littlepickle
Well-known member
Hi girls,
I became friends with this girl (let's call her K) last year at tech, we had one of our classes together and clicked really quickly - the kind of friend you feel like you have known for a long time. When K's flat had an empty room come up she offered it to us and my boyfriend and I decided to take it in order to reduce our costs. I wasn't too worried about how flatting with her would go because we got along so well. But - you guessed it, things changed when we moved in that August.
For a start, the house was an utter PIGSTY. K's ex boyfriend (H) was living there too and was quite hostile, there was also a third flatmate who mostly kept to himself (J) but was best friends with K. After a week of umming and ahhing H decided to move out, which was a bit of a relief. Thing were okay for the first week, but I soon noticed that the funny smell in the lounge was a dirty cat box left by a former flatmate that everyone else in the house refused to clean out. I thought that was DISGUSTING, of course, and did it myself. We had brought our own fridge with us because we didn't want to share, and thank goodness. When K & J opened the fridge they shared, the whole kitchen/living room stank for at least 15 minutes afterwards and there was a pool of liquid in the bottom that dripped onto the floor.
THEN there was the dishes. They very rarely got done but we didn't complain, we just did ours. I'm not saying we were the perfect flatmates, no one is, but I swept and mopped and vacuumed the floors once a week, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, and locked the door at night. My boyfriend and I don't party AT ALL, we're usually in bed by 10 or 11pm and we don't make a heck of a lot of noise when we get up at 7ish. So I don't think we're too annoying. K & J kept very odd hours, they would be up til 3am crashing and bashing around, and sleep in til 10 or 12 the next day, with K being often asleep til 6pm!
In October, we asked K to help us with some dishes that we were doing and she got really mad. She told us she resented being asked as she only had a few dishes. I didn't want a confrontation so walked away. My boyfriend pursued the issue and said she needed to come help as he was sick of us doing everything. K got even madder and stormed out of the house. Half an hour later she was back in her room and her ex boyfriend H had shown up and was shouting at us that he was going to kick us out of the flat because he & K's names were still the ones on the tenancy agreement. He told us we were terrible people and were mistreating K. That made me really upset as I still considered K my friend even though I was starting to get frustrated by her. Eventually H calmed down and we got him to agree to sign the tenancy over to us at a cost of $900, but it was still cheaper than if we'd been kicked out on the street :s K decided she would move out mid November.
K also had a cat, Kitiara, who was really beautiful but had an odd personality. When you fed her, she'd growl as she ate and was aggressive towards my own 2 cats.
Kitiara was really the problem. K got a new boyfriend shortly after we moved in, and would be away from the flat most weekends, without letting us know or arranging any food for her cat. Weekends turned into weeks at a time. I found that I was feeding 3 cats all of a sudden, and it soon became obvious that Kitiara had never been deflead or wormed, so I did this too. Kitiara was also a longhair, and when I moved in K & H told me they thought she had tumours all over her belly. I investigated and found that the 'tumours' were hard lumps of matted fur as they had never ever brushed her. It took me an hour and a half to brush and cut them out, and lots of scratches :s
The longer we were around Kitiara, the more affectionate she was with us and she no longer growled when eating. We figured out that the growling was defensive behaviour as before we came along she must not have known when and where her next meal was. I kept her groomed and she slept on my bed and got along with my cats. But I didn't know right away that she wasn't spayed!
My mum, a vet nurse, came to visit in September and told me Kitiara was pregnant. I'm a big believer in fixing my pets, mine are, and I had just assumed that Kitiara was :s By this time I was totally disillusioned with K and given her lack of care for Kitiara as I had witnessed, I felt sure that Kitiara and kittens would be a novelty to her and nothing more. I knew I'd be left with the responsibility. With my friend Fleur I decided to find Kitiara a new home as I'd read that pregnant cats often wander. Since K was never home, she'd just think she'd run away, and Kitiara would have a home where she and her kittens would get the best care and love. I had a home organised for her with Fleur's mother and she was due to pick her the next day - but then she went into labour. 4 kittens were born, 3 brown/grey tabbies and a ginger. They were tiny! K of course was not home. I called her several times over the 2 hours that Kitiara was in labour and she finally popped round for an hour before leaving again.
Because the kittens were so small and Kitiara was a REALLY petite cat already (probably stunted from not being fed when small) I was concerned about their health and read up as much as I could on keeping them warm and making sure they had everything the needed. Kitiara was really good feeding her babies.
After a week, when they should have doubled in size, they hadn't grown at all, so I rushed out to get some formula. The same day the ginger kitten died. I was so upset - K wasn't phased. I started feeding all the kittens the formula, alternating them between their mum and hourly formula feeds as my mum advised. The kittens were getting colder so I kept the room they were in nice and toasty with closed windows, a heater and a hot water bottle under their bedding which I kept reheating.
However K kept coming in and turning the heater off and opening all the windows! No matter how many times I tried to explain that she needed to leave things my way because there was something wrong and I'd gotten advice from the vets to do this, she just kept saying we didn't need the heat in there and that Kitiara would take care of themselves and that I didn't know what I was talking about. Within the next few days despite all my care the other two kittens died.
