I Need Advice: The One That Got Away

[jennyfee]

Hey Guys... I'm having relationship troubles these days and have nobody to turn to, I need an impartial advice...

Thanks for reading and answering honestly

Ok so, I've been with Guy #1 for two years this winter.I really love him, and he's a great guy, but, I don't know if I see myself with him 10 years down the road. I don't see him as the father of my children, and I don't think we would be good married together... That said, I love the time spent with him and most of the time he treats me like a queen. He's really kind and thoughtful but he can be cold and mean too... Pretty much like anybody I guess

Back in 2006 I was sorta dating this guy (Guy #2), and we were young, like 16, and he had a girlfriend and was fooling around with me, and told me he would break up with her for me but never did. So, at prom, I ditched him and never looked back.

A few weeks ago, Guy #2 emails out of the blue and tells me he's been thinking about contacting me for a long time. So, we start talking and, 2 weeks later, he takes me out to dinner. Well it was great!! So... I learned that he lives 2 hours away from me now (we used to live in the same town), and he's really taken control over his life, he's only 19 and he has an incredible job, in a high position, and making like 10X the money I make... He recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years.

And! I learned some interesting things too!He told me that the night I ditched him (at prom) was the day he had broken up with his gf, FOR ME!! and he never ever told me that! And I was so pissed that I "dumped him" before he could tell me. We went to college together after that but didnt talk and I was casually dating this guy he knew, and I thought he hated me, but he told me that it HURT HIM to see me with that guy!

So there I was, stunned!!! Well I'll skip the details, but we've been talking ever since, and he wants more. He says he has feelings for me, and I do to, what if he was the one who got away??

I'm so mad because we're really bad at timing... First HE had a gf, now I have a bf... I really dont know what to do because I love my bf but don't see a future, but I can't see myself breaking up with him...

And on the other hand I really like this guy and he brought back all those feelings that I had for him... and I would so love to move to the town he lives in, I wouldnt mind at all... He keeps joking that he's got a room ready for me and alll....

BTW my bf knows about him, that he took me out to dinner, but he knows nothing about this whole feelings thing...

WHAT SHOULD I DO???????????

I keep thinking about him... and i don't know what to tell him!!!

I need your wise advice guys!!! I know I'll get it cuz

!!

Luve, J.

xxxxx

 

[Shimmer]

You'll build it up to be a lot better in your mind than it will really be, more than likely.
If you're willing to take the chance, make a clean break and start fresh.

 

[banjobama]

You don't want to go out with a guy who will fool around with other girls while he's in a relationship. If he did it FOR you he'll do it TO you. Plus how do you know he really broke up with his girlfriend that night? Shady.

Break up with your boyfriend if you want to date other guys but don't take guy#2 seriously.

 

[TamiChoi]

^ agreed. he might do it to you, it happens believe it or not.
things might be perfect in your mind right now, but you might regret it later.
i say, take things slow... if your feelings really start to fade for #1, then you should tell it like it is... but don't move too fast.

 

[jennyfee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by banjobama You don't want to go out with a guy who will fool around with other girls while he's in a relationship. If he did it FOR you he'll do it TO you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TamiChoi ^ agreed. he might do it to you, it happens believe it or not.

I also agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater" (gotta love grandma's advice

) BUT, do you think this still applies, if, when it was done, we were young and I pressured him a lot..? And that he was feeling so bad about it all that he kinda stopped seeing both of us because he didn't want to be in that situation?

Not arguing, just asking!! Thx again xxx

 

[TamiChoi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyfee I also agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater" (gotta love grandma's advice ) BUT, do you think this still applies, if, when it was done, we were young and I pressured him a lot..? And that he was feeling so bad about it all that he kinda stopped seeing both of us because he didn't want to be in that situation? Not arguing, just asking!! Thx again xxx

well one can feel guilty at one time, but i really don't know. it all depends on how much you know him. i guess you can tell by the personality. if he's serious about what he feels about you, maybe he'll be loyal to you. i guess people change in time for the better and you should probably give them a chance if you feel it in your best interest to do so. that being said, just take things slow. it's a pretty tough situation being stuck in between two people, hope everything works out for you.

