I have no idea whats going on..:(

[xmrsvindieselx]

ok so I met this great guy Doug through my best friend. We have been hanging out for a while now and he finally made a move on me ..lol he kissed me on my forehead and from then on, our well..sexual relationship has increasedd.. ( PLEASEEE dont school me on having sex with him if hes not my boyfriend.. ) but yeah we had sex once and this was AFTER he started acting very affectionate and sweet. He seems like he really does care and isnt using me for sex or anything since hes not really getting it from me anywayyy hahahaha.. but he never asked me out. I guess you can say we are together, but he never asked me to be his girlfriend..so i dont know what happening.. and to make it even worse he has about like 7229292 billion little hoes messaging him on myspace telling him they want to do ..well sexual things with him .. but they dont put it so nice..and i hate to say im jealous since we arent "dating" but I am..Am i totally wrong for being jealous?? and what do i do about the relationship..we act like we are dating and everything..I'm just technically not his girlfriend sindce he never asked..should I wait and see? because there is noooo way i can approach him about it..Im a chickkkkkkkennnnn!!

sorry this was soooo long .. i soo needed to vent and need advice..I really wanna be with him..and dont want to wait until theres no more chances..

 

[Eoraptor]

I'm sorry things aren't going more easily for you.

But I think you know what your mistake was and what you have to do to fix things, because you warned us against bringing up both of them! One of the reasons establishing a relationship prior to sex is a good idea is so that you can avoid the jealousy involved in an ambiguously open relationship. And you have to make some sort of move if you want to be his official girlfriend, unless you plan to wait for him to do it, which might not happen. But it doesn't have to be direct. You could mention it in passing and see how he reacts ("My other boyfriends never did ___ like you..." etc.). Then again, I've had terrible luck with relationships, so my advice could be worthless.

Hope things work out.

 

[Bre]

I don't think you need to check to see if he's your b'f. If you enjoy hanging out with him in what ever capacity that may be and he does you then what's the problem. Being someones b'f or g'f is more then a title, my advice is to just cruise along as you have been and see what happens. Chances are you get more comfortable and intimate with each other and it will all just happen naturally.

As for the jealousy thing, I think you are entitiled to feel a little that way given his cyber encounters, does he respond to them? Chances are he's not if he's telling you about them. Be careful not to let your jealousy get in the way of the relationship or make it too obvious though cause it's a relationship killer

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

thanks so much.. I try NOT to be jealous.. I really do !! loll but its so hard when his ex girlfriend is leaving him comments saying how much she loves him and keeps begging him to come to a party with her.. he has told her no numerous times ..but she wont leave him aloneeee ..and it kills me ..she tell him to call her so she can hear his voice and everything.. but yeah i need to get over it lol

and i guess you are right about the whole g/f and b/f just being a title.. i mean we are together all the time.. and yeah i guess if he didnt like me then we wouldnt be hanging out..

this makes me feel sooo much betterrr !! thanks both of you!!!!!

 

[Shimmer]

Maybe you guys should have a "talk" (dun dun DUUUUUNNNNN) about exclusivity?

 

[little teaser]

well you just need to have a talk to see where you stand with him and if he only wants to remain friends with benefits then you need to ask your self can you remain just that with out haveing emotions get in the way cause unless you are exclusive you risk geting hurt if you start to have feelings and he dont

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

ughhh that horrible 4 letter word!! hahaha I dont know why but I cant talk to him about it.. I was hoping HE would bring it up haha..im so bad

 

[little teaser]

well just ask him where is this going are we friends with benefits or do you see that it could be more because if you dont and he sees other people or sleeps with them you are gonna feel used and if your NOT exclusive and he is sleeping with other people tell him you need to know so you can protect yourself from diease untill you know please use protection

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by little teaser if your NOT exclusive and he is sleeping with other people tell him you need to know so you can protect yourself from diease untill you know please use protection

So very true...please take care of yourself...no matter what you do sexually with him...

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by giz2000 So very true...please take care of yourself...no matter what you do sexually with him...

absolutely.. I made him get tested too haha.. but i need to be safe.. we always use condoms.and i dont want him to think he can just sleep around because im not his "official" girlfriend or whatever. Even though i dont know if he feels that way. ughhh.. :-/ I guess we have to have a talk

 

[Katura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmrsvindieselx I guess we have to have a talk

Yep yep, time for a talk. It's awesome that you found a great guy! But at the same time, you dont want to be in the situation where your feeling are building and building and he doesnt think it's that serious. I think you're jealousy is totally normal too *I get jealous over much less...haha* So I'd just talk to him, maybe be a little assertive about it.

Gooluck honey! I'm sure he's just as interested as you are!

