Marriage....

[thestarsfall]

Why does it seem like EVERYONE I know is getting married, either they are engaged, or are just married?

All these ppl who have been dating a shorter time than me, and they are all engaged...

My sister just got married, but I mean she is 25, so it's not like my same-age friends...but it still just adds to the jealousness of having gotten married..

That I know of:
2 'friends' from high school (same age as me, I'm 20)
a sister of one of the friends from high school
my cousin who is one year older than me
a WHOLE bunch of ppl from my college, (but that is normal anyways...its a small college and ppl say that they go there to get their MRS degree hehe)
the lead singer and the drummer of my boyfriend's band are engaged apparently...

And then me and my boyfriend have been dating for over 2 years and we have talked about marriage, agreed that we are who we want to marry (does that make sense? haha)....but we both know that we are not at the maturity level (mainly, he isn't) of marriage...

I feel left out...

However, there are some things that I can take solace in:
Number 1 being that my friends who have been dating for almost 5 years are no where near getting married as far as anyone can tell. (we all suspect that they wont end up marrying for a while); and Number 2 is the fact that I will have a much better education than almost anyone on the list (except my sister...she is going to do her PhD soon....so...)

Yeah...this is just a rant...

another thing I suspect is that a bunch of these ppl are getting married partly for sex. Haha...a lot of them are uber-religious so they would probably get married just so they can have "godly sex" which is a stupid reason to get married...

 

[GreekChick]

You know the saying "The faster you go up, the faster you come down"?
Well, this apply to mariage and relationships as well. If you want your relationship to last, don't rush into it because of social pressure. That's the biggest mistake you can do to yourself and your relationship.
In my opinion 20 is a very young age to get married, and I consider you wise and mature to know that you and your boyfriend aren't yet ready to handle the responsibility that comes with mariage. You say that your friends who have been dating a shorter time than you are all married. Do you really think their relationships have taken the time to evolve? I doubt it. I also bet their married status won't last long and I'm sure you will outlast ALL of them even if you get married in 10 years. You will have taken the time to really get to KNOW your partner. And who know's if you yourself will change: there's a chance you won't be the same person at 25. You will know yourself better, you will know your needs, what you like, what you don't like, and even then you will still continue to grow.
Besides, mariage isn't all that. The love you feel towards your partner is not proven by your status. Dating is fun and you're young, enjoy the freedom while you still have it. You've got the rest of your life to sign a little piece of paper.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I am 25. Every single one of my friends is married, or getting married in less than 4 months. All of my married friends moved away. Then again, the divorce in this group of friends is already starting in. (less than 2 years of marriage and a friend of mine is already divorced) I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. I am waiting patiently .It is hard for me to go to all these weddings and seeing all my friends super happy and beautiful in their wedding gowns. everything seems so perfect. I just have to keep telling myself that my boyfriend and I need to get our feet planted firmly in "life" meaning -jobs.. goals a place to live. ETC.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I'm 22, and people I know have started getting married at age 19. I know of several wedding this year and several that have passed.

Don't feel left out. You'll get there eventually if that's what you want and since you're taking your time, you can already start light planning or fantasizing about your wedding (and saving up- weddings are insanely expensive, even simple ones). Even if you don't want to start thinking about your own, it's an educational experience to see what your friends are doing and what worked and didn't.

Some people, for whatever reasons, rush into marriage, others take their time or don't ever marry. For example, a friend of mine was living with her boyfriend for like 8 years before they got married. They never felt inclined to marry before then.

 

[thestarsfall]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark (and saving up- weddings are insanely expensive, even simple ones).

I am going to be starting a high interest savings account soley for that purpose

esp since my father (who will contribute to weddings) thinks $5000 is enough to cover everything in a wedding...

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

My best friend had a Really really small wedding, Less than 70 people, it was all outside, the guests even had to move the chairs and help bring in the tables for the reception, and it cost her over $10,000. It just goes to show how expensive that stuff really is!!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I think my friend's wedding may have been around or under 5k.

However, she had one bridesmaid, church ceremony, and brunch for immediate family. That's it.

 

[MisStarrlight]

Yeah, everyone I grew up with is married and/or has kids. (I'm 22)

This is kinda just the way things happen in the country. My parents were married at 19, Grandparents (on both sides) at 20-ish. I am actually at the point where everyone in my family was younger than me when they had their first kid.

I've also been w/ my bf forever-4 years. I don't know that we will ever get married (although in a lot of ways I feel like we already are).
The best thing I can suggest to cope with it all is to focus on what you do have. It's hard to watch all of your friends get married & move away & not feel that twinge of jealousy (and a bunch of other feelings, I'm sure), but keep your own personal goals in mind and turn those feelings into motivation.

 

[thestarsfall]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark I think my friend's wedding may have been around or under 5k. However, she had one bridesmaid, church ceremony, and brunch for immediate family. That's it.