Kitiara moped for a few days but a week later I went back to my home town to visit my family and came back with another kitten, Ted, a 6 week old or thereabouts foundling who had been found on a road in bad condition. My mum's vet clinic had taken him in and nursed him back to health though he still needed a few medications. I fell head over heels in love immediately and he came back with me that weekend. Kitiara also took to him and he immediately became her replacement baby. K was around more and more infrequently. She moved out a few weeks later to live in her home town over the summer. Kitiara was left behind on the understanding that K would give me $5 per week to cover her costs, I would get her speyed and feed her and care for her and K would reclaim her when she moved back into town in January.
After K left we befriended some of the neighbours who then told us how they had seen K & H and their friends throwing Kitiara around like a ball, and that they had witnessed their friends throwing Kitiara AT things, like the wall and dropping her from heights. They also told us they'd noticed Kitiara looking for food and had fed her, and had tried to deflea her and worm her too.
I thought I had already lost all respect for K - but after hearing that, I really, truly had. I couldn't believe someone could treat their pet this way!! My cats are my BABIES. I feed them and nurture them and love them as I would any children I may someday have.
Months passed with no word from K, no $5 per week, until in January we got a deposit of $50 into our account from the ex boyfriend, H. K moved back into town and asked when she could reclaim Kitiara. We had by this time speyed Kitiara and loved her to bits, we thought of her as one of our own cats and we certainly didn't want her to go back into K's care!! We hoped she would forget about Kitiara but she kept asking so eventually we found her a new home with a lovely gentleman (I got weekly updates and they are doing soooo well together) and we told K that Kitiara had run away. This worked and K stopped asking about Kitiara.
But now K emails and texts me every week or so wanting to meet up. I really don't want to see her, I don't consider her my friend anymore and have absolutely no respect for her. I wish I could be mean to her! But that's not me, and if I encounter her, I know I will be nice to her and then kick myself later for it. I don't want to let her back in my life but I don't think I can avoid her forever. On Tuesday my friend Nicole & I (you may have seen her in some of my photoshoot FOTDS) were walking towards the supermarket that Nicole's mum works at when we spotted K across the road. Before she could see us (hopefully!) we picked up pace and made our way to the supermarket without looking back. I know it seems childish but I just didn't want to see her. I don't know how to cut her out of my life without being mean, which I don't feel I can be
Please help!!
Very sorry about the long story but I wanted you guys to know the back story and to understand why I don't want to be her friend and what it's been like :s
I became friends with this girl (let's call her K) last year at tech, we had one of our classes together and clicked really quickly - the kind of friend you feel like you have known for a long time. When K's flat had an empty room come up she offered it to us and my boyfriend and I decided to take it in order to reduce our costs. I wasn't too worried about how flatting with her would go because we got along so well. But - you guessed it, things changed when we moved in that August.
For a start, the house was an utter PIGSTY. K's ex boyfriend (H) was living there too and was quite hostile, there was also a third flatmate who mostly kept to himself (J) but was best friends with K. After a week of umming and ahhing H decided to move out, which was a bit of a relief. Thing were okay for the first week, but I soon noticed that the funny smell in the lounge was a dirty cat box left by a former flatmate that everyone else in the house refused to clean out. I thought that was DISGUSTING, of course, and did it myself. We had brought our own fridge with us because we didn't want to share, and thank goodness. When K & J opened the fridge they shared, the whole kitchen/living room stank for at least 15 minutes afterwards and there was a pool of liquid in the bottom that dripped onto the floor.
THEN there was the dishes. They very rarely got done but we didn't complain, we just did ours. I'm not saying we were the perfect flatmates, no one is, but I swept and mopped and vacuumed the floors once a week, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, and locked the door at night. My boyfriend and I don't party AT ALL, we're usually in bed by 10 or 11pm and we don't make a heck of a lot of noise when we get up at 7ish. So I don't think we're too annoying. K & J kept very odd hours, they would be up til 3am crashing and bashing around, and sleep in til 10 or 12 the next day, with K being often asleep til 6pm!
In October, we asked K to help us with some dishes that we were doing and she got really mad. She told us she resented being asked as she only had a few dishes. I didn't want a confrontation so walked away. My boyfriend pursued the issue and said she needed to come help as he was sick of us doing everything. K got even madder and stormed out of the house. Half an hour later she was back in her room and her ex boyfriend H had shown up and was shouting at us that he was going to kick us out of the flat because he & K's names were still the ones on the tenancy agreement. He told us we were terrible people and were mistreating K. That made me really upset as I still considered K my friend even though I was starting to get frustrated by her. Eventually H calmed down and we got him to agree to sign the tenancy over to us at a cost of $900, but it was still cheaper than if we'd been kicked out on the street :s K decided she would move out mid November.
K also had a cat, Kitiara, who was really beautiful but had an odd personality. When you fed her, she'd growl as she ate and was aggressive towards my own 2 cats.
