XOXO