I had an epiphany tonight...

[MAC_Pixie04]

So, I've never really been the kind of girl who's had great self esteem/self worth. It may seem like it, but it's something I've struggled with since I can remember. And when I was interested in boys, it got worse. I've always struggled with my weight, and I wasn't the most feminine thing growing up, so I never felt pretty. That, or I was stuck in the "Best Friend" position with every guy I ever liked. So I tried to "girl up" a little and see where it landed me. As it turned out, most guys only wanted me for sex, not because I'm particularly physically attractive, but because I wasn't easy. I guess they figured if they could get me they could anyone.

And years go by of this, and I get into this relationship, my current one. My first REAL relationship. And at first I was skeptical, since I'd been burned by guys in the past I had to try and figure this one out because being someone's girlfriend was foreign territory to me. I kept asking myself, "What does he want? What makes him different from the others?" And then I realized that I was blocking myself. I wasn't allowing myself to be genuinely cared for and desired.

And I don't feel it anymore. It's finally sunk in that he loves me for me. And it feels so good to just be loved and cared about. When he looks at me I don't care if my hair is messed up or if I have a huge pimple, because I know he doesn't care either. And when he touches me, I don't try to hide my belly or squeeze my thick legs together, because I know that to him they're a part of what make me beautiful. And when he tells me he loves me I know he means it. And it feels really good to hear and feel. And I'm finally allowing myself to let him. And it just feels so damn great, I could cry.

Pardon my rambling, but I had to tell the world, because feeling this good is hard to contain.

 

[Another Janice!]

Other than holding your newborn baby, that is most definately one of the best feelings in the world.


And he won't open your mail! =)

 

[sheaspearl83]

A Long Time Coming....

I know it feels good...I stayed in a relationship that was worthless for so long and accepted many things that were totally unreal and then one day, along comes someone who listens and waits for me to escape... I brought so much baggage into the relationship, questioning his motives and true desires...Finally, one day, I, too, realized..."Ok, girl, he loves you, you're his world, and you need to face it!". Being loved by the man I lay beside every night, knowing he comes home because he wants too and not just because he has too, is a true joy! Sometimes, I even grab his tshirt or dress shirt, instead of a sexy night gown trying to cover up things and it drives him WILD!

 

[kaliraksha]

I'm so sorry I ever missed this post! That is a wonderful feeling and I know exactly what you mean... it takes a good one to really open you up =)

 

[giz2000]

Awww....that's very sweet!!! Enjoy!

 

[medusalox]

For some reason, what you wrote made me cry those warm fuzzy happy tears. I need to go call my boyfriend and tell him that I love him.

thank you!

 

[..kels*]

awe that's awesome! i'm happy for you.

 

[uberlicious]

That's great! I'm glad you're happy and feeling good about yourself

 

[xbeatofangelx]

<3 <3 happy sighs!

 

[LMcConnell18]

go you!
lol its good that you are able to coach urself like this... most girls with this problem are stuck in that situation!
so happy for you!!

 

[queenofdisaster]

i got the warm fuzzy happy tears too... i am so happy for you. it's a great feeling isn't it? enjoy it <33333

 

[XsMom21]

Wow, we have a lot in common, sweetie. I too grew up with a major weight problem. I always tried to compensate by being more like the guys I liked. I thought "If I'm just like one of the boys, at least he'll talk to me." Top that off with not one, but two deadbeat dads and my older brother dying when I was 8, and you have the recipe for a woman with major trust issues when it comes to men.

When I started singing professionally when I was 18, a lot of guys tried to "get with me" just because I was popular locally. I indulged, I won't lie, especially with the captain of my high school swim team (oh yea), but when I met my husband, I had to do a lot of soul searching before I could trust him not to leave me.

It took a long time, but he stuck with me through it, and it sounds like you have a man who will do the same. We're a couple of the lucky ones.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Quote:

Originally Posted by XsMom21 Wow, we have a lot in common, sweetie. I too grew up with a major weight problem. I always tried to compensate by being more like the guys I liked. I thought "If I'm just like one of the boys, at least he'll talk to me." Top that off with not one, but two deadbeat dads and my older brother dying when I was 8, and you have the recipe for a woman with major trust issues when it comes to men. When I started singing professionally when I was 18, a lot of guys tried to "get with me" just because I was popular locally. I indulged, I won't lie, especially with the captain of my high school swim team (oh yea), but when I met my husband, I had to do a lot of soul searching before I could trust him not to leave me. It took a long time, but he stuck with me through it, and it sounds like you have a man who will do the same. We're a couple of the lucky ones.

That's something I'm trying to encourage a couple of my friends to do. They're soulsearching, but they're going about it in dangerous ways (super risky behavior if I might say). I hope everybody gets to find something great, even if it takes a really long time to find it.

 

[Moppit]

I'm truly very happy for you! What a great feeling that must be, so enjoy every minute.