Is it harder than ever for a man to hit on a woman?

[Shimmer]

Recently I was discussing the topic of women and how times have become so contentious that he's not really comfortable anymore telling a woman "Wow, you look fabulous!" or anything like that for fear of how she's going to take it. The only way he'll do it anymore is to say 'You look great' as he's walking past her with the full knowledge he'll never see her again.
We also discussed how it seems like SO MANY women get their panties (my phrase not his) in a bunch about a man asking them out...and view the guy who does it face to face as a creep. I don't understand this, because I think it's flattering. What's NOT flattering is when a guy won't take no for an answer.


What do you think, is it harder for a guy to give a woman a compliment these days?

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

I think it is harder for a guy to give a woman a compliment! I think we may have pushed past the edges a little bit, thinking that a guy is being a douche, when he's really genuinely just complimenting us. While we have reason to be cautious, I feel some women have taken it to the extreme, always on guard no matter where they are.

Couple that with the fact, that as a sex, we are more powerful then any other time in history. This can be a bit hard on a man's ego, and he may not feel as confident as his father may have in the same situation.

 

[meiming]

I do think it's definitely harder than ever for a man to just approach a woman for a compliment or to strike up an introduction. With all the crap that's going out there in the world, I believe, as a woman, that many of us tend to automatically view our surroundings as a little hostile. The world's not a safe place for women or children or even men these days. If a man comes up, does he have a motive? what's his game? But, on the flip side to that, I think many men are not tactful in their approach. Also, I think women aren't used to genuine compliments. I know comments towards me tend to be of the creepy/"eww" kind. So perhaps both men and women have slowly created this environment despite so many people wishing they could meet normal people in normal environments. Hm...sorry for the rambling...I hope that makes any sense =P

 

[Shimmer]

How does one go about accepting a compliment gracefully?

 

[Janice]

I just thank them honestly and sweetly, but don't put any more into than that because I'm married and don't want to pass along the wrong idea.

 

[Hilly]

I love getting a compliment from a stranger if he's a dude. Even tho I am in a relationship and getting hitched, I still love it...it makes me feel as if I still got it goin on

 

[FullWroth]

I think, as with many things in life, the douchebags ruin it for the decent guys and put the womenfolk on edge - especially if you get a lot of crap early in your development, like in middle or high school, since that tends to really affect your defensiveness level with men later on. So many jerks make demeaning comments about a woman's anatomy in drive-by "say it right when they walk by and then speed off" style that it becomes hard to distinguish a man's motives when he compliments you - is he actually giving you a compliment, or is he just a half-step up the evolutionary ladder from the jerk who shouts "Nice tits!" out his car window and then speeds off because he can't handle a reply? It's rough for both sides, the women who can't even accept a compliment because of unclear motivations and the decent men who can't just tell a pretty girl that she's pretty because they might come off like the drive-by jerk.

If only the douchebags came with a sign of some sort to distinguish them. ;(

I will say, freaking out over someone just plain asking you out is silly. If a guy walked up to me and asked me to have dinner or something, I'd politely decline (taken!) but I wouldn't be offended. Or if someone complimented me in a conversational tone, I'd just say thank you and have no problem with it. It's that snide jackass tone the *other* guys take on when they compliment you that puts me instantly on the defensive; they could phrase it in the most eloquent way possible, but when you get it in that slimy tone, the compliment's not worth dirt.

All that said, I do think many women jump to conclusions way too quickly and can't just take a compliment as a compliment, but if more men quality-controlled the jackasses among them a bit better, I'd like to hope that it'd happen a lot less. I could just be young and stupidly idealistic though.

 

[meiming]

I know it sounds terrible, especially since I'm NOT taken, but my first response to anyone who asks me out is automatically no thanks. The sad thing is that I don't even consider it before responding. But in terms of what a guy can do to change that...I don't know. Its really my thing, not his. Generally all the guys who've actually "gotten me" have been persistent despite my aloofness and thickheadedness. Most of the time I don't even realize someone is coming on to me unless it's really obvious and those tend to be the jerks. Hm...maybe that's why?

 

[blazeno.8]

Well a lot of times, the guys I run into are really either jerks or creeps with a good facade. Then I get those who don't even have that. If I'm walking down the street, the last thing I want is for you to follow me, just leave me alone and don't use your compliments to try to butter me up because I'm not a piece of toast.
I generally only deal with guys I meet in a setting where we have something in common (academia, coffee, work...). And even then, I only deal with ones who don't act lewd or put me on edge. Then yes, I'll accept the compliment. Otherwise, any other guy gets the silent treatment.

 

[athena123]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer How does one go about accepting a compliment gracefully?

I say "Thank You!" and leave it at that. It's when he gets too pushy that I tend to ease away.

To the original topic, I KNOW guys who've told me they're afraid to offer any kind of complement because they're not sure how the woman will take it. Either she reacts like she's being pursued by a stalker or she gets on her feminist high horse claiming that any complements for her looks indicates she's just a sex object with no value being placed on her mind. Now really, against those kind of odds, do we wonder why men are afraid to tell us we look nice or may not be quite as quick to open doors for us?

I think it's gotten this way since the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill hearings.

Not all men or women recognize the line between a genuine complement and gracious receipt of said complement vs. unwanted attention.

If a man tells me I look nice, or I have a pretty jacket on, I say thank you. If he holds a door open for me, I say thank you. If a man tells me I have really nice tatas he'd like to suck, I tell him NO THANK YOU!

There's a definite line there....

 

[SuSana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer How does one go about accepting a compliment gracefully?

I was talking about this with my friend a while ago, how some women seem uptight if a man compliments them, or they seem to get offended! If someone gives you a sincere compliment you should say thank you, simple as that. But it seems like no one can say anything nice about anybody anymore. If I were to say, oh you look nice today, all of the sudden I'm interested in them or trying to hook up, it's ridiculous! Why can't people just be nice? It seems like it's so hard to believe that people can be complimentary towards each other.

A few years ago this man at work would always tell me I looked beautiful, my makeup looked nice, etc. and I would get embarassed, then this older woman told me, anytime someone takes the time to give you a compliment you should say thank you cause you never know when you'll get another one, believe me I know! And we laughed about it but I always kept that in mind, so whenever I'm complimented I say thank you