I know I should unfriend my ex, but I need to hear why.

[HockeyChick04]

Okay ladies, I posted on another thread about my ex-boyfriend who I was so in love with until he dumped me out of the blue on Christmas day. I have now re-gained my sanity and know our relationship was falling apart and that while I was trying to glue the pieces back together he decided we weren't worth saving. I DO NOT want him back and know I can do better then him, and I know I deserve better. I have deleted him from my phone, deleted his pictures, and am ready and willing to move on and find better, sweeter, sexier guys.
The one thing I haven't been able to do is unfriend him on Facebook. I don't want him to think I hate him (For the most part I don't) or that someday when we are both in better places that speaking would be out of the question, but whenever I get lonely and start missing the good qualities he has I go and look at his page. I have to force myself not to look at it, I successfully made it to 2 weeks, but I think it would be easier to just delete him. I also just found out that my roommate who is the definition of frienemy, and has recently begun saying really hurtful mean things to me and about me to others, has been talking to my ex on Facebook. Plus, I kinda want him to be able to see when something great happens to me and if I unfriend him he wont be able to see it.
So, sorry for all the rambling, Im here to ask you ladies for assistance in unfriending my ex. Any reasons you have or can come up with as to why I need to delete him and why I'm better of without him on Facebook. Any other advice is greatly appreciated as well.... Thank you lovely ladies!

*i know I spelled here instead of hear in the title, I just was typing fast and didn't see it. Sorry, I fixed it.

 

[obscuria]

You should just delete all contact with him, including on facebook. I feel it's better for you to move on in this form because it seems that when you get lonely, you still have this attachment to him. Which may be why you go to his facebook page and whatnot.

Also, if you know that your "friend" is hitting on him, I don't really see the point in being able to check what she is saying and whatnot. It'll only build feelings of resentment. I also think you should stop being friends with this person, but that's another story.

Right now I think the only reason you are holding off from cutting off all contact with him is this hope that maybe he'll realize that he shouldn't have broken up with you. And while that is nice to think about, it is also unlikely. You don't need that validation. You will find someone infinitely better and worthy of you.

From what you said, it's not like you would get back together with him even if he did anyway.

 

[Meisje]

Be prepared for your frenemy roomie to pursue your ex. Sounds like that's where this is headed.

You should unfriend him because it's healthier for you. You won't be able to look at his information. It will keep you from dwelling and it will definitely prevent you from trying to analyze things people write to him.

Logically speaking, if you really want him to see great things that happen to you, write it on the wall of a common friend whom you are sure he communicates with on a regular basis. I have disassembled your excuse! <3

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Re: I know I should unfriend my ex, but I need to here why.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HockeyChick04 Okay ladies, I posted on another thread about my ex-boyfriend who I was so in love with until he dumped me out of the blue on Christmas day. I have now re-gained my sanity and know our relationship was falling apart and that while I was trying to glue the pieces back together he decided we weren't worth saving. I DO NOT want him back and know I can do better then him, and I know I deserve better. I have deleted him from my phone, deleted his pictures, and am ready and willing to move on and find better, sweeter, sexier guys. The one thing I haven't been able to do is unfriend him on Facebook. I don't want him to think I hate him (For the most part I don't) or that someday when we are both in better places that speaking would be out of the question, but whenever I get lonely and start missing the good qualities he has I go and look at his page. I have to force myself not to look at it, I successfully made it to 2 weeks, but I think it would be easier to just delete him. I also just found out that my roommate who is the definition of frienemy, and has recently begun saying really hurtful mean things to me and about me to others, has been talking to my ex on Facebook. Plus, I kinda want him to be able to see when something great happens to me and if I unfriend him he wont be able to see it. So, sorry for all the rambling, Im here to ask you ladies for assistance in unfriending my ex. Any reasons you have or can come up with as to why I need to delete him and why I'm better of without him on Facebook. Any other advice is greatly appreciated as well.... Thank you lovely ladies!

Hi, so I bold the text that I wanted to talk about

First off, although he was the one to breakup with you (and on Christmas day, ugh!!

) I say congrats to you for realizing that this man was not right for you. Sometimes we get caught up with our feelings that we neglect or refuse to accept that the relationship is unhealthy. Well done! I agree that you CAN do much better than him.

Who cares what he thinks? Do you really think he cares if you hate or love him? Lol, remember he ended the relationship and clearly on not-so-good terms so do disregard his feelings just like he did yours! I think the real issue is far beyond not wanting him to dislike you. Let's keep it real. You keep him as a friend on Facebook because you want to be nosy and spy on his account/profile so that you can see what he is doing, get updated on what he's been up to, who he is dating now, etc. You want to be informed and while that may seem harmless it is actually keeping you from moving on with your life. It's bad enough that you have to 'force' yourself not to look at his profile. I do not believe you have fully moved on and it will of course take time, but keeping his as a friend on your Facebook will only have you taking 2 steps backwards, 0 steps forward. He is not a friend anymore.

