i'm so upset

[kimmy]

i've been having alot of problems lately, and they're just getting to be too much...i don't know what to do.

last month, i found out my boyfriend had been talking to his ex-girlfriend only a week after he promised me he wouldn't. we fought, alot. i cried to my mom for 5 hours. i was ready to call it quits because i was convinced he was cheating on me. we got through that, a few weeks ago. it wasn't easy and it still hurts a little. now, he seems to be entirely bored with me, and though he says he isn't i have a hard time believing him.

i'm having trouble finding a job, which i need because my car needs a new transmission and new brakes along with alot of other new stuff that i can't afford and it's only a matter of days until everything goes out and i'm out of a car.

and today, it just came to a boiling point with two ex-friends of mine. basically, i used to have this friend that was bi and she wanted us to be more than friends, but i told her no because i already had Neil (boyfriend/love of my life) she took it pretty well for a while. but i guess she snapped one day and she caused a whole bunch of drama with me and two of my best friends. Jerri and i were on the same side, Amanda (the bi chick) and John were on the other. i didn't really care about losing Amanda because she's always caused alot of drama and did alot of terrible things to me even though i've never been anything less than a good friend to her...but John, that hurt. he told Jerri that he wanted to talk it out because i was a good friend and he didn't want to lose me. so now Amanda has started up again, and she got John into it again, and he said some really terrible things...and i'm not hurt easily..

but i'm sitting here in tears, shaking, because this is all wy too much for me to handle at once. i just had two of my brothers leave for bootcamp and found out that one of my good friends was killed in Iraq. then the problems with my boyfriend, and not being able to find a job when i desperately need money, now this?

i don't know what to do..

 

[Jaim]

Aww man. Bad things come all at once, don't they?!

I hope things get back to normal with you and your boyfriend, if he is treating you right! Talk to him some more and if he isn't giving you the respect you deserve (like lying to you about talking to his ex) then kick him to the curb! It's much easier said than done, but no one should ever stay in a relationship that's harmful to them.

Keep trying to find a job, it can be really hard and stressful especially if you apply somewhere and are turned down. I'm in the same boat, actually, and feeling very discouraged at the moment.

Friends are always insane! It's tough to find someone that you never have any problems with. It takes these kinds of situations to find out who your real friends are. If John wants to believe Amanda and turn against you, let him. If he's smart, he'll see what kind of person Amanda really is.

I don't know if any of that helps, but things will always get better! I'm learning slowly, slowly to keep bad/toxic people out of my life. I think I'd rather have no friends than really shitty excuses for friends!

 

[litlaur]

All of the stress you're dealing with right now is most likely having an effect on your relationship with your boyfriend. Try to focus on your other problems, and maybe the relationship will improve without much extra effort.

You seem like the kind of person who needs to vent to diffuse stress. I think you should talk to someone regularly. Not necessarily a therapist, just someone you can trust, someone who will really listen. And distance yourself from people you can't trust. This isn't to say you should end your friendship with John, but let it go for now. If he doesn't come to realize that he's being manipulated, you're better off without him.

Job hunting can be really depressing, I know. But keep at it. If you get frustrated, go ahead and take a break for about a couple of days or a week. But when you are searching, do it every day. Even if it's just browsing craigslist for 5 minutes. If you can, broaden your search. The more you're willing to do, the better your chances are. For example, I don't really like retail, but it's not so terrible that I won't do it.

Good luck with everything

 

[kimmy]

thank you both

i talked to my boyfriend last night about everything involving him and talked to my mom about all the other issues. i haven't really been talking to my mom much lately about things because my sister and her boyfriend were staying at my house and he makes me uncomfortable so i stayed with my boyfriend all week. i think that's why the stress just got to me, because i didn't have my mom there to talk to about it.

i'll definately take your advice on the taking a short break from job hunting, Laur

i never even thought of looking on Craisglist! sheet i'm a tard.

 

[xstephax]

i'm sort of in the same situation with my boyfriend. sort of.

keep in mind that i'm currently living in canaduh and he's all the way in chicago (although i'm supposed to be moving in with him in september).

i was in chicago in june and on my last night there i went through his phone while he was in the shower. i found his ex fiance's phone number in his phone. i was SO mad and upset. he's told me countless times that he hates her so much and that he doesn't talk to her. and when he talks about her his voice is filled with such hatred that it's all very believable. i confronted him about it and he said he didn't know it was in his phone (something about they transfered stuff from his simcard and it "must" have been saved on it) and that it was probably a good idea that it was in his phone so that way if she calls (she calls every so often because she wants to get back with him. but apparently she hasnt called since january) he can just avoid her (which is fine. but why doesn't he just answer if she calls and tell her to stop calling, if he really doesn't want to talk to her). i believe him. but i don't. and i just want her number out of his phone so much. it upsets me. because since i know she has wanted him back in the past i'm scared she'll steal him away. and i don't live there now so what am i supposed to do?

i guess one difference between our situations is that after i found her number i checked his incoming and outgoing calls and her number was in neither. and he had calls in both of them from other people that were from months ago. so it's not like he cleared out his recent call lists before i came.

but still. i can't help but worry. it just sounds like bullshit.

i know it's hard but like others have said, everything you are feeling right now, all the stress is effecting your relationship. i know that with the whole ex fiance thing + everything else that's been going on in my life it made me a zombie. i couldn't eat or sleep. i couldn't function. and it took such a toll on our relationship. and we almost broke up 2 weeks ago because of how i was freaking out so badly. but we had a giant talk about everything and cleared up most things. and so far things have been good. and we haven't fought in almost 2 weeks (which for us is amazing).

i think it's good that you talked to him. i hope things turn out well.

and jesus christ that was long.

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

Wow, you sound just like me in my "dark hours" but If theres one thing I've learnt from living on my own is that, when all shit hits the fan and I mean EVERYTHING, something will come along when you're a millimetre to the floor about to crash and burn and save you. You're living and learning and you're still pretty young so everything seems so fucked up so believe me, you won't completely drop to the ground so to speak. Something will help you out and pull you through in the nick of time... So look up, everything gets better...

Job hunting is a bitch. Thats life in true form. It took me 9 months to find a job and I am not a lazy/bad worker with a few good qualifications. You never know how hard life is until you're on your own and away from you mom. Yeah its hard to be away from ya mom, I get that part all too well as well... It sucks especially having no girly friends to share bf dramas with and everything as well...

Don't stress about the bf thing... I think every girl gets jealous, (possibly a gene malfunction), do ya detective work when your thinking semi rationally (jealous and rational just don't combine LOL), you find hes doing teh dirty, leave, your so much better than it. Make it a lesson learnt. If hes being faithful (which I reckon he is), well just apologise, tell him how ya feel and leave it at that

Hope that helps some... :s