Longer Relationship=Less of an Effort

[Krasevayadancer]

So I feel like I am experiencing this and was wondering how many of you have had similar experiences:
I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and I suppose we are really serious, but I feel like the longer we are dating, the less he is willing to do for me (even though he says he loves me more than ever)
He used to shower me with random gifts (without me ever asking or hinting) and he used to be willing to drive all over for me too (since i dont have a car or license. Now though, it seems like all he does is complain when i ask for favors, and he has stopped some of the things he used to do and I am missing it.
Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[MACATTAK]

Yup..sometimes guys feel that when they have you/are comfortable with you, then that's it. However, I have to ask, are you as appreciative as you were in the begining? Guys need to hear that you appreciate them, and that they can make you happy. If they don't feel those things, they will stop trying. Sometimes in the begining of a relationship, we are on our best behavior, and then things start to dwindle down. Let him know what you need, but be sure you are making him feel important too.

 

[Urbana]

that happened to me too.. after 5 years i left him. it was horrible, everything was his family and friends, and what about me?
its a long story mine, but i advice you to explain to him how you feel, and then see what he does...
good luck

 

[greentwig]

I'm having the same problem, but I think that we both feel the same way. Things are so different now, I just dont know what to do. He feels like were a bit distant, but I feel the same way.

I work a full time job and hes still waiting for his parents to be ready to pay for his college, and he's been telling me for the past 3 months that he would talk to his mom about when he can start college. Then he tells me that he dosent want to bother them when we go visit them (about 1-2 times a month), because he dosent want to talk about money while visiting, which I can understand

. My problem is that he sits at home and plays video games all day.....and in the past 2 monsths there has not been time to pick up the phone and call your mom or dad!?!?!:duel:, omg dont tell me 3 months ago that you will talk and then dont say anything.

Anyways im sry I dont mean to steal your post i'm just really frustrated. I could go on but I dont want to steal the post...I'll have to make a sepetare one and vent

 

[SpareMyHeart]

I feel your pain hun.
Im in the exact same boat.
I've been with my SO for 3 years now and everyday I feel like there's less and less of a relationship.We only see eachother on weekends and when we do he spends the whole day playing videogames.We dont go on dates anymore.I feel like theres no effort being made on his part.

I could go on and on, but this post is about you.

I'll give you the advice I know I should take myself , you dont deserve to be in a relationship if he's not willing to make the effort.

Some guys put on an act in the beginning of the relationship to kinda "secure" the deal and im pretty sure thats what mine did for me.Now I have to beg him to do something nice for me, and even after that he'll do it once and go back to his old ways.If theres no change you need to be brave and move on, its whats best for YOU.

There is a guy out there who will want to shower you with affection because he WANTS to not because he feels forced to.

 

[Urbana]

mine too used to play videogames the whole day!!!!

 

[~Crystal~]

While my relationship hasn't quite gotten to that stage (we're almost at 2 years though!), things have died down a bit since the beginning.
I think it happens with most guys though... I mean, they are, as someone said, on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship.
That's coz... as someone else also said, they want to impress you

at least, mine did! They don't know how serious you are, and if they want to make it work, they know they'll have to put in the effort!
It's just that now that things have been going on for awhile, they've become more complacent I guess. They don't feel the need to constantly show you how much they care etc all the time!

Have a talk with him about it- or over little things in general. I did that, and things have improved a bit. I didn't ask him for surprise gifts or anything like that- I don't need it. I just wanted him to show that he still felt the same way about me, whether we were in public or not!!
His first response was: 'but you alreaddddyy know! Don't you?! *gasp*'
I told him that I'm a girl, and just sometimes- I need reminding!! Otherwise I'll think that you only want me when in private... and that's all you want. If so, then it's really not going to work!

He understood- and is MUCH more affectionate now. It's great

Anyways, why don't you try talking to him about it a little? It's worth a try... coz it worked for me!

 

[Sikfrmthemirror]

thats kinda scarey. im the opposite of this. ive only been with mine for going on 6 months. and he doesnt work, he never graduated, he doesnt drive. and he plays videogames too but not all day or anything.

anyway. i love him. ive liked him for five years. (thats how long ive know him, before we got together. even though weve always liked each other, it just recently happened that weve gotten together)

but i am going to school for make up, im 19 hes 21. lives with his mom. i dont want to be a jerk about him not having a job or income. cause i dont have a job or income. but i do go to school full time.

and the sex is great haha.


i hope everything works out. maybe its your turn to show him that you would do those things for him.
cause i know id like to see my boyfriend get a car and drive me around sometime you know.

 

[user79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krasevayadancer So I feel like I am experiencing this and was wondering how many of you have had similar experiences: I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and I suppose we are really serious, but I feel like the longer we are dating, the less he is willing to do for me (even though he says he loves me more than ever) He used to shower me with random gifts (without me ever asking or hinting) and he used to be willing to drive all over for me too (since i dont have a car or license. Now though, it seems like all he does is complain when i ask for favors, and he has stopped some of the things he used to do and I am missing it. Has anyone else experienced this?

OK I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything, but it's not your bf's duty to drive you wherever you need to go. If you are old enough, why don't you get your driving license? And if you don't have a car, either save up, borrow your parents', or take public transit if you need to go into town. I also don't have a car and my bf does, so I take public transit every day.

As for the gifts, while it's nice to receive something from the one you love, again, does this really make a relationship? Is that really so important?

Also, you have to ask yourself, how are you reciprocating? Do you shower him in gifts and go out of your way to do special things for him? I think sometimes women get a bit of a "princess complex" and expect their SO to do a lot of things for them, just because they're female. I think a long term relationship is all about being equals, and sometimes it's not fair to ask your boyfriend to do all these special things for you all the time. Maybe I'm just too much or a realist, but these things are not what is going to make a relationship last.

If you are really going above and beyond to do special favors for him, and he's not, then it's something you can address with him. But just because he's the guy and you're the girl doesn't automatically make you entitled to special treatment.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

I think part of it is that I feel like I am putting in more of an effort than I ever did. I have never been in a position where I was better off financially than him, so i haven't ever really been able to outdo him in financial matters. He is 5 yrs older and in a diff place than I am.
I guess I just got used to a standard, and I feel like the things he told me then, he is turning around and contradicting now...