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmrsvindieselx absolutely.. I made him get tested too haha.. but i need to be safe.. we always use condoms.and i dont want him to think he can just sleep around because im not his "official" girlfriend or whatever. Even though i dont know if he feels that way. ughhh.. :-/ I guess we have to have a talk

Wow DeJaVu...

Not to criticize... But I really hate when girls get themselves into relationships like these (self included). My BFF went through the SAME thing a year ago. SHE was basically in a comitted relationship to this guy (he wasn't comitted to her), but according to him, they were not a couple. They acted totally couply, went on dates, went out to dinner, confided deep emotional topics in each other, etc. But because they weren't an official couple, he hooked up with other girls whenever he felt like it.

This of course broke her heart everytime it happened. But she kept going back to him time and time again, because she kept hoping that eventually he would wake up and realise that she was his soulmate, and they would live happily ever after.

They were in all actuality a couple. I know a couple when I see one. But because it wasn't "exclusive" he slept around. I remember asking him one day during this HUGE dramafest over the final time she caught him cheating and the whole thing blew up about why he did it. And his reaponse was, "I thought she was stronger emotionally and could handle it. She knew it was an open relationship."

My advice. Dont act like a couple, if your not a couple. Your going to get way too emotionally involved, and he's just going to hurt you. If you wanna hook up, thats fine. I've had fun with friends I wasn't in a comitted relationship with. But as soon as you start thinking you can make him your boyfriend, is the moment your going to get hurt when he cheats on you. Your already emotionally involved on some level, else you woulnd't be getting jealous.

FYI, I'm guilty of the same... I think we've all been there done that at some point in the dating game...

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae Wow DeJaVu... Not to criticize... But I really hate when girls get themselves into relationships like these (self included). My BFF went through the SAME thing a year ago. SHE was basically in a comitted relationship to this guy (he wasn't comitted to her), but according to him, they were not a couple. They acted totally couply, went on dates, went out to dinner, confided deep emotional topics in each other, etc. But because they weren't an official couple, he hooked up with other girls whenever he felt like it. This of course broke her heart everytime it happened. But she kept going back to him time and time again, because she kept hoping that eventually he would wake up and realise that she was his soulmate, and they would live happily ever after. They were in all actuality a couple. I know a couple when I see one. But because it wasn't "exclusive" he slept around. I remember asking him one day during this HUGE dramafest over the final time she caught him cheating and the whole thing blew up about why he did it. And his reaponse was, "I thought she was stronger emotionally and could handle it. She knew it was an open relationship." My advice. Dont act like a couple, if your not a couple. Your going to get way too emotionally involved, and he's just going to hurt you. If you wanna hook up, thats fine. I've had fun with friends I wasn't in a comitted relationship with. But as soon as you start thinking you can make him your boyfriend, is the moment your going to get hurt when he cheats on you. Your already emotionally involved on some level, else you woulnd't be getting jealous. FYI, I'm guilty of the same... I think we've all been there done that at some point in the dating game...

I have to agree with RaeRae...you have to have "the talk" with him and see where you stand. If he wants to have an open relationship, and you are ok with it, then more power to you. But, if you want one thing and he wants another, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate where this is going...good luck...

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

thanks soo much.. haha so i had the courage to talk to him. and he said he wants us to be together badly and he really cares about me and likes me. But his parents are being assholes right now and school is stressing him out so he doesnt want to date. I pretty much see this as he doesnt want me even though he said we can be together and he wants me and only me.. i dont know.. what the hell? if we are together.. whats the difference between being together and being bf anf gf..?? lol

 

[aeni]

"what the hell? if we are together.. whats the difference between being together and being bf anf gf..?? lol"


if he can't commit, you must acquit. if he just wants to be "friends" and you don't, you don't have to. i can say from experience that trying to remain friends with "friends" afterwards has never worked well for me.

 

[Shimmer]

The difference is that he can sleep with whoever he wants to without guilt if you're not a couple.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer The difference is that he can sleep with whoever he wants to without guilt if you're not a couple.

QFT

Basically he's saying he only wants "geting laid" part of the relationship.

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae QFT Basically he's saying he only wants "geting laid" part of the relationship.

Yep..that's exactly what he's saying (and I have heard a lot of BS in my day, but "my parents are being assholes" as an excuse for not wanting a relationship is a new one...

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

he isnt with anyone else but me.. and he doesnt want to be with anyone else he said.. he told me he doesnt want to "date" because he doesnt want to stress me out with his stress.. i dont knoww.. like he says he wants me and only me.. but he doesnt want a relationship right now..he wants to take things slower..

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmrsvindieselx he isnt with anyone else but me.. and he doesnt want to be with anyone else he said.. he told me he doesnt want to "date" because he doesnt want to stress me out with his stress.. i dont knoww.. like he says he wants me and only me.. but he doesnt want a relationship right now..he wants to take things slower..

I say: smack him upside his head!!!!

Men...I swear....