Kitiara was really the problem. K got a new boyfriend shortly after we moved in, and would be away from the flat most weekends, without letting us know or arranging any food for her cat. Weekends turned into weeks at a time. I found that I was feeding 3 cats all of a sudden, and it soon became obvious that Kitiara had never been deflead or wormed, so I did this too. Kitiara was also a longhair, and when I moved in K & H told me they thought she had tumours all over her belly. I investigated and found that the 'tumours' were hard lumps of matted fur as they had never ever brushed her. It took me an hour and a half to brush and cut them out, and lots of scratches :s
The longer we were around Kitiara, the more affectionate she was with us and she no longer growled when eating. We figured out that the growling was defensive behaviour as before we came along she must not have known when and where her next meal was. I kept her groomed and she slept on my bed and got along with my cats. But I didn't know right away that she wasn't spayed!
My mum, a vet nurse, came to visit in September and told me Kitiara was pregnant. I'm a big believer in fixing my pets, mine are, and I had just assumed that Kitiara was :s By this time I was totally disillusioned with K and given her lack of care for Kitiara as I had witnessed, I felt sure that Kitiara and kittens would be a novelty to her and nothing more. I knew I'd be left with the responsibility. With my friend Fleur I decided to find Kitiara a new home as I'd read that pregnant cats often wander. Since K was never home, she'd just think she'd run away, and Kitiara would have a home where she and her kittens would get the best care and love. I had a home organised for her with Fleur's mother and she was due to pick her the next day - but then she went into labour. 4 kittens were born, 3 brown/grey tabbies and a ginger. They were tiny! K of course was not home. I called her several times over the 2 hours that Kitiara was in labour and she finally popped round for an hour before leaving again.
Because the kittens were so small and Kitiara was a REALLY petite cat already (probably stunted from not being fed when small) I was concerned about their health and read up as much as I could on keeping them warm and making sure they had everything the needed. Kitiara was really good feeding her babies.
After a week, when they should have doubled in size, they hadn't grown at all, so I rushed out to get some formula. The same day the ginger kitten died. I was so upset - K wasn't phased. I started feeding all the kittens the formula, alternating them between their mum and hourly formula feeds as my mum advised. The kittens were getting colder so I kept the room they were in nice and toasty with closed windows, a heater and a hot water bottle under their bedding which I kept reheating.
However K kept coming in and turning the heater off and opening all the windows! No matter how many times I tried to explain that she needed to leave things my way because there was something wrong and I'd gotten advice from the vets to do this, she just kept saying we didn't need the heat in there and that Kitiara would take care of themselves and that I didn't know what I was talking about. Within the next few days despite all my care the other two kittens died.
Kitiara moped for a few days but a week later I went back to my home town to visit my family and came back with another kitten, Ted, a 6 week old or thereabouts foundling who had been found on a road in bad condition. My mum's vet clinic had taken him in and nursed him back to health though he still needed a few medications. I fell head over heels in love immediately and he came back with me that weekend. Kitiara also took to him and he immediately became her replacement baby. K was around more and more infrequently. She moved out a few weeks later to live in her home town over the summer. Kitiara was left behind on the understanding that K would give me $5 per week to cover her costs, I would get her speyed and feed her and care for her and K would reclaim her when she moved back into town in January.
After K left we befriended some of the neighbours who then told us how they had seen K & H and their friends throwing Kitiara around like a ball, and that they had witnessed their friends throwing Kitiara AT things, like the wall and dropping her from heights. They also told us they'd noticed Kitiara looking for food and had fed her, and had tried to deflea her and worm her too.
I thought I had already lost all respect for K - but after hearing that, I really, truly had. I couldn't believe someone could treat their pet this way!! My cats are my BABIES. I feed them and nurture them and love them as I would any children I may someday have.
Months passed with no word from K, no $5 per week, until in January we got a deposit of $50 into our account from the ex boyfriend, H. K moved back into town and asked when she could reclaim Kitiara. We had by this time speyed Kitiara and loved her to bits, we thought of her as one of our own cats and we certainly didn't want her to go back into K's care!! We hoped she would forget about Kitiara but she kept asking so eventually we found her a new home with a lovely gentleman (I got weekly updates and they are doing soooo well together) and we told K that Kitiara had run away. This worked and K stopped asking about Kitiara.
But now K emails and texts me every week or so wanting to meet up. I really don't want to see her, I don't consider her my friend anymore and have absolutely no respect for her. I wish I could be mean to her! But that's not me, and if I encounter her, I know I will be nice to her and then kick myself later for it. I don't want to let her back in my life but I don't think I can avoid her forever. On Tuesday my friend Nicole & I (you may have seen her in some of my photoshoot FOTDS) were walking towards the supermarket that Nicole's mum works at when we spotted K across the road. Before she could see us (hopefully!) we picked up pace and made our way to the supermarket without looking back. I know it seems childish but I just didn't want to see her. I don't know how to cut her out of my life without being mean, which I don't feel I can be
Very sorry about the long story but I wanted you guys to know the back story and to understand why I don't want to be her friend and what it's been like :s
