I'm really starting to get pissed off...LONG!

[CantAffordMAC]

I'm always having issues with friends.

I've had this one friend since like September 04. We started doing everything together. She's 2 years older than me so it was always kind of like she was the leader and I was the follower. She was kind of loose...she knew a lot of guys and was always out with somebody. We used to smoke weed and drink a lot together (whatever, we were young and stupid). She had a boyfriend around that time, and they had a lot of problems. But she stayed with him for quite some time. Her boyfriend had a friend that I began talking to and ended up losing my virginity to him.

Okay, now in 2006 she was a senior in HS, I was a junior. She found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend in the springtime. Her and her boyfriend were always on/off, he would hit her all the time, cheat on her, etc. But they had the baby in Jan. 2007. Okay now that was all fine, whatever. For the past year, I have only seen her maybe 4 or 5 times. Neither one of us drive, so we never have a chance to just hang out alone.

So she's always calling me telling me she misses me and I'm her best fried, and I'm the babies' Godmother, blah blah blah. She always wants me to come over, and if I come over, then I'll be with my boyfriend since I don't drive. plus, he's my boyfriend and I usually want him with me.

So they just had a birthday party for her son. My friend brought her younger sister, and like 4 other people. Then her baby's father had a lot of guy friends over. Then the guy I lost my virginity to and his gf came over. So me and my boyfriend are sitting on the couch for like 2 hours, kind of bored. We don't know anyone and the people I know, I didn't want to talk to obviously. So my friend decides to go to the liquor store with almost everyone else in the house. After everyone went to the liquor store it was only like me and my bf, and like 5 other people. I didn't understand why 14 people all went to the liquor store together.

Okay so they come back from the store. My friend comes to talk to me and my bf for like 1 minute, then goes back to what she was doing. It was soooo boring, me and my boyfriend were talking amongst ourselves. Then like 8 or 9 people (almost the whole "party") went into the bedroom (including my friend) to smoke weed.
1)Why are you ALL smoking at your 1 year olds birthday? Like its okay to do that in moderation, but don't you think somebody should be responsible enough not to do that?
2)I'm wondering why everyone went in there as if they needed to hide it. It wasn't that serious. They are so weird. I'm not sure if she thought I wouldn't want to be around the guy I lost my virginity to, and thats why she was acting weird?? She usually doesn't though--everyone is over that, it happened almost 3 years ago. I don't even care about him, I just feel as though my boyfriend puts up with a lot. He could've gotten upset with the fact that the guy I lost my V to was in the same room/house as we were, but he didnt. I don't like being around the guy, because I feel as though thats disrespectful to my bf. But i can't see that being a reason that my friend would act funny.

So my friend comes back out like 10 minutes later and tries to come talk to me. She acts so dumb when she's high/drunk and I hate being around her because she likes to show off. I told her we were about to leave. then she left again. So while she was in the room I grabbed my jacket and we left without telling her shit. Its pretty obvious that she doesn't care about it, because she hasn't called me since. But the night before the party she was calling me and begging me to come. At the party she was more interested in one of her new friends and another girl that she used to always talk about. but supposedly I'm your best friend and you love me and miss me so much right?

I'm getting tired of her. Like she is my best friend and she is like the closest to me, and I like her the most. But the way she acts pisses me off, because this isn't the first time. She ALWAYS shows off, shes ALWAYS high or drunk, shes ALWAYS ignoring me when I make an effort to go see her. I could've been out that day. i didn't have to be at that shitty ass apartment. If the tables were turned and she was in a place where she didn't know/like anyone but I did, she would be in my ass the whole time. She hasn't had a job in forever, she gets unemployment (which she spends on getting her hair/nails done), she goes out all the time with her "new friends" and she is always smoking or drinking. I don't even mind that, because I would probably do it on occasion. but she does it all the time and she always acts stupid afterwards.

I think the next time I talk to her I'm going to end up cursing her out. Because she always does this shit and theres no excuse for it. And if she was my friend than I don't think she'd be doing stuff like this.

Any advice? or comments? Or advice on what to do or say to her? thanks

 

[prettysecrets]

1st thing- why is there alcohol at a KIDS birthday party...

2nd, she sounds like she hasnt grown up and shes still in high school mode and maybe shes just not a friend worth having anymore.

 

[MACATTAK]

If you feel this friendship is worth keeping, talk to her about the issues. If you don't, just move on. You'll never be able to change her if she wants to do all these things, but bring it to her attention and see what she does from there.

 

[SparklingWaves]

Your friend thinks she is a carefree party girl. It sounds like a lot of these people were there to party (to do drugs). When 14 people leave together, I think they are going off to do drugs and not just get alcohol.

You have moved on in more ways than you realize. You have matured. Your friend hasn't, because she has never given up drugs. Drugs prevent people from maturing mentally.

