I've spent all day crying about this. I'm so confused.

[ashley8119]

Okay, so this is gonna be a long one:

I recently got back in touch with this guy I've known since 1st grade. He moved in 7th, moved back last year, and we just got back in touch 2 months ago. We're both 18/19 now. So a lot of time has changed since we've last seen each other. We actually got back in touch on MySpace. We've been talking everyday for the past 2 months, rediscovering each other and it's been fun. He's been very open with me about his past, and I've been a bit more guarded but he understands and we've been taking our time. He confided in me that he is 7 months clean of a cocaine addiction, and he was very open about it. He answers any questions I have about anything, and he encourages the fact that we're very open and honest with each other. We reminisce about younger days, everything was great. I've been feeling a bit more for him lately, and we made it clear to each other a few times that we're interested in each other. Problem though: I moved to Philly, he's back in MI where we used to live before he went to Florida to live for 4 or 5 years or something.

He's involved in this piercing/tattoo/suspension/flesh pull business and they do parties every weekend, so we don't talk as often on weekends cuz he's the main piercer. So last Friday, we discussed where we were at right now. He said that he really likes me and that had I been there, he would have asked me out a long time ago. I kind of agreed with him [about liking him as well]. So he had to set up for the piercing party on Friday, then he texted me later that day. Then he kind of disappeared.

Then I asked him a few days later if he was okay, and he said that he's been having some phone trouble. We've corresponded only a few times within the past almost week. Which is VERY unusual for us, we talk every day several times a day. I've attempted to text him and ask him if something's wrong. I've asked him before, and everytime he says that if something was wrong or if something was on his mind concerning our platonic at the moment relationship, he would tell me. He's usually very honest about things, telling me things that I've asked about, but didn't really want to hear the severity of the details [ex. his drug past] but I accepted the truth, because I accepted him for who he is, and everything he is.

So his ex-best friend is back in his life, and she's female. This is trivial to more grown up people on here, but he moved her to #3 on MySpace, and I'm #8. I know most of the other people on his top friends, so I'm not threatened by anybody else on her. Except her. She lives in Florida where he used to live. They lost touch, but they're friends again. So now I'm worried that maybe he likes her or something, and maybe he's delibirately ignoring me hoping that I'll "go away". I don't think he would do that, because he's so open about everything. I think that if that was the case, he would tell me. But now I'm just afraid that I might lose him..

I know I probably sound like such an immature little girl right now, but I'm 18...and this is kind of a huge deal for me, because I've only been in one relationship and I was 15. And that ended badly, and a bit traumatic {the guy was 20} so I guarded myself very much for the past 3 years and pushed everybody else away because I was afraid of being hurt again. So this is the first time I've been willing to open up to somebody and let them in...

I've been crying a lot about it, because he's everything I've wanted and have been looking for. I've accepted everything about him, the good and the bad, and now I'm afraid that he won't see that.

What do the more experienced and mature members think? Do you think I'm overreacting about all of this? Or do you think that maybe he really is having phone trouble and I should just chill out?

I apologize for sounding dumb, I'm just so confused...and my head is full, so I kind of let it all spill right here...

 

[HeavenLeiBlu]

Aww, sweetie. I don't wanna say that you're overreacting, but I do think that you're making this guy and this situation more important in your life than it should be. I also think that trying to cultivate-and sustain any sort of long distance romantic relationship is probably not a good idea and will cause you unnecessary anguish. Hell, it's already causing you stress and it's not even under way yet! I think you should just fall back from the situation and give him the space that he appears to be wanting. And just enjoy him from afar, as you've been doing for the time when you weren't in touch at all. If he decides to come visit you and y'all have a good time; great. Leave it at that and have fun with the people who are already around you, waiting to enrich your life!

 

[User93]

I agree completely with HeavenLeiBlu. I understand you really good, im 19 myself. But i think you should chill down a little, go out etc. See, i don't wann aupset you at all sweetheart, but now you are not his girlfriend, so he doesnt owe you anything, so putting her on #3 at top friends isnt anything to insult or hurt you.. I just think you see this relationship way more important than he actually does. Also, guys seem to hate it when we call or text em too much (doh :/). The best decision is to chill down, intrigue him with your indifference, just going on being a friend. If he chooses her, well, let it be, you will have a way better guy. If he wants so hang with you, it even better. Just go on being his friend, i know its tough, but thats it.
Also, i think you are overating him because you feel so in love, you say he is everything you wanted, but really, is he? He is a cool guy, thats for sure, but i personally think such "bad boys" girlsatracted to sometimes are really difficult to keep a relationship with. You are just dayaming a lot (i do all the same

so in your mind this relationship is much more than in his.
You should go out, chill, pay less attention to him (at least try), enjoy yourself. Damn, really, ladies of spectra are so gorgeaous and so beautiful to be upset like this, i think this every time i read a thread like that :/

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Honestly, I don't think you have a thing to worry about. It's just myspace and he's perfectly entitled to choose to spend a little online time with his best friend as well. Girls and guys can be best friends with each other without wanting to go out with each other or fuck lol.

Who knows? Maybe if you guys do get together, he'll move you to the #1 spot.