Another reason you have not deleted his account is because you want him to see what you're up to as well. Which is why I don't think you should start dating again this soon, especially after a fresh breakup. You are still healing and getting over him. Rushing into a relationship will only make that next person a rebound and nothing more; it isn't beneficial. I disagree with what you wrote here "ready and willing to move on and find better, sweeter, sexier guys." No, it's not time for you yet, there is no rush. Relax...or you'll end up hurt again. Just my sincere suggestion. No need to go "find" a new man, don't go man-hunting lol. Take this time off to think of yourself. Re-evaluate what went wrong in the past relationship and make sure it does not happen again or allow it to happen again in the next one you'll be in someday. Nothing is wrong with taking a break and being alone, enjoy your own company for a bit. I know you want to keep him in your friend list so that he can see that you have a new man in your life and make him a little jealous but trust me, no need, it's better to fully let go! He does not have to see or know when something great happens to you.

You also mentioned that when you get lonely you take a look at his profile and reminisce on the good times you two shared, next time you feel lonely start to think about his bad qualities and not so much on the good. Think of how betrayed you felt, how much love you gave him and how it was not mutual/appreciated, how much he wasn't the right man for you and how he wasn't even sympathetic enough to wait to break up with you after the Holiday was over. I know that sounds hella bitter lol but it will make you realize that this man wasn't the one for you and that you do not need to dwell on what was and focus on what is. The past should be left in the past.

As for the frenemy, fuck her! Seriously, who cares. Let her flap her gums all she wants. Ignore her, pay her absolutely no mind. That is not a friend!

I hope these were good enough reasons to make you rethink deleting him from your Facebook. You already did well by deleting him off your phone, getting rid of his pictures, now it's time to delete him from the FB. You know what is best for you. I know I wrote too much but I couldn't stop lol. Good luck girl!

 

[Skin*Deep]

keeping that line open just so you can virtually "rub his nose" in it when/if something great happens in your love life seems.....crazy! and makes it about him and not about you! it needs to be about you, girl!

 

[dxgirly]

I have a lot of people on facebook as "friends" that I don't really consider friends, more that I just want to keep an eye on them because I don't trust them.

Have you ever tried "hiding" him instead the big step and insult of de-friending. Just go to the right of one of his posts and click hide, and he'll no longer be on your news feed. Nobody but you knows who's hidden or not. That way you don't have to be hurt by silly things you read about him doing. BUT you can still see what one of your friends is saying to him if they're not hidden. So that way you can keep an eye on things. Also hiding someone doesn't remove you from their feed, so you can still rub good things in his face..... unless of course he has you hidden too.


Sadly I am like the queen of facebook drama and I deal with all way to much. I currently "friends" with this girl that was trying to steal my guy over the summer. I hate her guts but keep the channel open and just hide her so I can keep an eye on her. It's hard but it's working so far.

Haha my therapist thought it was a good idea too

 

[kaliraksha]

Two things:

1) I don't have facebook but is there an ignore option? That sounds about right to me.

2) If you guys did break up on decent terms and you have other ways to find his info it might be almost the same as if you unfriended him? Such as is his info public or through a friend's account? Because if it might be just as easy to find it if you wanted, then maybe just have the willpower to not look at it anymore? I don't think that if you break up with someone you're not necessarirly their friends... I think plenty of people add acquaintances. The question is does it have the potential to cause you more harm than do you more good?

 

[Simply Elegant]

One of the good things happening to you will be that you unfriend him.

 

[Sikfrmthemirror]

ahhhh ive got that same situation going on in my life. my ex dumped me five minutes after midnight on New Years 2010 infront of people ive known for almost six years, who he befriended about three years ago, we just so happen to meet thru them sorta, anyway he kept the friends, i didnt.

and now im really lonely and i find myself talking to him still as well, even though he did a really crappy thing to me. and i know i should cut all ties, hes moving farther away from me and im hoping that distance will make me stronger. i havent deleted him from facebook and or myspace. and he comments my things and sometimes even gets all creepy on me about certain things i post, i really should just delete him but im afraid hell show up at my house asking why i deleted him hahaha. its quite the scary situation.

 

[abbyquack]

I'm sorry that he left you high and dry on Christmas, but I think that demonstrates what kind of bullet you just dodged. I can tell you haven't quite gotten over it, because you still want to rub it in his face when you end up moving on. That's not unusual; most of us when we're hurt or embarrassed by someone will want to prove that we've moved on to bigger and better things. However, I think you will be a better person if you just unfriend him and don't look back- at least not for now. Maybe one day, when you are totally over it and cool with being just friends you could re-add him.