You are healthier and wiser than your friend. You aren't a follower. Actually, she is the one that is a follower. She is doing what her group wants to do.

It's time to move on from her. She isn't a healthy person to be around. She isn't raising her child well.

You will miss nothing by not being around her. She is destroying her future and possibly her child's. She is being selfish in regard to her child's needs. She needs to straighten up and get rid of the drugs and the friends that do that stuff.

I have known people who raised their children around drugs and then their children get addicted to drugs. Their children grow up to have no respect for their parents and the parents act clueless how this all happened.

Simply put - You don't have anything in common except your past now. It's time to let this bird fly. She is going no where, but down.

 

[Willa]

It seems that your friend is immature...
She's acting like someone who's afraid to miss every opportunity party.

I've met people doing the exact same thing, but in their 30's!
4-5 years ago it was very popular to go out in clubs and after hours. A guy I met at my job (no love/sex involved, just friends) was always doing that. He just lost his ex in an accident and because of that his 2 kids had to move in with him. But he lived in a small apartment he was sharing with his cousin... They were always partying!!!! And during that time he was sending his kids to his parents, or put them asleep in the next room and continue doing weird stuff.

I stopped seing him because I didnt like the way he acted. I saw him last year and he changed a little, but not that much. Had another kid with another girl, and changed girlfriend again and the moved together in ANOTHER small apartment.

I hate to see that kids are raised that way...

So, I guess you should take some time for yourself.
You could take on the phone/write emails to your friend, but do you honestly need someone like that around you?

People are strange
Some of them can't moderate when it comes to partying.
It's ok to drink with people, laught, have fun, smoke a joint too! But could you not do that in front of your kids?

 

[Divinity]

Your friend needs to grow up. She needs to step it up and be a frickin' mother. I agree with an earlier post, if you want her friendship talk to her and hope she will be a big girl about it, or move on.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Sounds to me like your friend is completely irresponsible. Personally, I try to keep my distance from people who engage in activities that I do not agree with, because i do not want to get sucked into their bad habits nor do I want to be involved/associated with such things.

Obviously you have known this girl for a while so you know her tendencies and such. Could it be possibly you have outgrown her? If thats the case then distance yourself and leave it at that. I wouldn't want a friend like that and you deserve better.

 

[mommymac]

Your friend probably stopped growing up the minute she became pregnant, she may feel like she's lost 2 years of her youth and instead of facing her responsibility she's trying to stay in her youth. Some people come in your life for just a season and it's over, for whatever reason she became one of you closest friends does not mean she has to remain in the role, she can be a friend without you having to subject yourself or any of your current friends to her way of life, not everyone we deem "best friend" will have that title forever. Like Kenny Roger's says "you got to know when to walk away".

 

[Evey]

yeah she's immature and STUPID for continuing to do this childish bullshit around her child.

You don't need to be around people like that. People like her say those things to everyone because they use people when they have no one else to go to.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm just going to tell her that I don't appreciate the fact that she's always leaving me or ignoring her. Like I said, this happened from the beginning of our friendship, she would do it occasionally but I usually forgave her. there has been times in the past where I stopped talking to her before and that was my choice. but we always began talking again.

I'm just going to let her know then. But for the meantime I am not calling her. I don't feel the need to--she invited me over there and we spent most of our day there being bored, and when i left she didn't even have the decency to call me or anything. It will be sad if she can't learn how to be a good friend to me, but right now I'm more mad than anything. After all the fights that her and her boyfriend had, she called me. When he beat her ass while she was pregnant, she called me, and cried for 3 hours to me. I was always there for her, no matter what. And the fact that she keeps hanging out with these people that have done shit to her or talked about her is sad. She will ignore me for them. But act like she's not ignoring me. And when I confront her about why is she talking to these people, theres always an excuse.

 

[nunu]

I really think you should forget her, if it's a friendship worth keeping you wouldn't question being in it. From experience i found that people who you know deep down that you don't want to lose you argue with them (and try and make your points across to them to salvage the friendship) and try to convince them that you need to be friends, if from the start you feel like "whatever" when it comes to thinking about them then there is no point keeping them as friends because people who you care about are the people who are in your eyes worth argueing for. I hope what i said makes sense!

You are clearly more mature and responsible than she is. People learn from mistakes and grow up but obviously she hasn't.

 

[Girl about town]

i had my son quite young but i would never put my partying before him. I still like a good night out but would never want my kid to see me drunk or out of my face it just reeks of immaturity. I couldn't be friends with someone who smokes drugs etc around their child its pathetic!!! x

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nunu I really think you should forget her, if it's a friendship worth keeping you wouldn't question being in it. From experience i found that people who you know deep down that you don't want to lose you argue with them (and try and make your points across to them to salvage the friendship) and try to convince them that you need to be friends, if from the start you feel like "whatever" when it comes to thinking about them then there is no point keeping them as friends because people who you care about are the people who are in your eyes worth argueing for. I hope what i said makes sense! You are clearly more mature and responsible than she is. People learn from mistakes and grow up but obviously she hasn't.

