i'm back, haha

[kimmy]

obviously, specktra is my favourite place to ask for relationship advice because i do it a hell of alot.

there's this guy that i met, and he's in iraq right now until february (supposing they don't extend his tour.) he's real nice, and we have alot in common. he says he's single and everything, but there's this girl that seems to be very attached to him and it seems that he doesn't completely blow it off. he calls her, but he doesn't call me...but he says he wants to date me when he gets back from iraq. he's told me that i'm the perfect girl for him and blah blah. but i think they talk alot more than we do because honestly, i'm alot busier than her. she can stay up all night talking to him online or on the phone and i can't. she sends him stuff regularly, which i just don't feel the need to do...maybe i should? she always calls him "babe," which to me kind of tells me that they have probably something going on, right?

someone told me a while back (and i think it might have been a specktrette, haha!) that boys kind of throw out a net and see what they can bring in and then decide from there. so is this kind of thing normal? or am i kind of setting myself up for one of those things where he comes home and is like "hey, it was nice talking to you but this girl over here...we kind of have a thing?"

i don't know where i stand with this guy and i hate that. but i don't want to flat out ask him "what's the deal with this girl?" because i don't know that i want to get into that kind of conversation with him when he's not even here. i feel weird just trusting him and taking him on his word because i've been burned so many times before...but my bestie says i should. i just don't know though.

 

[elegant-one]

Aw Kimmy, I'd love to see you find a guy that adores you

Honestly, i would want to know where he stands in his relationship with this girl before I ever invested my emotion & time into him. Maybe at some point, you could just weave the "so, what exactly is your relationship with so & so?" into the conversation.

Wish ya the best!

 

[brianjenny17]

i think you should ask him .. if he intends on dating you when he comes back then you have every right to know if hes possibly talking to another girl as well because what if when he comes back and you start dating you find out this girl is still in his life then you would have felt that things should have been cleared up before anyone was emotionally involved. GOOD LUCK!

 

[jdechant]

Hey! Sounds like he might be throwing the net out...It sounds like he does like you, but I don't exactly know the whole situation with this other girl (seems like she is trying really hard to get his attention) Anyways, I wouldn't get too attached, but I wouldn't stop talking to him either. See what happens but don't take it too seriously until he gets back. Maybe just throw a little net out yourself..that way you are not setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

[Kayteuk]

Always follow your gut feeling. I dated a guy in the US marines, and I thought he had another girl, he kept calling her, but he completly denied it and I went against my gut feeling. But the truth was, they were together a long time while I was with him. And it broke my heart.

So before you get too attached, weigh up all the evidence, and then ask him flat out.

But IMHO i would say, not to go with this guy.

 

[TISH1124]

I personally would ask him...You have everything to gain and nothing to loose by asking. That way if this is not something or someone worth wasting your time on you can open your mind up to finding someone who is. If there is nothing going on..he should not mind you asking and probably be flattered that you asked..If he gets all defensive...then you might want to wonder why?
I personally am one of those people that call everyone baby or sweetheart which I shouldn't..But it's kind of a long time habit that has been hard to break...So it could mean nothing.

Just Ask??
The Only stupid questions are the ones that we don't ask.

 

[user79]

I personally would not try to get too close to this guy before he returns home, and then see what's up. At this point in time, it's hard to really get to know him and to see what his intentions are. Just play it cool and then see when he gets home if he's actually interested in a relationship with you, then you can get more clarity. I honestly wouldn't "hang around waiting for him" at this point because...you really don't know where you stand with him and there's no way to really find that out til he's home.

So I probably wouldn't confront him and be all like, "who's this girl? I thought you were with me...etc". I'd probably just keep loose contact with him, and see what's up when he's back. But if someone better comes along in the meantime, don't feel tied to this guy.

 

[kimmy]

thanks for all your input and advice, ladies.

i never seem to see all sides of relationship related issues until i ask about them here. i love that!

 

[kimmy]

since i feel the need to share absolutely everything with specktra, an update. the girl seems to have backed off alot, i don't know if it was at his request or if she's just loosing interest. from what i gather, there isn't anything serious between them, but she does want to see him when he gets back from iraq. he told me yesterday he wants me to wait for him, i'm not sure where that came from, but it was kind of nice to hear even though...i might not.

 

[shimmyshimmyya]

If this is someone that you are really interested in and you want to date him when he gets back, you DEFINITELY need to ask him who this girl is and where you stand. You might need to straight up ask him if he's dating both of you (which is what it sounds like). And be prepared if it doesn't turn out the way you want it.


I was in a similar situation last year. I was talking to this hot, unbelievably hot guy who lived in a different state who I was totally falling for. I had never connected so well with someone before and it seemed like he really liked me too. He wanted to come visit me, and was telling me how he was falling for me too. But I saw that he was in a relationship with some girl on Facebook (FB knows everything LOL). I asked him about it and he said it was a joke. Lo and behold. The trip to NY he was taking to see "friends" was to visit her and he didn't have the balls to tell me they were together because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. It really hurt and I hope this is something you won't have to go through.

I hope it works out for you. ^_^

 

[aleksis210]

Hmmm... I don't know Kimmy...everything seems a tiny bit strange. Maybe I am being too much of a bitch, but when he asked you "Will you wait for me?"...weren't you thinking "Why? you obviously have someone else for that"...Just keep your guard up, because like shimmy said, he could be trying to have his cake and eat it too! If I were you, I'd play along, you're no fool.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy since i feel the need to share absolutely everything with specktra, an update. the girl seems to have backed off alot, i don't know if it was at his request or if she's just loosing interest. from what i gather, there isn't anything serious between them, but she does want to see him when he gets back from iraq. he told me yesterday he wants me to wait for him, i'm not sure where that came from, but it was kind of nice to hear even though...i might not.

I think it is really great that he wants you to wait for him to return to the States...It sounds like when he gets back from Iraq he wants you to be the one waiting there for him...Ok I'm gonna cry....

But you have to admit that is the sweetest thing. Keep your options open....He may just be what you have been looking for.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aleksis210 Hmmm... I don't know Kimmy...everything seems a tiny bit strange. Maybe I am being too much of a bitch, but when he asked you "Will you wait for me?"...weren't you thinking "Why? you obviously have someone else for that"...Just keep your guard up, because like shimmy said, he could be trying to have his cake and eat it too! If I were you, I'd play along, you're no fool.

i almost asked him why, but then i figured that would ruin the moment. it wasnice to hear anyway, even if he didn't mean it haha! i think, i'll be keeping my distance still...he's gaining points, ever so slowly, but he can't really gain a whole lot of trust being a billion miles away, you know?