Is it right or wrong....

[Pink_minx]

My bf has been coming over almost everyday which I dont mind at all I love spending time with him since we had a long distance relationship before where we wouldnt see eachother for weeks. He spends the night sometimes during the weekends also so like basically he is like almost living in my house. I been with him for a lil over a year. And last week my mom told him to clean the pool. And he said he couldnt cause he didnt know what to do or what to put in it since my dad was gone for 3 weeks and our pool was getting a lil dirty. And just today my dad came back and was mad at my mom for not maintaining the pool. ANd my mom was said to me "well matt didnt want to clean the pool".

I mean is it right for her to blame it on my bf? LIke I told her that he was coming over today and she looked mad and she said "make him clean the pool since he is always over here". I mean what should I do or say to her about it I dont want to start an arguement with my mom. I mean if you were my little situation what would you think, say, or do? Is it wrong for her to have him do these chores like clean the freakin pool? Like he does help me with the dishes and babysitting but do you think it was nessecary for my mom to make a big deal about him not cleaning the POOL???!

I dont know it just been bothering me and when she said that I didnt know what to say back to her cause I think she would get mad at me.

 

[pumpkincat210]

Hmm. Frustrating. Thats the downside of living with your parents because they pay for the house they can ask anyone staying to do something in return.

 

[Janice]

Agreed, unfortuantly it's your parents house and what they say goes.

I would think it's time for you to move into your own place since you describe your situation as " basically he is like almost living in my house". The BF staying over at the parents place is bound to become a delicate situation.

 

[jenjunsan]

Personally, I think he should clean the pool. I mean, he is practically living there! Since your father got mad at your mother for not maintaining the pool, then she must know how to maintain it. If your boyfriend was unsure of what to do, he should have consulted with your mother as to the proper caretaking so that he could complete the chore. To me, it is simple respect that he could do that chore for her since you guys are lucky that she is even open minded enough to allow him to stay with you. If he is man enough to lay in your bed in her house, then he is man enough to take care of those chores when the real man of the house is away. Sorry, that is just my honest opinion!

 

[Hawkeye]

I have to agree with the others.

Cleaning the Pool is not a big deal to you it seems but it is a big deal for parents. I mean think about it.

He's always over there. He spends time under their roof "basically living with you" and your parents. He's not paying rent. He's not paying for utilities, he's not paying for conviences (cable etc), he isn't paying for food etc.

He's getting a free ride. It's great he helps with dishes and babysitting. But he also, if he enjoys the luxury of hanging out at your house free of charge, your parents who are paying for everything has the right to say, and make a big deal out of chores that he can do.

Cleaning the pool is not hard. I have a pool. I clean the pool. It's time consuming, yes but it's not hard. He could've done it in my opinion and he should've asked your mom what to do if he didn't know.

You know personally you got it lucky my parents when I met my husband refused to let us sleep under the same roof. He could come over and hang out every day but he had to leave when my dad said he had to. My husband always did things for my parents without even being asked to. He still does. But that is the difference between our parents. My parents would say some horrible things about this where as yours are VERY open minded (YAY your parents!)

I can understand where your coming from especially since it's your bf! but at the same time, their house, their rules. If you don't like it you may need to go get your own place.

And since this is bothering you, I mean to put it bluntly, cleaning the pool is not a big deal. It's just a pain in the ass. It wasn't like your mom was asking your boyfriend to construct a garage, have it painted, and ready for your dad to come home and on top of that make sure he has built a deck and so forth. She was asking him to do a simple task. There is no reason for him to say, " I dunno how to do it" and then go about his business. He can learn or he can say, " Will you tell me how to do it?"

I think what gets me about this is that she only asked for something minor nothing huge.

If it were like the list above I'd see the problem with it but to put it bluntly Momma's right on this one.

 

[~~Queenofshuz~~]

well.....my boyfriend lives with me and my parents.....his parents abandoned him and all that good stuff ya know?.........anyhoo....he does some chores when my parents need help....that's just respect.......but even before that when he would be over here a lot, my mom would ask him to do a few small chores like taking out the trash or sweeping the floor.....I mean that was always when my mom was cleaning house though and my dad was away to sea.......I mean he is never asked to do something while everyone else sits on their behinds.....I dunno....I think if your mom was injured or something or was busy cleaning or doing chores then I think he could have been blamed for not doing what he was asked....but if she was just sitting on her behind...ya know...she could have done it herself...so then it wouldn't be very fair to blame it on your boyfriend for not being clean....of course...she could have asked you to do it too....so....all the options weren't checked off.....I think it was unfair to blame him....

