Is something wrong with me?

[Verient]

Ok it's my first time posting here and it feels a little awkward but I really need to ask for some advice and people here seem very helpful.

I'll list my problems, as it seems easier that way.
- When I masturbate, it doesn't feel good at all.
- When my boyfriend fingers me, it feels good, but I can't orgasm.
- We have had a sex a couple of times, and it doesn't feel good at all.
- I don't get turned on by anything.

I just can't seem to orgasm...I don't even know what to expect really. I shake quite a bit usually? I don't know if thats normal or anything. I just don't know and it's worrying me.

Thanks for any help
x

 

[jenee.sum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verient Ok it's my first time posting here and it feels a little awkward but I really need to ask for some advice and people here seem very helpful. I'll list my problems, as it seems easier that way. - When I masturbate, it doesn't feel good at all. - When my boyfriend fingers me, it feels good, but I can't orgasm. - We have had a sex a couple of times, and it doesn't feel good at all. - I don't get turned on by anything. I just can't seem to orgasm...I don't even know what to expect really. I shake quite a bit usually? I don't know if thats normal or anything. I just don't know and it's worrying me. Thanks for any help x

it seems like you're kinda new to masterbating? maybe you're not. but if you are, keep trying and experiment. all women are different, and you need to find what works for you. you can either do that yourself, or ask your bf to help you. but make sure ur lubercated. nothing's worse than dry rubbing a clitoris.

and are you wanting a Gspot orgasm? or a clitoral one? have you tried lube? if you're not turned on enough, that could be why you're not having "feel good" sex. kiss, cuddle, dirty talk, foreplay...maybe those can help you get into the mood. cuz good sex isn't just about being lubercated and sticking it in. a lot of it is mental, and to get you mentally turned on...u gotta do things that you like. so experiment, and see what works for you.

oh...and one of my gf's has a problem like this...so don't get offended if i ask you. but are you sexually attracted to your bf? i know that's something that is really important or crucial for some ppl to have good sex....so i just wanted to know.

i don't know if that helped much, but i'm glad you feel comfortable turning to us for help.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

To be honest, it doesn't feel all that great when I masturbate (when I finger myself). It actually just feels weird. But I also do find that whenever a guy does the work for me it does feel good. So I'm guessing since it's the two of us who feel like this, it's normal =]

How experienced are you and your bf with sex (sorry if it sounds out of line)? Cause sex isn't something that most people magically over night become amazing at. It takes time, patience, communication and lots of work!

From your post it sounds like you've probably got a lot on your mind during sex and being stressed out or worried over anything can cause inability to orgasm. Remember an orgasm isn't always JUST a physically thing, its very much a mental thing also. You need to relax, let all your troubles go and just enjoy yourself =] You can't force an orgasm either, it's like trying to get out of quick sand, the more you try to pull yourself out the further you sink in and the harder it is to actually get out.

 

[ashk36]

I feel like every woman needs to invest in a vibrator. I can't orgasm without one. I mean, I probably could, but my hand gets tired. It helps SO much. We usually go at it for a while without one, because if I use it too long I get kinda numb, so wait until you're as into it as you can get, and then bust out the vibrations! It's best if you're on top so you don't have to worry about not having enough room for your little toy. It does the trick for me 99% of the time...and that 1% I can't is...well, cause I got drunk and I just can't have the big OOOOO when I'm tipsy.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Fantasizing is a huge part. You just need to think about what turns you on. The more you do it, the better your imagination will be.

I think you're probably focusing too much on having an orgasm. Don't think about anything or worry because it won't happen if you're not in the moment. he could rub your clit too which most women need to orgasm.

If you have insecurities or worries, you won't be able to orgasm. It'll make you nervous and it just won't be possible. I agree about the physical attraction part too. If you've always been like that maybe it's a good time to experiment with new things with him to see what you do like since what you two normally do isn't working.

Or maybe it's possible that you like girls.

 

[kaliraksha]

Try a vibrator to get a feeling for what you do and don't like. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay- just keep doing what's doing it for you with your boyfriend. The first few times with my boyfriend were very intimate, but certainly not the kind of sex I would consider good today. It's going to take practice to learn your body, likes, dislikes, his, and vice versa.

 

[Verient]

We're not very experienced with sex. We've only done it a few times now and I lost my V with him. We've tried different positions and the feeling is pleasurable but I wouldn't call it orgasmic at all. I'm definately sexually attracted to him and I'm not really insecure about anything apart from the fact I can't orgasm. I just feel weird and that he's probably feeling bad because he can't make me. And with getting myself turned on...nothing really does. I mean, I enjoy it and everything.. I don't know =/

Thanks

 

[Fataliya]

Don't feel bad babe...I had lots of boyfriends and lots of sex in High School, but I never had an orgasm until I was married the first time.

I still think I was born without a G-spot, cuz I sure as shit can't find it, lol.

 

[NutMeg]

Don't feel like there's something wrong with you, my bf and I have been having sex for about three and a half years now and it was just the other day that I came during sex without a vibrator.

It was awesome.

