"i Hate Online Relationships!" ... Uhoh D:

[BloodMittens]

Okay... so this is probably the WEIRDEST thing ever. For ME anyways.

I really have a low interest in online/long distance relationships... I think 95.9% of them do not work out, or end badly. I have based myself to never get into one of these relationships. I have never been interested in anyone online, nor anyone more than 100 miles away from me for that reason... until now it seems.

This must be someone's idea of a horrible joke D: I can hardly think straight right now because I am SCARED... SCARED and for what? I'm not quite sure. I'm scared, worried, I feel like I'm losing my damned mind, and for some odd reason I feel disgustingly smitten.

I met this guy in a chat room months ago, we became friends basically right away, we have a good amount of things in common and I thought he was a funny guy, so we exchanged MSN addys. I confided in him the problems I was dealing with since my ex left me, and how the dating world was... how I liked some guys but at the same time didn't. And how I was scared to move on, but wanted to at the same time. I figured out I wasn't truly in love with my ex... and we both held some closure for that. He was always kind, and helped me out, and in the same aspect I helped him out with him and his liking of this one girl who he had been in love with FOREVER.

Everything in my life was going pretty well, christmas was coming, I was happy being single FINALLY and getting slowly happier with myself. I made some great new friends to keep away from my old ones who were abusing and racist. I felt myself pulling together and I was extremely proud and happy with myself, hell, I still AM.

And then two days ago I messaged my friend online and was talking with him about my grandmother being in the hospital and how she didn't have much time to live they said. And in the course of about 24 hours, talking on and off with him about just stupid crap... I figured out something completely and UTTERLY confusing and strange.

I completely, utterly and weirdly... liked this guy. A LOT. Like... WAY more than any of my other boyfriends or any significant other I have had. I had always thought he was cute and such but felt a little weird about thinking him physically attractive because he's shorter than me and most of the time I'm NOT attracted to that at ALL.

Anyways... I felt really confused for a bit... but being someone who isn't used to waiting around for people to tell me things... was about to tell him I liked him. And then he told me he liked me D:

One problem. HE LIVES 1,060MILES AWAY D:

It's not that I'm not a big girl, and that I can't get a plane ticket and go and see him. But it's just so weird. We've talked since then, and it seems every text/im/phone call I receive I seem to like him more and MORE. I have never been in this kind of relationship... so it's very odd and new to me. Nor have I ever... EVER liked someone this much D: Especially in such a short period of TIME.

Can anyone give me any advice? Thoughts? ROADS TO LEAD ME TO!?! D:

/rant

 

[FiestyFemme]

Honestly, I would say don't be distrustful of it, even if it did happen quickly.
I've never been able to understand suddenly falling for someone you've known a long time. I always thought if you were going to be attracted to someone, you would be right off the bat, you know? I was absolutely against it... until it happened to me.
Like you, it was very unexpected. We went out once because he was trying to cheer me up after the last guy I dated screwed me over, and then the next thing I knew, we were going out every weekend since. I wouldn't even admit it to myself that I liked him for awhile, but I'm telling you, it has been great.
Now granted this isn't a LDR, but the one I was in previously was. He was 1,000 miles away too, and it could've worked. We talked all day long... txting, IM'ing, phone calls. It takes work, but you can do it. I never saw myself as the LDR person either, but if it's the right person, you can make it work. Plus, it just makes it better when you finally get to be with that person.
Hang in there, see where it goes. Don't write it off just because it's long-distance. You just never know. Good luck!

 

[AvantGardeDoll]

Long distance relationships can work if you're mature enough to handle it, in my opinion. It's the same maturity that people need to make any relationship work, but most people don't have that. I was separated from my boyfriend (now husband) after only dating for 6 months for 2 years because my parents would not allow it. We couldn't risk seeing each other because my parents had threatened him and his family to call immigration on them if we were ever caught talking. We lived a double life and we could ONLY talk online (not even by phone because they would monitor who I was talking to). These online relationships can be a little stressful because, if you're anything like me, you want to talk to them as much as possible because it's the only way to "be together/close" and if something comes up for one or the other, it would make me sad. You have to have tons of patience, be truly understanding and be able to respect one another, even when you disagree on something. The key to any relationship is communication (everyone says "yeah yeah yeah, we know" but I cannot stress it enough) and in this case, communication is ALL you will have. If you think you can handle it, then go for it. There will always be a possibility.