 

[jennyfee]

Thanks so much for the advice!

I also forgot to mention that I've known Guy#2 for a long time, like 6 years, and that we were friends from 2002 to 2006, dated spring of 2006 and hadnt talked to each other since then.

 

[Holy Rapture]

You say you love Guy #1 but don't really see a future there. If that's how you've been feeling for long, you might as well decide on that first. Once you've decided what to do there, only then think about how to go about Guy #2 b/c anything else would be a super hasty decision for sure. It's as simple as losing attraction for one thing and gaining it for something you were attracted to sometime back

I know, easier said than done! But, don't really trust Guy #2. Take your time with Guy #1 first. G'luck anyhow!

 

[banjobama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyfee I also agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater" (gotta love grandma's advice ) BUT, do you think this still applies, if, when it was done, we were young and I pressured him a lot..? And that he was feeling so bad about it all that he kinda stopped seeing both of us because he didn't want to be in that situation? Not arguing, just asking!! Thx again xxx

I don't know. He might have straightened out since then. But to me this whole situation just sounds like you are bored with your boyfriend and this other dude comes along and seems much more romantic, nice, exciting, etc. It could be anyone. My advice is still break up with your man if you don't like him any more but don't do it because of guy#2. Hope that makes sense and best wishes whatever you decide!

 

[stacylynne]

If your not happy in your relationship, break up with him. Don't use guy #2 as an excuse.
Guy #2 is all new, even though you have know each other for years, some time in between lapsed. This #2 guy just seems like a fun guy to hang out with when your single.

If you jump from #1 guy to #2 guy you may be the 1 who ends up being alone.

If you love your b/f but you do not see a future with him, why are you with him other than comfort.

Seems like you need some time alone to see what you really want for yourself

 

[NutMeg]

This might have no relevance to the situation, but I thought I'd share it. My mum was in this situation about 25 years ago, she was in a long term relationship with guy #1 and good friends with guy #2 when guy #2 basically told her he was in love with her. She was very upset because she loved guy #1 and also cared about guy #2 as a friend, but told guy #2 that she was in a relationship and couldn't get involved. So guy #2 says fine, but we can't be friends anymore because it would be too painful. But over the next few months she kept running into guy #2 everywhere, and was really upset, and missed him a lot, and ended up realising she had feelings for him. So she talks to guy #1 (which is very important! You can't just keep the guy you're with out of the loop!) and lets him know whats going on. Guy #1 is understandebly upset, and they breakup.

Moral of the story? Guy #2 is my dad and they've been married for 23 years next spring.

Is that going to happen everytime? No. But if you think it's the right thing to do, explain things to guy #1, be kind to him, try and be single for a little while and then slowly get involved with guy #2 and see if things work out. Think thru this one before you go there, you can't unsay the things you're going to have to say.

 

[iadoremac]

I agree that if he broke up with his girl for you he might do the same to you seeing as what goes around comes around. To address the first issue if you dont see any future with you current BF by all means leave theres no point wasting your time and his but before you leave please make sure the reasons are not childish. Now as for this other guy I suggest you look before you leap. But regardless of what everyone says on here the most important thing is that you are truthful to yourself if deep down you think getting with the new guy is a good idea then do it but i think that if you thought so you wouldnt be asking us would you but then you only live once but it would suck if you throw away what you have now for something that would not last!

Good Luck

 

[jennyfee]

Thanks you guuuyyys

I agree with every single one of u guys.... I'll take my time and see what happens!!

I'll keep u informed

xxx

 

[jennyfee]

Hey guysss just wanted to give u an update on the whole situation
About Guy #1 (my bf), i realised that i was so infatuated with guy #2 that i forgot how much i love him, and i also realised i DO see a future with him...
So, i just stopped talking to guy #2 and guess what?
a week after he emailed to say he has a gf... guess he was just looking for a rebound, right?
So everything's good and it's a good thing I listened to u all!!!

J.