I agree with lots of the suggestions above. Foreplay, masturbate on your own, try a bunch of different touches and positions. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Often the first time is the most difficult because you have no idea what you're doing, or how to do it.

 

[Verient]

I'll try and masturbate more, but you're right...I don't really know what I'm doing lol

 

[MissResha]

so NOTHING turns you on? at all??


damn that sucks.

 

[NutMeg]

Out of curiosity, how old are you guys?

 

[enigmaticpheo]

If you think there is something *wrong* with you, you're more likely to be anxious, and then nothing is going to happen! So off the bat, there aren't many women who have a physical inability to reach the big O. Don't assume you're one of them yet!

I'd say definitely explore what you like and what turns you on both by yourself and with your boy. I read this statistic the other day (I think it was Cosmo, but I'm not 100% sure...) that 95% of women who have never had an orgasm through masturbation find it nearly impossible to have an orgasm with their boy. It may take you some time to figure out what you like, but just relax, enjoy the journey and when you find it...communicate with your boy.

but seriously, there is still so much taboo on women orgasms...society makes us think only men are allowed to give us one. so ridiculous. embrace your woman powah girl! haha

 

[Verient]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Out of curiosity, how old are you guys?

16. And I know we're young, but we love eachother.

 

[LMD84]

personally i hate fingering myself!! it feels weird and just ...not nice! however when my hubby does it... it feels amazing! maybe it's because he has longer fingers than me... i have sausage fingers! boo!

when i 'have a fiddle' i use a little love bullit on my clit and that feels amazing and i climax pretty quickly. you just have to find what works for you. and take your time! there is no right or wrong way about doing things... one of my mates swears by a bloody electric toothbrush so i guess it's whatever floats your boat!

 

[NutMeg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verient 16. And I know we're young, but we love eachother.

No judgement.

Anyway, I think part of being so young is that you haven't really explored your sexuality on your own, so it's hard for you to know what you want with a partner, know what I mean?

I don't always enjoy fingering myself. If I want penetration I'll usually use a toy of some sort, but vibrators are awesome. Also, a lot of people find that directing a shower head at their clit is fun, or rubbing yourself against a pillow or something if you don't like the really direct pressure of your fingers. Good luck.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verient 16. And I know we're young, but we love eachother.

I don't feel comfortable at all giving someone who isn't of legal age any real advice regarding sex. I'll be honest with you, although passing judgment is not my intent but it may come off that way, but in my opinion you're WAY too young to be having sex. I don't think your body is even fully mature yet which is probably why you're not experiencing much joy from sex. I know you've recently lost your virginity but it's never too late to reflect on what you're doing, and know that your body is supposed to be treasured, be careful to whom you give it to, value yourself. You're only a teenager you have a whole life ahead of you. I'll tell you what I told my 15 y/o niece..."focus on books, not boys!" Although you both "love each other" boys your age will never, ever be serious, boys hormones are running rampant, and if he is serious about you, well even better! Take advantage of that and do other things that do not involve sex, go to the mall together, amusement parks, etc, sex does not equal fun, get to know each other on a more personal level than just sex. Anyhow, it's your body so you're going to do what you so please; just make sure to rethink your grown up decisions because there are consequences to every action...a lot of things can happen that will forever change your life (pregnancy, diseases, broken heart etc). Be patient, there is no rush.

 

[user79]

16 is a very average age for for teens to become sexually active nowadays, and it is your decision. It's a bit naive to think teens are just going to hang out, go to an amusement park and hold hands. And she said she was in a relationship so this is obviously a person she trusts and feels good about. But please be responsible about it and make sure you use a condom each and every time! I can't stress this enough. This may sound weird, but please make sure you get informed or ask a trusted adult or a doctor about safe sex, if you're not 100% sure on the methods.

Since this is your first real time having sex, don't expect it it to be mind-boggling right away. A lot of young people have very high expectations because of how sexual relations are often portrayed on TV or in movies or whatever, only to be disappointed because it's not what they thought it would be the first few times. It takes a while for most people to become fully comfortable with the idea of sharing their bodies like that with someone else, and to explore their own sexuality. I would try to talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you like, maybe together you can also become closer exploring your sexuality together. But don't worry, nothing is wrong with you, I think most people will tell you that looking back, the sex they might have had as a teenager wasn't their most memorable. It takes time to grow into our own sexuality and to realize what feels good, etc.

Also, since you're sexually active now, you have to start getting pap test at your gynocologist regularly, about once a year, so I would set up an appointment and you can discuss any questions you might have with your doctor. He or she can also inform you about safe sex methods.

 

[NutMeg]

^What she said.

 

[moopoint]

I was younger than her when I started having sex and I have NOOOO regrets! I discovered so much about myself and have had so many enriching experiences since. Great sex does not happen overnight. Finding what you like and dislike is key to great sex. I am 21 now and been with my bf for almost 3 years and we have earth-shattering sex. And I know my early experience has helped.

My dear, when I masturbate I focus on my clit. Actual finger-penetration does not do it for me. I can climax very soon because I know where to hit. And when my bf is working a long strain of night shifts, my vibrator is my best friend

Explore yourself. If you can't make you climax, you can't expect him to be able to either.

Have fun!