Yeah, my sister's wedding was really small and probably was well under 5k. She made her own dress, made the groom's outfit (it was medieval themed) and she made all the bridesmaids dresses. They had it at a church and then there was a dinner with like 30 ppl at it. My parents paid for the dinner...wasn't that expensive.

 

[as_cute_as_pie]

dont feel left out!

im only 18 and a whole bunch of people from my school have got engaged.
i personally think they do it 'for something to do'
lol
kinda like 'do u want a drink?' 'do u want to get married?' hah

one of my friends has got enagaged previously and she was only 17 (he proposed while they were at the cinema watching saw 3 oh how romantic

)when i was told i laughed cos i thought it was a joke
this guy is a complete nutcase hes previously stabbed someone and when he went out with a ex gf and her friends, the gf and the friends disagreed on where to go for the nite so they split up and go seperate ways. so what did he do he stole her friends handbag and broke her cell phone and credit card (wht a idiot)

he also does alot worse like once he turned up invited to a girls only nite and drank everyone elses alcohol without asking (we made special cocktails cos it was my birthday) and then threated to kill everyone...
hes also banned her from going out without him and he drives around without insurance and a licence and she goes with him.
and shes still with him because???

so don't feel left out these other people may be just marrying the wrong person!

 

[jenii]

Wow, I must have some mad marriage skillz, because my wedding (while admittedly small) didn't cost anywhere NEAR $5,000. And that includes everything, even my dress. My wedding cost maybe half that.

We did our ceremony and reception in a private area of a really nice restaurant on the marina. Everything was really nice and high-quality, but it didn't cost as much as most weddings I keep hearing about. Weird.

 

[KAIA]

I understand how you feel... I have more than 3 years living with my BF, we've talked about getting married looooong time ago, but the fact that i am not even engaged it used to make me feel like he doesn't love me or he just doesn't take me seriously.. but i don't have those thoughts anymore, especially when i see couples that get marry fast for "X" reasons and they end up in divorce or cheating...i rather be patient and take things slowly and do it right.

 

[dmenchi]

Your lucky- because you don't have a fucking crazy mother-in=law- LOL . apearently what i say doesn't count because she moved in with us and can't accept that i ( the wife) live there and have something to say t,too. i really hate her she's so annoying. Plus, to make matters worse she snoops all around and we have no privacy. And after a big argument with her one of my makeup brushes dissapeared and then later when she cleaned our house she 'found 'it . i know for a fact she took it while i was gone out of spite. And she'll completly admit to my husband that she's to old to follow any rules, but it's our house. We don't want her to smocke and her millions of cats ruining our house, but she keeps breaking the rules and i hate her soooo much!!!
sorry forn the rant- so being single means you only have to deal with yourself (or just with your bf- not his whole psycho family) BE HAPPY & ENJOY THIS TIME!!!! LOL

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenii Wow, I must have some mad marriage skillz, because my wedding (while admittedly small) didn't cost anywhere NEAR $5,000. And that includes everything, even my dress. My wedding cost maybe half that. We did our ceremony and reception in a private area of a really nice restaurant on the marina. Everything was really nice and high-quality, but it didn't cost as much as most weddings I keep hearing about. Weird.

Yeh there are lots of ways to do wedding's on a budget. Really just depends on where your planning on getting married, how many people you invite, and what you serve. But yeh, it can add up fast!

Eva Longoria is spending like $15,000 on her cake lol.

 

[Cosmopolitics]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenii Wow, I must have some mad marriage skillz, because my wedding (while admittedly small) didn't cost anywhere NEAR $5,000. And that includes everything, even my dress. My wedding cost maybe half that.

I'm impressed.

I heard an outrageous figure for the "average" cost of a wedding on a television news segment -- get ready for this-- $29,000.

I don't understand how you can blow that much on a party, unless you love the idea of being saddled with unneccessary debt for a long time. Marriage isn't about a wedding, it's about a lifetime. I'm trying to keep mine under $5,000 (hopefully well under) - doing a lot of the preparation yourself saves a bit of money.

 

[user79]

Marriage isn't the be all and end all of a successful relationship. I've been together with my boyfriend for 8 years (also living together) and we're not even engaged. I see people getting married or engaged after like a year of knowing each other and it makes me laugh because I wonder if that relationship is even going to last. When I think of how many issues my bf and I have gone through, none of which appeared in the first year... Sure, everyone is different, but don't feel bad for not being engaged. It's just a piece of paper, and an expensive celebration. In the end, the relationship is what matters, not the fancy wedding.

 

[kaliraksha]

MissChievous summed it up beautifully for me.

It's easy to feel that pang of jealousy now but it's just an event like any other. Work on your current relationships. You won't feel those pangs of jealousy when some of these couples start having problems or face divorce.