 

[Pink_minx]

Yeah it was just that one day that ticked my mom off. But one thing I left out is that she has been going out to clubs a lot leaving my bf and I to babysit and clean other stuff in the house. And the day she comes back after clubbing shes telling him to clean the pool and I wasnt sure if it was right of her to do that. But I wasnt sure if he should have cleaned it or not. Its not a big deal but it was just bugging me on my mind today. But thanks for your advise girls!

 

[lah_knee]

mmm if that happened to me, i'd probably just do it myself hahaha i dont like to sit and argue about things like that i'd rather just get it done. or i'd make my boyfriend help me do it. my boyfriend practically lives with me too. my mom jokes around with him and has him bring in the groceries and stuff when she comes home and bring in the trashcans. things like that. but she doesnt expect much else. my dad is quiet he wont say anything haha...

 

[Hawkeye]

aww sweetie *HUGS* Everyone has those days when things are on their mind. I'm sorry it was that "rough". *HUGS*

See the clubbing part adds a whole new spin on it. Now I can see why your wondering is that right?

*HUGS* That one though I'm not sure on but just know we all luv ya here

 

[nphernetton]

Since it is your parents house and they are allowing him to stay there, what they say goes....Heck, my bf is 21, will be 22 soon, and is living with his parents until his funds mature in a few months and we can buy a house. They know we "do things" and what not, but when I stay the night there, they still make me sleep in the spare room...haha, its lame but it is THEIR house, they dont make me pay 'rent' for when I stay there, they feed me dinner lol, so it's THEIR rules....

That being said, I do not think your mom was asking too much of him by asking him to clean the pool. HOWEVER, I think she took it a little far saying "well, matt didn't want to clean the pool"...someone, your mom or yourself, could have showed him where everything was and what to do and then it'd be fine and he'd know for future reference. I'm sure Matt would have been fine with cleaning the pool if someone had just showed/told him what to do.

Who knows, maybe your mom was just having a stressful week for some reason...unfortunately when people stress its easy to take it out on the people around them...maybe when you know she's in a good mood and will be receptive, talk to her. Let her know that:
1. you are appriciative of her for letting your bf stay over as much as they do
2. you respect their rules and wishes, etc...

If you start out by saying that those things, you'll sound very mature and what not and she'll be more open-minded to what you have to say..Or maybe try talking to your dad if you think that'd be easier. Who knows, good luck though...you do have to respect their wishes, but they should also be able to meet you half way..

 

[souraznhunnie]

well does your bf even use the pool? he shouldn't have to clean it if he doesn't use it much. anyways, at least you're not in my situation....just because i am nice and generous, my bf's whole family seems to try to take advantage of me all the time. i'm barely there since he lives an hour drive away so i see him only every other weekend since our schedules are different. they don't expect me to do much around the house, but they ask me like crazy to get them this and that or drive them here and there....i'm not their debit/credit card or taxi driver! let me tell u, i'd rather live with a family that expects me to do chores around the house than a scandalous family!

but i'm very glad that you realize that what your mom said pissed you off. sometimes i wonder if my own bf ever thinks that...i understand how you feel though because you are like stuck in the middle between your mom and bf.

 

[iiifugaziii]

If your dad was leaving the responsibility of maintaining the pool to your mom... she can't demand the chore on someone else and blame it on them when it's not finished. Unless your dad asked your boyfriend to do it while he was gone for a few weeks, it's not his responsibility. Why couldn't your mom do it? I just think it's weird when people demand/expect things out of people. Even though he's been there A LOT, he's still, in a way, your family's guest. it's not the youngest brother in the house that does those things because he's lived there forever and the parents have supported him his entire life. I donno... there's two sides to this story. so it can go either way. but I would feel uncomfortable if someone's parent told me to do something that I didn't know how to do, and then when it wasn't finished I was to blame. That would be really awkward/uncomfortable feeling.

 

[Pink_minx]

Yeah thanks girls if it ever happened again I would just have my 11 yr old brother and I clean it lol simple as that hehe.