I'm feeling so uncomfortable and violated.

[Paramnesia]

Hey all,
I currently have a bit of a dilemma, where I'm renting at the moment I have to share a bathroom with another guy, which hasn't been a problem. He's in his 30's and we normally keep to ourselves except for tonight. Either he was drunk or stoned but he was really chatty to me, which would be fine normally but for some reason it has made me highly uncomfortable. I generally trust my instincts so I know I'm not overreacting. He invited me into his room to see his paintings (this be 9pm-ish after I got home from a bike ride) so I did and he start talking about random stuff. I eventually got away but at about 1am he decided he'd come check out my room... which I really wasn't comfortable with.

I have a problem with older guys because of stuff in my past, but I know its not that. I know I was sensing something from him (sorry if this is making no sense at all). I'm really freaked out and it has really disturbed me, I really don't feel comfortable enough to go to bed. It's 3:38am and I'm about to pass out but I feel like my personal space has been violated.

I really hope this doesn't happen again because I can't live in an environment that makes me feel so vunerable. I love where I'm renting and the people I'm renting off are awesome. Plus there is no way my mother would let me move again (I've moved 3 time in the past 2 years).

Anyway sorry to bother you all, I really needed to get that off my chest and talk to somebody... Obviously everybody I know are asleep lol.

Thanks again, everybody on here are just so lovely and I think you're all fantastic lol (no I'm not drunk either)

 

[Shimmer]

is there a lock on your room?

 

[nooeeyy]

There is nothing to do but voice your concerns and let him know that you have boundries. Regardless of whether it makes sense to him, his actions took you out of your comfort zone. I think some men may see that your nice and test how far you will let them go. Its not you, its them. But as adult you can either take control of the situation or leave it alone. I mean I know what its like to live somewhere where you feel uncomfortable and what sucks more is that your paying rent to be there. Just let him know you like your space and you dont feel comfortable with people invading that space.

 

[Paramnesia]

Yeah there is thank god. If there wasn't I wouldn't even sleep. I hate to jump to conclusions but I've learnt that you can't put anything past people, especially some guys when they've had a few drinks.

If it happens again I'm gunna mention it to the people I'm renting off, the lady is like a second mother to me. And make it clear to him I really didn't feel comfortable with his action. I hate confrontation so it'll be hard but I'm just gunna have to suck it up. At least next Thursday I'm going back home to see my family for easter.

 

[pumpkincat210]

Always trust your instincts of course. Hopefully he was just bored and curious since you share a bathroom. I wouldn't fear him just because he's in his 30s either. I'm almost there myself.
A good sign if he was drunk or stoned is that he didn't try anything with you or proposition you for anything. If you don't want any contact with him the only way you will be able to do that is if you move out.
For now i would just say hello when you see him and lock your door at all times.

 

[makeba]

go with your instincts. becuz he is in his 30s doesnt make him crazy but if you are much younger than him i could see where a fear could come over you somewhat. that time of the morning and want to see your room is not good. voice your concerns if you feel you need to. your body and your mind should be your temple. you can be cordial to him and still maintain strict boundaries. be blessed

 

[user79]

Tell him tomorrow that you would prefer if he did not come into your room unless you expressly invited him in. If he still does it, I would move.

 

[duckduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous Tell him tomorrow that you would prefer if he did not come into your room unless you expressly invited him in. If he still does it, I would move.

Agreed - also, this will probably come off far less confrontational to him than it does to you. Many guys just aren't respectful of these types of boundries, and he probably didn't even know what a violation his actions were.

That being said, I would tell him not to come in without permission, install a big huge deadbolt, and if I still couldn't/didn't feel comfortable, I would find somewhere else to live.

 

[kaneda]

Totally agree with what everyone else has said. You have to be honest with him and let him know that you weren't comfortable with him coming into your room and would prefer it if he didn't in future unless you asked him.

From your ticker, I see you're 20 - although he is in his 30s, theres no need to be scared of him. I think its a good sign that even though he was drunk that he didn't try anything on. But still express that you weren't comfortable with it. From my experience, most people don't realise how uncomfortable they can make people (especially lads!), so be honest with him asap.

hth

 

[Paramnesia]

Hey thanks all.

Next time he makes me fell uncomfortable I'll tell him. I don't assume all 30+ men are bad, it's just I don't like the way some treat me. I unfortunately get a lot of unwanted attention from older guys

 

[Beauty Mark]

I would address is now vs. later. You don't have to be aggressive or hostile, just say that you'd prefer that he only enter your room under invite only.

 

[Willa]

Something like that happened to me
I was living with a guy (threw him out after 2 months) and his friends were coming over one night.

So, I was with them during the evening in the living room but they left to go to an after hour. I went to sleep, woke up to go the the bathroom and they were back. One of his friend started to talk to me (they were high on extasy) but INTENSIVELY! So I tried to tell him that I worked the next day and went I my room.

He stayed in the living room next to my bedroom (my doors were french doors, the type you don't see cleary through) for hours! He even tried to open the door, but I had the presence of mind to lock before going back to bed.

The next morning I guess he was still high, he was after me all the time. Went back from work, STILL he was there!!!

Had to tell him very clearly that I wasnt interessed in any way and that he probably misinterpreted my words the night before and such.

Sometimes you have to be VERY clear with guys high or drunk because they can imagine some stories o_0

 

[SparklingWaves]

I get what you are saying & I will be honest here. I think he maybe leaving a door open for something to happen between you two. I would be point blank blunt with him.

I would say, "X, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea about you & I hooking up. I just live here for the time being and that's it. Do you understand what I am saying?"

He will most likely claim that he wasn't entertaining the thought either. He can go back to thinking about Lucy in the sky with Diamonds or whatever.