I know what you mean. Thats the thing: in the past, we've always gone back to being friends because I felt as though I wanted to keep her as one. But now its like, I'm fed up. I really would hope that we could continue the friendship, or maybe someday when she grows up we could be closer again. Its like I don't want to totally break it off with her. But whats the point in being friends with somebody that you talk to on the phone but don't want to be with in person because she's always leaving you.

I think that I'm afraid to end the friendship because I really don't have any friends. I really don't. She was like, one of 2. I dont know...

 

[nunu]

Just leave it for a while and don't contact her till she does. If she says to you why you haven't been intouch with her then just be honest and say that you really felt uncomfortable and left out in the party and that you don't appreciate that kind of behaviour.

 

[Babylard]

alchohol at a kiddy's party? Wat the fck.. lol and I'm only 19 but yeah I think that's absolutely irresponsible.... X_x

I can totally relate to you on what its like to not have many good friends. I have "friends" but not good friends that I can rely on.

I agree with the girls here on how you are more mature and responsible than she is. She sounds like a lot of people I know.. minus the kid... and I suppose it's a phase that everyone goes through. Some take longer than others unfortunately... although it makes you wonder if being a mother would force her to change her ways.

Regarding your longterm relationship with her:
It sounds like you are pretty fed up with her. If I were you, I'd just cut her out of my life. On a regular basis, people like that can only destroy you. However, I'm not you and you probably care about her so why not have a one on one chat with her? Point out your feelings about her and how she always ditches you. I see that you still value your friendship with her. Put your friendship on the line and have a talk with her.

That's one of my major annoyances: friends that leave you... how many times has my roomate "friend" ditched me or threatened to leave me in the supermarket or something... :T

Good luck
<3 Anna

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babylard alchohol at a kiddy's party? Wat the fck.. lol and I'm only 19 but yeah I think that's absolutely irresponsible.... X_x I can totally relate to you on what its like to not have many good friends. I have "friends" but not good friends that I can rely on. I agree with the girls here on how you are more mature and responsible than she is. She sounds like a lot of people I know.. minus the kid... and I suppose it's a phase that everyone goes through. Some take longer than others unfortunately... although it makes you wonder if being a mother would force her to change her ways. Regarding your longterm relationship with her: It sounds like you are pretty fed up with her. If I were you, I'd just cut her out of my life. On a regular basis, people like that can only destroy you. However, I'm not you and you probably care about her so why not have a one on one chat with her? Point out your feelings about her and how she always ditches you. I see that you still value your friendship with her. Put your friendship on the line and have a talk with her. That's one of my major annoyances: friends that leave you... how many times has my roomate "friend" ditched me or threatened to leave me in the supermarket or something... :T Good luck <3 Anna

Just to be clear, it was a party for her 1 y/o but he was the only baby there. And then one more kid came. It seemed more like a get together for people to drink and watch football.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Talk to her when she isn't going out. That's my only advice. You're less likely to be that angry with her. Cussing her out is going to do no one any good, unless you really want to end the friendship like that.

She sounds like she's toxic or becoming that way... If you want to keep her in your life somewhat, I'd maybe limit your time with her and keep things a little more on the superficial level.

If it makes you feel any better, friendships are constantly changing. One of my good friends now and I went through a period where she was really, really toxic. She did grow out of it, and we're closer than ever

 

[xmrsvindieselx]

I HAD a friend who was the same way. We were best friends for quite a while, and when she had her son, she would ALWAYS put partying,guys, drinking, and drugs before him. I ended up watching him all the time, because I was afraid she was going to let some random people watch him and lord knows what could of happened.

but after a while, I realized that no matter how many times i talk to her or try and stop her, SHE needs to stop herself. No one can make her stop.

SHE needs to realize that she has a baby.
SHE needs to take care of the baby. and
SHE needs to grow up and take responsibility for her actions.

and by the way, age doesn't mean anything.
I know people who have had children young,
and can care for them 100%.
and then theres my ex-friend.
shes 26 and she still thinks she is 18.

 

[Kuuipo]

I would have made an anonymous call to Child Protective Services, so they can see what the situation is. A few weeks ago in Honolulu there was a partying young mother whose two year old was thrown off an overpass and fell on the highway below where it was run over by two cars.
When a mother is drunk,stoned,etc, she "forgets:" safety precautions for the child.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

wow. Thats a shame.

I don't know about calling child protective services. Though its probably the best thing.

She has been ignoring me ever since the party. Hey, shes making it easier for me. I'm done. I'm sick and tired of dealing with people's shit just because I feel as though I need friends. I obviously don't.

Thanks everyone for all your help.