Long-distance relationship / Cheating?

[LMD84]

i can imagine how stressed and upset you must be right now. because that is alot to take in and have happen. however i would take one major positive from this - he was honest with you. lets be honest, he didn't have to be. you'd have most likely never have found any of this out. however he told you because he wants to be a better person now.

usually i would say with cheating that it's a hard thing to get over. however i think that you have been together so long and it would be a shame to chuck something away over a few kisses which is obviously regrets deeply.

but it is going to be very tough... do you think you are strong enough? because if you will be left for months at a time wondering who he is with and what he is doing then it will end up eating you away.... and potentially you could end up accusing him of things he has not done because you're paranoid.

i think you should have a good think about if you can 100% forgive him and know that it won't be an easy road ahead. but just remember.... he was honest with you. i think that was a good thing for him to do, a true cheater wouldn't confess like that.

 

[HoneyDip]

@LMD84

thank you for your words, hunny!
Honestly, I think basically I could forgive that he got 'close' to other women, in my eyes he was just bein stupid (with a lot of things) and immature, which doesn't mean it wasn't wrong.
Even now, after all that happened it still seems like I'm the stronger person and I'm doin better than him..
He is deeply crushed and I can barely hear what he's saying because he's crying so much.. because of all the stupid mistakes he did (financially.. friends-wise etc. etc.). I really don't know what to do wit him (ha ha), he is out of his mind n totally desperate!

 

[LMD84]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HoneyDip @LMD84 thank you for your words, hunny! Honestly, I think basically I could forgive that he got 'close' to other women, in my eyes he was just bein stupid (with a lot of things) and immature, which doesn't mean it wasn't wrong. Even now, after all that happened it still seems like I'm the stronger person and I'm doin better than him.. He is deeply crushed and I can barely hear what he's saying because he's crying so much.. because of all the stupid mistakes he did (financially.. friends-wise etc. etc.). I really don't know what to do wit him (ha ha), he is out of his mind n totally desperate!

sounds like he has learnt his lesson and now wants to be a better person. which is great news. i think he's doing good by stopping hanging out with people that were bad for him... just stay strong hun and you'll get through it together

 

[Civies]

I'm also in a LD relationship. It's hard to trust someone when they're halfway around the world or miles away... but I do believe in forgiveness. I'll be honest, I'm biased. I cheated on my boyfriend 2 months into our relationship, I felt horrible, it was a mistake (we made out, nothing more) and I told my boyfriend the morning after it happened. He was devastated and it put a huge toll on our relationship. He was probably asking the same questions you are now, but he forgave me and we're going on a year and a half now and still strong.

After someone who supposedly "loves" you does something like that to you it's hard to forgive. Whether you should forgive him or not, I can't give you a definite answer because everyone is different. If you feel like you can move on from all this and try to be happy then forgive him.

Only time will heal the wound, and as cheesy as that sounds trust me it's true! It will be on your mind all the time for the next few weeks, but more memories will happen between you two to somewhat dim that memory.

 

[HoneyDip]

@civies - thanks for you reply, hun!
I was wondering if you know/think your boyfriend has fully forgave you.. or does it still pop up every now and then?
What did you guys do to make things work out again? Jus talked about it or NOT talk to each other for a while.. I just wanna know if there was anything that made it easier for you boyfriend to get thru it. Clearly, my fiance wants to do things to make me feel better, but I don't even have a clue what he could do for me. Happy for any advice!

 

[Civies]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HoneyDip @civies - thanks for you reply, hun! I was wondering if you know/think your boyfriend has fully forgave you.. or does it still pop up every now and then? What did you guys do to make things work out again? Jus talked about it or NOT talk to each other for a while.. I just wanna know if there was anything that made it easier for you boyfriend to get thru it. Clearly, my fiance wants to do things to make me feel better, but I don't even have a clue what he could do for me. Happy for any advice!

I think he's fully forgiven me, but forgiving and forgetting is two different things and trust me he remembers everything. It was really hard on him, which I'm sure it is to you too. I think he's somewhat "scarred" from the entire thing, he has fears of me being around guys when I'm drinking or new people I don't know that don't know I'm in a LD relationship.

It does pop up sometimes and we both get really upset when it does, so I don't know why either one of us brings it up. It's just a really upsetting thing. Even if we don't bring it up verbally I'm sure we still think of it from time to time. To work things out, I honestly just gave him time. Like I said, as time goes on the wound heals a bit, and you learn to move on and have good memories and experiences together and it kind of just slips to the back of the mind

.

Personally, I don't think your fiance needs to do anything. I didn't do anything for my boyfriend because cheating is one thing I think that you can't really make up for, you just put it in the past and move on. I let him think everything over, I gave him time for him to clear up his thoughts until he was ready to talk/be with me again.