 

[makeba]

i agree with heavenleiblue and alibi for sure. your young and should be exploring the world and living. Your young yes but enjoy yourself and what life has to offer and not make someone else more important than yourself. Back up a bit and regroup and stay beautiful!!!!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I do honestly think you are being a little dramatic and perhaps a little too invested in him. There are sooo many reasons why he hasn't been in close communication. He honestly could be busy. He could be not that into you. Maybe when he admitted to liking you, you seemed cold and distant to him, so he worries about awkwardness and freaking you out. I would directly ask him and reference what he admitted. Don't be too aggressive, just be honest

If he does like his ex, you don't want to be with him. You should NEVER be second best to someone. It will not be happy to feel like he wants to be with someone else, and while you may not believe me now, you will find someone else who'll make you happy.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Calm down honey, males have this disease that makes them not call when they say they will, leave you on edge for days at a time. LOL

Just wait until you REALLY talk to him to grasp any sort of emotion over the situation. He really may be having phone trouble, it happens.

IT'S JUST MYSPACE HONEY!!! What place you are on his top eight really isn't that big of a deal.

Regardless of what happens with this, you'll survive.

<3

 

[Sikfrmthemirror]

Aww. That sucks maybe she was more then just a best friend when he was still in florida. but maybe not. but your young and 18! and sometimes i wish i would have stayed single. FOREVER! just talk to people, date around, hang out, be free. dont get tied down, if you need someone to be close to then find a good one that makes you happy and whos got goals. or else your going to be unhappy and bored.

 

[Debbie]

I disagree that you're overreacting, because at the age of 19---it is the norm for young girls to have such vested interest in a guy/guys in general. When I think back when I was 19 (I'm turning 27 this year), I remember obsessing about every little thing guys did/said, and truly believing that they were thinking about me just as much. The fact to the matter is--guys at the age just don't care as much since they do have a whole life ahead of them to worry about this guy/girl thing. For every 10 thoughts you have of them, they probably have only 1 thought of you. The statistics get better as they get older. This is by NO MEANS a reflection of you, because I'm positive you are a beautiful girl inside and out. Even if they had Jessica Alba in their hands, they'll still manage to find a way to screw up. Take it with a grain of salt, remove him from your top 8 ('cuz it's no big deal to him right?), and move on. You should be running the tempto..not him.

 

[duckduck]

Ya know, I am a perpetual overthinker, so I would be a bit upset by this change in behavior too. One thing no one else mentioned but was on my mind was his relationship with this old friend. Do you know if she uses/used Cocaine and drugs as well? One of my very close friends works to get drug users into rehab, so the reason I ask is because many, many times that people fall off of the wagon is due to old friends. Seven months isn't a very long time to have been clean, and it is VERY difficult when old friends who still use come into the picture to stay clean. The other thought I had is if she was his support through getting clean, perhaps he had a setback or a relapse, and she is helping him out again. If he did, he might feel too ashamed to tell you about it. I dunno - it seems to me that with such a recent and difficult drug history, a sudden change in behavior might be attributed to that.

 

[MAC_Whore]

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time and I hope that it soon passes. I do have one observation though.

I noticed you said that for the last 3 years you have pushed guys away due to a bad experience from a relationship with another guy when you were 15.

If I am understanding correctly you are in Philly and this new guy is in MI, correct? You have mentioned that you have a problem with intimacy and now you are involved in a long-distance relationship (of sorts) that allows you to avoid daily, face to face contact.

I don't doubt that you are feeling intense feelings, but considering the distance and drug history (and recent sobriety), I would really put some deep thought into whether or not it is a wise and healthy thing to pursue this relationship. Perhaps it would be better to work through the issues that cause you to push guys away and explore a relationship where normal contact is possible.

I wish you the best.

 

[ashley8119]

Thank you very much to everybody who offered their advice. I very much appreciate it. The thing that convinces me that maybe he's not delibirately ignoring me is that (trivial as it is) he updated his myspace top and put people after me...it seems that if he was trying to get rid of me that he would move me down or completely take me out.

About his past with drugs, he told me just about everything from the start. He told me that he knew it might be overwhelming, and that if I had any questions, he would answer them. So I asked some, and he answered. He was very open about it. Although, he said that there was something he wasn't too comfortable telling me yet. Which I completely understood, there is no way I was comfortable enough to tell him about something that happened 4 years ago when I was battling severe depression. So I figured that with time, he would tell me. And I could tell him.

But then, he went to Canada for his 19th birthday a few weeks ago. And he told me that he almost got sent back to Florida by Customs (his ID is a Florida ID). I didn't know what that meant, so I asked him, and he didn't give much detail. He didn't lie about anything, he just kept details to the very vague minimum. He said he had a decent time in Canada, but things could have turned out pretty bad for him. But it made me wonder a bunch of things: what could he have done to make them almost deport him back to Florida? Did he get into some kind of trouble and they scanned his ID and found a warrant for his arrest? He said that the one thing he was leaving out was drug related, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to overwhelm me at the time...

I wrote a MySpace message, that I plan on sending on Monday if still no contact...it pretty much is straightforward to the point. So I guess if he doesn't contact me by Monday, I'll send him a message...that way I'll definitely know that it reached him. Maybe he really is having phone trouble, and I've been overreacting and crying over nothing?

Thanks again to all of you! You all are the best! =)