 

[User93]

I don't think we can give you much of advice here, simple because we can't tell you to like this guy or no, to fall in love with him or no, to go for it or no. You should let your heart decide, cause honestly, when you start really feeling for a person, nothing can stop you much, and well, it just happends.

Lond Distance relationship IS really difficult, no doubt about it. But your line about 95.9% of it ending badly hit me a little bit too. NutMeg said in one post: considering that you get married once or twice in your life, most of the relationship end badly, no matter if the guy lives next street or miles away. If you put the effort in it from both sides, it all can work out. In most cases its not the question like "do I wanna be in a long distance relationship or its too much and I gotta look for something else" but "if I wanna be with this very person no matter where he is or no".

I understand you being lost, and if now already you feel you dont wanna go for it, try to stay just friendds with this guy, and look for love somewhere closer. Also, you guys can just go on chatting and seeing where it goes. You dont have to decide anything right now, or go see him right now, you can wait, chat, talk and see what happends. Maybe even in the real life you won't like him as much.

I fell in love with my bf through internet, and I was very confused, because never ever before a guy made me feel even close to how he did, it was tough, very confusing, and he lives very very far away. But all I know is that he is the best, and I gladly gonna take all that, because I love him.

Good luck for you no matter what you decide, I remember your posts about your ex, you girl deserve to be treted the hight way and to be in a healthy relationship finally. If you feel it gonna end bad, dont go for it. Just follow your heart and dont rush.

 

[NutMeg]

Alibi, I was going to say it again but you beat me too it.

Anyway, it's really true. Most of your relationships will not work out, regardless of distance. But to go into it thinking that it's doomed isn't a great way to start. Does that mean you can handle a long distance relationship? Not necessarily, but that's not a decision you have to make now. Maybe you'll start to fall in love and you won't be able to handle it, and you'll get your heart broken. Is that the end of the world? Are you going to weigh the possibility of getting hurt vs how you feel about the person every time you have feelings for someone?

Don't panic. If he's the right person, it will work out. And work out might mean you have a good relationship for a few years and learn stuff from each other and then fall out of love. It might mean he's the one for you, and maybe it won't work out at all. You don't have to choose now, you don't have to know now. Just live your live and make what you think are the best choices day by day, and things will work out.

 

[TISH1124]

Not gonna give advice because every situation is different....However, I originally met my dh online...fell in love with him offline...and we have been happily married for 2 years now and together for 4+.....So hummmm It does happen...
A stranger is a stranger whether you meet him online, at the grocery etc....there is a get to know period no matter where you meet them.

 

[Brittni]

To deny yourself feelings of happiness that this guy seems to give you would just be silly in my opinion. If you go for it, go 110%. I think meeting people online is actually better because it builds a great foundation of truly getting to know the person (liking them for who they are and not lusting over them physically etc)

 

[BloodMittens]

Thank you everyone! I read everyone's advice and really thought about it for a long time. There's no reason why I should be denying or even trying to ignore my feelings for someone just because they're far away. I'm not 14 anymore and there are amazing possibilities for us to meet and actually get to know each other besides in any online relationship... and his views are much like mine on the subject. He's never really liked anyone online this much until I came around... so why throw them away?

:3 So we're gonna try and meet in May during a convention I go to every year and if everything goes well I'll be going where he lives two months later for his birthday.

I guess before I was just really scared to try something THIS different in the course of my life... but in all reality... it's totally worth it.

<3

 

[MissMochaXOXO]

to be honest i think u need to be careful. its very, very easy to ''fall'' for someone u only type with. meet him for sure b4 u fall too deep. ur not experiencing who he really is through typing only, even though it may feel that way.